


Blown Apart Cages

by butterflyishida



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Multi, Suicide, discussion of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-24
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-11-16 22:25:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 58,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/544514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyishida/pseuds/butterflyishida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mounting pressure, cracking façades, endless stress.  How much can two boys take before they can't take anymore?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is not going to be a happy tale but I hope you're willing to come along for the ride. I'm not affiliated with any members of One Direction or their family and friends. This is a work of fiction. I don't know how things really work in the music industry so I'm taking a lot of liberties here.

It was an odd shaped table, like a fan spread wide. It was perfect for a person who wanted all the focus on them, a person like Simon Cowell. He demanded all the attention and he had it from the three young celebrities sitting at the ends, all looking chastised despite no one having said a thing yet. Making people stew in their own thoughts was a speciality of his. People would let out much more than they ever planned to reveal when they were left to contemplate why they were sitting in front of him. Half an hour was enough he decided and put his news paper down, eyeing each of his employees in turn. 

“You can guess why you're here I'm sure?” he asked, leaning back in his plush chair to watch reactions. Harry bit at his lower lip and glanced to his right. He looked like he wanted to vomit. Next to him Louis had the decency to flush and look at his lap. Not easy to be the one with most of the blame. Eleanor sat on his other side, looking bored as she picked off her manicure. That was a sure sign of her nerves however. She'd never usually ruin the evidence of a pampered life. She wasn't as good an actress as she thought herself. There they were; a love triangle that didn't met properly at the corners. Secret relationships were all well and fine, they happened all the time but when they started not being so secret, particularly in a boy band that was already over the top in their affection for one another... Well, he should have seen it that first day he announced to five strangers that he wanted them to be a group. Three reactions were as expected, tears and exclamations of joy. When two perfect strangers jumped into each other's arms like they had though...it should have been a very clear indicator of what was to come. It was cute at the beginning. If any two other contestants in the X-factor house had fallen for each other it would have made great ratings but boy bands were about attracting fangirls in the thousands and when two of those members only had eyes for each other, well that was a lot of money that Simon could be missing out on. So just as it started to get serious, a cover up was introduced. A paid actress to pretend she was the girlfriend of one of the boys. Most fans bought it but the older fans, the smarter fans, the ones with the most money to spend were seeing through it. The analysis of each “leaked” photo and interview quote getting closer and closer to the truth.

“We have an idea.” Eleanor sighed and looked up from her nails, both boys casting her dark looks that she shrugged off. “If it's only the three of us its obviously about the fans and their Larry Stylinson nonsense.” she glared right back at them. So what if Larry Stylinson was the real relationship? She was doing her part in selling Elounor.  


“That is exactly what it's about. Even I want to yawn at the recent pap pictures that were sent in of the two of you. Your lack of effort is concerning Louis. Do you enjoy upsetting your fans? Because they are upset. And when they're upset they don't buy things. They whine and complain on their blogs, get other fans going. We wind up with ship wars, people leaving the fandom and taking their money to other musical sensations. Do you want that? That money lines your pockets, not just mine.” Simon inwardly cringed at the ridiculous terms he had to throw around. This new generation of boy band and their fans were a whole different experience compared to the previous incarnations. He'd never had to deal with rabid fans wanting the band members to do wild and kinky things with each other rather than with themselves. It was bizarre and too small a portion of the fandom to cater to it with more than just a dropped allusion or two.  


“They get upset when I’m with Eleanor or not. One side will be pissed if I’m happy, the other cranky if I look bored. We can't win with the fans in this so why keep up the act?” Louis replied with a shrug and a hair toss. The way his leg was bouncing gave away his nerves. If he hadn't been nervous speaking like that to the man who held his career in his hands Simon would have been concerned. One Direction was still to new to the scene to be that cocky.  


“Having a girlfriend makes you accessible. Girls eat up the dream of being the next girlfriend of Louis Tomlinson but if you look as bored as you appear in these new photos, with a woman you've supposedly been in love with for a year, that's going to make them talk. Maybe you're on the verge of a break up? They're not sure. That would get them interested, thinking that they could be next. Except this is how you look with your supposed best friend.” Simon tossed a stack of photos down the table, watching Louis wince at the evidence in front of him. Pictures of he and Eleanor were looking more forced than usual. He had his nose in his phone most of them, only one shot showed the pair of them smiling together and it was a posed shot. The most natural looking was one of them at a food cart and he was handing her a drink, a smirk on his lips. He'd found her super sugary choice of drink funny since she was always complaining about her weight. The photos of he and Harry were a different story however. They were all smiles there, arms draped around shoulders and waists while standing around talking to fans. Nothing that their band mates weren't doing but with Hazza and Lou it always looked like just that bit more than a bromance. There had been a photo of Zayn kissing Louis on the cheek leaked out once and it didn't cause half the stir a picture of Louis and Harry lounging on a boat had. 

Louis lifted a hand to his mouth and began chewing on a fingernail as he pulled two pictures nearer to him. He was smiling in both but the difference between the smiles was astronomical. No wonder the Larry girls were so sure of themselves. Harry and Eleanor were studying the pictures too, she making comments about how they could improve their body language and he completely silent.  


“So what's the plan then? Harry and I avoid hanging out now, we're never at the same parties, he spends all his time with Nick. The only time the public sees us together is for group events and even then we have to have at least one of the other boys between us.” Louis asked with a sigh, putting his photos down, shoulders sagging. He was going to have to move in with his bloody beard now wasn't he? Eleanor wasn't a bad cook at least. He'd miss Harry's nachos though. And eggs with toast for breakfast. And whip cream in bed....  


“Harry is going to drop the man whore reputation and find a nice girl to be with. Niall and Zayn have agreed to be single for a while to keep the fans believing they have a chance. Little Mix is doing fine on their own. They don't need the Zayn-Perrie relationship to keep them in the spotlight anymore.” Simon explained, folding his hands on the table, watching for reactions. Eleanor bit her lower lip and looked over to the boys. Louis' hands were clenching the arms of his chair, knuckles going white and his jawline tight. Harry had went pale, eyes wide. Not good reactions but what he was expecting.  


“You said that so long as I keep my supposed girlfriend that Harry wouldn't have to have a beard. It's right in the contract that Eleanor and I had to sign. The same one I just resigned a month ago to extend the contract.” Louis' voice was tight as he spoke, choosing his words carefully and trying to keep himself from flying into a temper.  


“You haven't been keeping up with your end of that have you? Being seen in public wandering along as if you're with your bothersome sister. Bored in one shot, all smiles for a staged one two steps later. Yes, a brilliant job you're doing.” Simon snorted, folding arms over his chest and glaring down his nose, daring Louis to argue some more.  


“Maybe we're out too much.” Eleanor interjected, “Liam and Danielle are rarely photographed together and the fans buy into that.” she offered, looking hopeful that she was bringing up a useful point.  


“That's because they are a real couple. Can't fake that kind of affection.” Harry murmured softly, speaking for the first time since the meeting started. He was still holding the pictures he'd picked up, eyes studying the colourful image in his hand. The affection between the two boys in that photo was obviously not faked either.  


“I suggest you start learning how to fake it Harry. You'll be meeting a half dozen or so girls in the next week. Your choice which is the lucky lady.” Simon stood, reaching for the photographs that he'd tossed at his employees, having to drag the one from Harry's hands. He glanced at it. It was a rather sweet one. Maybe he'd return it if there was effort put in.  


“Simon please. One more chance. Don't make Harry do this, he's a horrible actor you know that. I'll put more of an effort in. I'll smile all the time. I'll let myself get busted buying condoms at the pharmacy. Hell, I'll go into jewelry shops! Just, one more chance. Please. Don't make Harry have a beard” Louis bounced up from his seat, offering over a stack of pictures with a pleading face. The one that got him everything and anything he wanted.  


“No.” Simon said simply, taking the photos. “You're on your last chance as it is. Reign in the queer shit or there will be creative differences in your near future.” and with that he left, Louis wide eyed and stunned. Did his boss just threaten to fire him? Eleanor and Harry were just as shocked about the last statement, glancing at each other then back at Louis. Harry reached out to tug on Louis' hand, trying to coax him down on to his lap.  


“It's okay babe. I'll do the girlfriend thing and it will be so blatantly obvious that I’m not into it that Simon explodes in frustration.” he offered a half smile, raising Louis' hands to his lips when the older boy still wouldn't sit.  


“It's **not** okay. This is exactly how it's not supposed to go.” Louis growled and yanked his hand away, moving to pace up and down the length of the conference room. Harry's hand dropped back down into his lap as he sighed, watching his boyfriend wear a hole in the carpet. Eleanor watched too, chewing on her lower lip to hold back a sigh herself. It wasn't very much fun being the one standing between true love, even if her paycheck for it was more than sizable.  


“We'll do less shopping and coffee Lou, more stupid dates like mini golf and movies. That could look straighter. Maybe Harry and his hire can double date with us.” she suggested, cringing at the dirty look Harry shot her and the way Louis whipped around to face her. Perhaps not her best attempt at consoling him.  


“Yes, that's a brilliant fucking idea. Sit there on a date with my fake girlfriend along with my boyfriend and his fake girlfriend and try to pretend I’m having a good time instead of having my heart ripped to shreds because I have to hold your hand and not his. Fucking genius!!!” Louis roared and stormed out of the room, slamming the door hard enough for it to shake the frame. Harry slowly unfolded himself from his chair to stand, unconsciously rubbing at the tattoo across the top of his left wrist.  


“The press would love the double dates but the fans would tear it apart. Don't know about you but I get enough hate on my twitter feed.” he murmured and gave Eleanor's shoulder squeeze before leaving as well. The pretty brunette sighed and rested her head on the table. It really was horrible being the short stick in this love triangle.


	2. Chapter 2

Louis was still fuming when he returned home to the flat he shared with Harry, throwing his keys at the wall where they normally hung. They hit the mirror above the hooks instead, causing a crack to spilt the glass in half. He found himself not caring. He could buy another. Like Simon had said, the money the fans spent lined his pockets didn't it? He had more money than he knew what to do with. He could buy anything he wanted and had. A football team, his dream car and two others, a house for his mother and sisters...everything and anything. Except he couldn't buy the freedom to love who he loved or be the person he was. He had to be the funny one. The spokesman. The loud, obnoxious one in love with the former party girl who he constantly took shopping because honestly there was nothing else they had in common. He couldn't be the person who texted his best friend from the toilet during X-Factor boot camp telling him he'd fallen in love while taking a piss. He couldn't be the one who discovered he'd been lucky enough to find his soul mate while he was still a teenager. He couldn't even stand next to that soul mate any more because they were too obviously smitten with each other. All because his soul mate, the one his heart and mind and every inch of him loved and adored, happened to have the same parts in his pants as him. All because Harry was a boy, just like Louis was.

Roaring in frustration, he grabbed the mirror from the wall and threw it against the ground with all his strength, watching slivers of glass skitter all across the floor, the frame coming apart at one corner.   
“Wow Lou, I’m positive the mirror didn't do anything to deserve that.” Harry murmured, having just come in the door, and wrapped his arms around Louis' heaving shoulders, resting his cheek on top of his head. Louis lean back, hands coming up to grip Harry's forearms tightly, not willing to let him move away.  
“We can buy another. We have all the money in the world.” he murmured softly, eyes still locked on the sharp mess he'd made in their front foyer, quick, near hysterical breaths making him shake in his lover's secure hold. Nuzzling the nest of honey brown hair, the taller boy gave his lover a gentle push and lead him around the broken glass towards the living room, dropping them both down on the over stuffed leather couch. Despite it being big enough for six adults to sit comfortably, the boys curled up together on one end, Louis' head against Harry's chest while sweet assurances were murmured softly into his ear.  
“Beard or not baby, it'll be okay. You've had Eleanor for almost a year now and that's not so bad. At least Simon didn't pull out a ring and tell you you've got to marry her.” he suggested, fingers stroking through feathered hair, taking extra care not to yank when he came across strands glued together with hairspray and wax.   
“You clearly don't see your expression when you see her and I together in public. It takes everything in me not to shove her into on coming traffic and run to you. Everything about this ridiculous facade is bad. I hate it. I hate everything about it.” Louis grumbled against the other's chest, calming down thanks to the magic of Harry's soothing touch. No matter where in the world they were, be it on stage in a stadium or just here at home, Harry's touch could bring his entire being to one small point. Nothing else in the world would matter except the bond they shared. No wonder they got into trouble so often.  
“A lot of hate from someone who's supposed to be in love.” Harry teased softly, earning a grunt and a bite to his shoulder.  
“I am in love. I'm just not allowed to tell anyone. I have to lie to my baby sisters about who I love, not to mention all our fans.” Louis grumbled and looked up, blue eyes sad and shiny. Harry smiled back at him sadly and stroked his hand down his lover's face.   
“I know baby, I know. One day we'll be able to tell the world though. Simon can't hold us back forever. We can leak a photo and it'll all be over with.” he offered, fingers finding lower lip to stroke with gentle adoration.  
“I wish it was all that easy. I don't know who would kill us first. Simon, management, the boys or our fans. It would be ridiculous.” Louis sighed and shifted to turn so his back was pressed against Harry's chest, resting his head back against his shoulder.   
“We'll figure something out. Something good.” Harry assured, arms wrapping around his lover and held him tight, nuzzling at the back of his head with a content sigh, inhaling the scent that was simply Louis. “For now though, I'll just rebel against orders like I usually do. Pick the girl no one will expect, get another confusing tattoo and troll the hell out of the Larry Stylinson tag. They really liked that Marco picture after all.” that got a laugh out of the older boy, making Harry grin widely.   
“They're a smart bunch our girls. They pick up on every little hint we drop and then some. And nothing any other fan says will deter them. Give them something really good this time.” Louis tilted his head back to share Harry's smile, fingers moving to slide up his cheek and bury into his hair.  
“When we come out, we'll do it in our tumblr tags first. Forget traditional media, no People or Hello magazines for us. We'll make our own account, build up some followers then just drop the bomb on them. Picture after picture that they won't believe. We'll just empty out our phones and Niall's camera.” it didn't take the boys long to grab a laptop and start plotting out what they would give their fans when the time came. Photos were sorted into folders that they would share and tumblr account names were suggested, debated, searched for and tossed aside all without making the actual account. For now planning was enough therapy. The temptation to just go ahead and post would be too high and as much as it was all they wanted to do, to come out, they kept in mind that three other careers were tied to their own. They couldn't go ahead and do this without their band mates. The planning and plotting was enough. As was getting lost in the fanfiction tags and getting some interesting inspiration from the smut.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying a different style of editing to make reading easier on the eyes. I hope it helps, not hinders.

“How did the meeting yesterday go?” Liam asked as he did up his plaid shirt back stage, frowning when the buttons didn't line up and turned to Zayn to help him fix it. The dark skinned boy rolled his eyes and wiped the excess styling gel from his hands on Niall's backside before adjusting the mess Liam had made for himself. Honestly how did this boy manage to get himself ready every morning?

“Just wonderfully. Louis was threatened with being canned and I get to have a beard myself now.” Harry replied cheerfully, wrinkling his nose as powder got brushed over it. It smelt like roses which meant there was a breakout coming in his near future. Why did no one believe him when he said his skin hated this stuff?

“Canned? Are you serious???” Niall yelped, staring wide eyed at his friends. Louis nodded, fingers teasing his hair into place.

“Very. How was it put? Something about putting away the queer thing or I’d have creative differences in my future.” Louis explained, looking away from his mirror to the others with a shrug. “Right to the point old Mr. Cowell is.” 

“Damn...” Zayn murmured, looking first to the boyfriends then his other band mates. They knew. The majority of their team did, but no one much cared. The management hired handlers were the ones most uppity about it but when it came to the wardrobe and makeup crews, they let the boys just be. The five boys that made up One Direction were where there was no secrets though. They lived in each other's pockets and knew the contents of them, whatever they held. 

“We won't let him can you Lou. What's that thing the fangirls all say? Something about sinking ships.” Liam stepped away from Zayn and put an assuring hand on his older friend's shoulder. 

“I will go down with this ship.” Harry suggested, Niall nodding in agreement. He knew his fandom terms inside out.  
“That's it. We'll all go down with this ship. Louis gets canned, we all do.” Liam decided, getting a raised eyebrow from the security lounging against the wall a few feet from them. Daddy Direction flushed and cleared his throat, giving the guard a weak smile then looked back to his friends. “Back of the bus tonight. Team meeting.” he decided and the other four nodded. It was the best place to be away from prying ears. No one but those the five of them agreed on was allowed at the very back of the bus, their little cave-like get away. Nothing was kept there but video games, decks of cards and the secrets of the most famous boy band in the world.

 

Dropping a pair of 8s on top of Harry's red 3, Niall lent back on his hands and studied his friends one by one around the table, pondering what cards were in their hands and when the discussion about Louis getting canned was going to start. Everyone seemed focused on the Uno game. Too focused. The blonde sighed, reaching into the bag of chips beside him and shovelled a handful into his mouth before speaking, crumbs spraying around.

“So. Creative differences. How we gonna handle that?” he asked, ignoring the twitch that Louis' eye had suddenly developed. He was immune to the smacks now when he spoke with his mouth full. Boo Bear would just have to deal with it. 

“We were thinking that Harry could come out. Find a media outlet that's always been good to us and give them an exclusive, maybe even without management knowing. Then he's the one with the queer shit, not me.” Louis replied, laying down a pick up 4 card for Harry. The curly haired brunette didn't even flinch though he usually whined about those plays. Instead he grinned, picking up his cards and lay down his own pick up 4 on top of it. Niall groaned. That's why he wasn't bothered. Damn boyfriends ganging up on him. He took up his 8 and sorted through them to try and find some matches. He had nothing to punish Liam with sadly. The game was always the most fun when all the pick ups got dropped in a row and someone would have to pick up two dozen cards.

“Won't that effect the beard situation that Simon is putting together?” Liam asked, dropping a single card while he tried to hide the rest against his chest so Zayn couldn't peek. Harry shrugged, fiddling with the corner of one of his cards. They needed a new deck, this one was starting to fray and with a huge chunk ripped off, everyone knew who had the red switch direction card.

“Not if I confess to being bi, which is mostly true. I don't know how ready the world is for a pop star who identifies as pansexual. Might have to leave that to a rock star or something. Girls usually go first in the industry when coming out as something unusual. Maybe Lady Gaga will set the trend or something.” Harry's smile didn't quite reach his eyes but they did soften as he lent against Louis' side, the older boy pressing a kiss to the top of his head and laying down another card.

“Change directions.” he sang with a smirk, making Harry grunt and turn up his nose, putting his cards in his lap.

“Ass.” he muttered, getting a snicker from his lover.

“That's what you get for always sitting beside me.” Louis teased then glanced over to Zayn, developing a horrified look on his face. “No wait, I take it back!” he squawked but Zayn laughed in triumph, dropping a pair of yellow cards on top of the pile.

“I don't think so Lou. Uno and out.” he declared, laughing as he was tackled by Louis, the table getting shoved aside and the cards scattering. Every card game they played tended to end like this.  
Liam rolled his eyes and helped Harry regather the cards as Niall pushed himself up onto the couch with his chips, eating them slower now rather than shovelling them in, a thoughtful look on his face.

“Ya come out then, bi so the world doesn't immediately point out that you're girlfriend is a hired contract and then what?” He asked, giving the rolling pair of boys a gentle boot in the side so they didn't crash into him. Harry looked up from the cards in his hands and shrugged again, his normal method of communication.

“Don't know. That's up to all of us really. Do we go on how we are or do Lou and I confess as well? Do we say that we've been together the entire time or just since a break up? Eleanor's contract got pushed on until after January and probably will wind up getting extended further unless we out ourselves. I don't know what Simon has planned for me though. He's always said me being single sells better but apparently having you two will be enough.” he replied, nodding towards Zayn as he looked at Niall. 

“Doing it all at once would be too much but it wouldn't be fair to the either of you to keep your relationship a secret for ages either. You've already had to do all that.” Liam put in, sliding the cards back into their packaging and putting them away properly with the other handful of games they kept on board for their amusement. 

“We were thinking about six months after Harry came out, a few months after Eleanor and I split. That would be a good time.” Louis stated, sitting up on top of Zayn's stomach, flipping his hair of his eyes. 

“It'll be almost summer then, the tour will be in full swing so people will be excited to see the shows and unable to get any of their money back if they decide to get all homophobic. We won't be in your face gay, we'll just be us. We won't change the personas we've been assigned.” he continued, fingers digging into Zayn's ribs when he tried to wiggle away, tickling him without mercy.

“The funny one and the charming one; cutest couple in the world.” Harry laughed, ignoring Zayn's pleas for help and curling up with Niall for some chips. Liam crossed the tiny room to join them, giving Louis' head a shove to knock him over and let Zayn have the upper hand.

“What about how long you've been together? Saying that it's been since x-factor and that the girls you've both been linked were all hired beards would reflect badly on everyone involved.” he asked, shaking his head at the offered chips. Too much salt.

“Mutual attraction from the beginning but nothing was acted on until after the break ups.” Harry replied, switching to lean against Liam's shoulder instead. Niall kept shifting and moving about, he didn't make a very good pillow when he was eating.

“You've put a lot of thought into this then?” Liam laughed, grunting when Louis dropped into his lap and forced his way between him and Harry, taking the kitten cuddles for himself.

“Lots. We can't fuck all the time you know.” he huffed, wrapping an arm around his lover's shoulders and drawing him against his chest. Harry's eyelashes fluttered and he snuggled into Louis' chest with a contented purr.

“Coulda fooled me.” Niall snorted, shifting so Zayn could get into the pile as well. “I fully expect your bed to come through the hotel wall into my room one of these days.”

“Aw but wouldn't you enjoy watching the show?” Louis teased, getting himself an eye roll from the Irishman.

“I've walked in on you enough times to know what goes where. If I rather sleep than have sex of my own why would I want to watch yours?” he replied with a snort, getting peals of laughter for his blunt honesty from three of the other's, Harry looking up from Louis' chest with a pout.

“But it's such good sex...” he complained, jutting his lower lip out as far as he could.

“And that's enough on that!” Liam declared and got up, leaving the other's to all slump over. They really did lean on his strength in every way possible. “We still have four hours to go so FIFA or Monopoly first?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features an original character that is hired to be Harry's beard. She won't be around much but I figured I may as well warn my readers as I know many people aren't fans of OCs. 
> 
> Please read and enjoy!
> 
> ALSO! There was a small part missing at the end of the last chapter. I've added it in. Go back and read. It's like, five lines but it makes more sense than just ending off with Harry pouting.

Harry ended up with a girl few would expect of him as he'd planned, getting a concerned look from his handlers as they handed out contracts to sign. The girl with a pair of eyebrow piercings and blue streaks through her short brown hair had actually been hanging around waiting for the newest One Direction video shoot to begin but her loud laugh and energetic enthusiasm towards her job made the pop star point her out and declare 'that one' as if he was picking out a new puppy. In her early twenties with a degree in media relations and pop culture, she was happy to comply to having a background check and signing her life away to a company who had a reputation of working their clients to the bone. It would give her a great inside view of how the industry worked, she said with a grin for Harry over the papers. 

“And from the little I know about you from stalking your twitter this weekend, we have similar musical tastes. We should check out lots of concerts for our dates.” she told him as she passed him a paper to sign during the official meeting.

“I can get you backstage to meet the bands, as compensation of having to hang out with me whenever I'm in town.” Harry replied, adding his scrawl along the line with his name printed beneath it. 

“Oh the paid for flights around the world will be compensation enough. Australia, Antarctica and the Falkland Islands thank you very much.” she sniffed, nose in the air while struggling to hold back a smile. Harry laughed, this was going to be easy if she was always this cheeky and funny. He may even get another friend out of it.

“Sounds good. Congratulations Keylee, you get to be my girlfriend for ten months. Welcome to the fish bowl.” he offered his hand to her and she shook it, letting her smile out with a shake of her head. 

“I'm pretty sure you mean the shark tank.” she corrected him with a smirk and Harry couldn't help but agree.

 

 

“So you picked one then?” Louis asked as he leaned back against Harry's chest, barely blinking at the horror movie on their television while his boyfriend kept squeaking and ducking down to bury his face between his shoulders.

“Yes. She's not what anyone would expect. Can we please turn this off?” Harry replied, words a touch muffled by being buried against the thick wool of Louis' sweater.

“So she's really a ten year old boy with glandular issues?” the older boy snorted, pausing the movie to glance over his shoulder. “It's Slither Haz, you've seen it before and it's not even that scary. It's gross more than anything.” he teased, squirming out of Harry's hold so he could crawl behind him instead and make sure the curly-haired chicken couldn't hide from the film anymore.

“She's not and it is! How are you not scared of this?? A disembodied bloody penis just shoved itself down a girl's throat!” Harry howled, trying to cover his eyes with is hands but Louis was holding those down against his stomach so he had to make do with clenching his eyes shut. Why did everyone love making him watch horror movies when he hated them so much?? His sister did it to him when he was younger and now it was one of Louis' favourite ways to torment him!

“You don't seem to mind getting cock shoved down your throat....” Louis purred, still teasing as Harry struggled in his hold so he could have his hands back.

“The cocks I’ve sucked have been neither bloody nor disembodied and they mostly consist of yours anyway. Now turn it off or it won't happen again!” Harry wailed, kicking his feet back in a useless attempt to get Louis in the shin. Too bad his legs were too long and all he was hitting was the couch cushions.

“Alright, alright, you win.” Louis sighed with a chuckle still in his voice and pressed the power button on the tv remote, sinking the room into complete darkness. “Tell me a horror story instead; what's your beard like?” he asked, grunting as he got shoved further back against the couch cushions when Harry shifted and rolled over to be face to face with him with a huff once he had his hands back to himself. 

“She's not that bad. Her name is Keylee and she's 22, just finished university. Between the piercings and blue streaked hair I'm thinking she's a bit of a punk rock hipster so maybe we'll have more to do than just drinking Starbucks out of business.” he muttered, one arm sliding over Louis' hip, fingers fussing with a loose threat at the hem of his sweater.

“Just because Eleanor and I have nothing in common other than shopping and sweet hot drinks doesn't mean you get to make fun.” Louis sniffed, affecting an exaggeratedly posh accent. Harry rolled his eyes and gave his shoulder a gentle headbutt. 

“As if we have that much in common ourselves.” he muttered, shifting for a closer cuddle, nuzzling in against his boyfriend's neck. Louis whispered something along the lines of 'over sized cat' as he nuzzled back, fingers burying into curls and gently massaging scalp.

“So we don't like the same types of music and your fashion sense is atrocious without me. Doesn't stop us from being perfect together.” he murmured, pressing light kisses across the other's hairline. The words made Harry smile in the darkness and tighten hold around Louis' middle.

“Mmhmm, yup, perfect. That's us.” he agreed and tipped his head back to search out his lover's lips with his own.

 

 

Once Harry was seen out with Keylee more than twice questions started being asked and a statement was released to a few publications that yes, the playboy had found someone he liked enough to spend more than a night with. The wording made a fair amount of fans wince but most were excited to see the boy of their dreams settling down some. The fantasies of having him for their very own rather went into over drive, his twitter feed getting filled with more marriage proposals than offers for a fling when he was in town. The PR team was happy with how the couple was selling themselves, hands often held in public and Harry not the complete acting disaster they had feared. That was due to him actually finding Keylee an interesting person and even if he felt no attraction or desire to get her into bed, she was nice to hang out with for her firm beliefs in social justice and preference of cats over dogs. He gave his handlers the same problem that Louis had in the beginning with Eleanor; he refused to kiss her, not even on the cheek. He would smile, he would flirt, he would hug but any request for a kiss was met with a point blank no. He wouldn't do it and that kept the annoying fly buzzing in the ear of management. The Larry shippers were still positive about the relationship between Louis and Harry and this new girlfriend was just another ruse to try and convince everyone otherwise. PR decided enough was enough and gathered the four young adults for yet another meeting to discuss a suggest Eleanor herself had made when she thought that management wasn't listening. 

 

Sitting at a far less intimating table than that in Simon's boardroom, the boys squeezed themselves into an armchair together while Eleanor attempted to engage Keylee in conversation though she was too distracted by the goings on around her. Everything was new to her, only having had short briefings with one or two members of Modest! to instruct her and Harry about where they'd be going, doing and seeing while on their arranged date. The head of PR had to blow a shrill whistled in order to get everyone's attention after three failed attempts of calling names, beckoning them to the table to sit across from them. The girls took seats but Harry and Louis remained in their shared chair, arms folded across their chest, Louis' leg hooked over his boyfriend's knee.

“We can hear just fine from here.” he told them, raising an eyebrow in defiance when the seats between the girls were gestured to again. Harry shook his head then leant it against Louis' shoulder with a small smirk on his lips. They weren't moving. No big bosses meant they were more likely to flaunt what they were. On top of that, always possessive Louis was none to subtly showing Keylee just who Harry really belonged. Deciding it wasn't worth the argument, the meeting began in low voices until the boys were forced to drag their chair closer to the able so they really could hear what was being said. 

“So how is everything going with this new arrangement? Everyone getting along?” the PR head asked, giving an attempt at a pleasant smile as she folded her hands in front of her.

“Still want to light myself on fire whenever Eleanor and I go out so no change.” Louis replied sweetly, mimicking the body language of the woman across the table from him. Harry gave him a gentle elbow to the ribs and Eleanor rolled her eyes, Keylee glancing with him with wide eyes.

“Quit showing off for the new girl.” his beard told him, shaking her head and taking a sip of the tea she'd been given when she sat at the table.

“It's true though. Why do you think I use so much hairspray?” Louis replied with a flip of his hair, Harry biting down on his lower lip to hold back a giggle fit. Smile dropping from her lips, the PR head gave both boys a stern look.

“Enough Mr. Tomlinson. We are here to discuss the continuation of your relationships, not to mock the women who work hard to keep your secret concealed.” she snapped, ignoring the sneer she got in return and opened up the folder in front of her to share the data that had been gathered about the situation at hand. “Now, according to most sources both relationships appear to continue to be accepted as truth except, of course, through the Larry fraction. They continue to refuse acceptance of either Harry or Louis being straight and continue to reenforce their belief that Keylee and Eleanor here are cover ups. We have yet to find out who it is on the inside that is dropping hints to them as anonymous users, though Harry we are perfectly aware that you have a tendency to post things on your twitter that the fans use as evidence that you support them.” that got Harry a glare though he shrugged innocently in response.

“They were wondering who Marco was. How is that supporting evidence?” he asked, widening eyes as much as he could to help enforce his innocence.

“You know exactly how Mr. Styles.” another level look that the pop star fluttered his eyelashes at while another member of the PR team took over talking.

“In order to counter those rumours, to try and crush them once and for all, we've arranged a date for the four of you. Eleanor and Louis' dates with Liam and Danielle have always tested well among your fans so this should be equally successful, even more so. There have been reservations made at 17Black for this Saturday evening, your schedules have all been cleared of any prior engagements.” he explained, passing out sheets of paper with the details of the evening down to the minute of pickups and arrivals. Louis paled as white as the paper in his hand as he read it, his worst nightmare being confirmed in the stark black lettering in front of him.

“17Black?? That's our restaurant though! That's where Louis and I go together.” Harry protested incredulously, shoving his paper back across the table.

“We know it is. The fans know it is. You have it tattooed to your chest for god's sake. That's why it's the perfect setting. These girls must be something special to you both as you're taking them to the restaurant you typically frequent together.” yet another team member explained, all the employees at the far end of the table looking quite pleased with themselves while three of the four young adults looked nauseated. 

“Mr. Cowell asked us to remind you about your recent discussion when he okayed the plan. He said you'd know what he meant, especially you Louis. This date has to go well.”


	5. Chapter 5

Side by side, Harry and Louis got ready for their date in silence, only the clock radio next to be bed making any kind of noise with it's crunchy static drowning out the music. Neither of them bothered to try adjusting the dial, just letting it crackle. Doing his buttons up to the very top so that they hid the love bites he had all over his neck, Louis glanced in the mirror, watching Harry struggle with an unruly curl that was simply refusing to sit the same direction as the rest. Smiling slightly, he reached up to try and help tame it, wrapping the rebellious strands around his finger then giving it a hearty dose of hairspray, slowly puling his finger away again. It stayed and Louis received a kiss of thanks against his cheek for his hard work.

“Your hair fights as hard against managements plans as your tattoos do.” he commented, adjusting the collar of the suit jacket Harry was wearing over one of his thread worn black tshirts. 

“One day, I swear, I'm just going to shave it all off and damn them all.” Harry huffed, flicking the curl that was now on it's best behaviour thanks to Louis, mimicking his lover by fiddling with his collar and pulling a button the full way through.

“Please don't. You'd look horrendous. Besides, I rather like them.” Louis replied, running a hand up the back of Harry's neck, gently tugging at a fistful of curls. That made his boyfriend shudder and lean down to press their foreheads together.

“Fine, but only because you like them. No other reason.” he muttered, lifting his hands to cup Louis' face, thumbs brushing against the perfect cut of his cheekbones. Sighing softly, long lashes fluttered down over bright blue eyes as Louis curled his arms around Harry's shoulders and pulled him closer, fingers still wrapped up in chocolate brown strands.

“I don't want tonight to happen...” he confessed, voice shaking slightly. Harry's lips twitched up in a sad smile and he pressed a kiss to the tip of the other's nose.

“I know, me neither.” he murmured back, adjusting his hold on Louis' cheeks to tip his head back further. “It's going to though. We can survive a couple hours though. The paps won't be in the restaurant so we just have to be civil in there so other patrons don't talk. We get through it and then we come home, just us.” Louis nodded along with Harry's plan, making soft noises of agreement.

“Just us...” he repeated and pushed himself up on his tiptoes for a kiss, lips moulding together perfectly. Harry moved one hand to the base of his lover's spine and pulled him in tighter, fingers splaying wide and covering most of Louis' lower back. Sighing in contentment as the kiss lingered on, Louis slowly pulled away and took his hands out of Harry's hair, resting them on his shoulders instead as he gazed up at him, a small smile pulling at his lips. 

“It's about time then love. See you at the restaurant then?” he asked, one index finger tracing up and down the pronounced vein in Harry's neck. The taller boy nodded and lifted both his lover's hands to his lips, pressing kisses to the backs of both before stepping away. 

“Yup. Save you a seat.” he replied and left after pressing one more kiss to Louis' forehead, shouting an 'I love you' and a 'Drive safe!' over his shoulder before the door slammed shut. The older boy returned the words, letting out a long, tired breath then crashed down on their bed to fuss with his phone for the half hour he had left before heading out to pick up Eleanor.

 

The paparazzi were out in droves at the restaurant, nearly triple what Harry had ever seen waiting for him outside a club before. They were obnoxious as well, the questions being hurled at them making Keylee's jaw drop in shock, looking up at Harry as he tightened his arm around her shoulders with an apologetic smile. 

“ Not quite what you thought you were signing up for is it?” he asked, ducking his head to speak into her ear, the only way to be heard over the noise of the crowd around them. They barely had a foot of space around them despite security’s best efforts to get them inside without being accosted. Life would have been easier if they'd been allowed to park in front of the restaurant but Modest had insisted they park around the corner and walk through the crush of media for a block so as many pictures as possible could be taken. 

“Not in the slightest. I thought the night we went to the club with Grimmy was going to be the worst.” she confessed, gripping the back of Harry's jacket tighter when she was jostled from behind.

“Heh, that's nothing. At least the media are just after a story and don't want their equipment damaged. The crush of a thousand fans who's only life wish is to touch you? That's a whole new level of terrifying.” two more steps through the crush and they were on the black carpet of the restaurant, space spreading wide around them within the barriers of velvet lined black ropes. 

“I don't think i need to experience that thanks.” Keylee shook her head then put of a flashy smile for the camera's behind the ropes, immediately slipping into the 'luckiest woman on the planet and she knew it' roll. They smiled for more respectable news outlets who wanted properly posed photos rather than images that made the couple look like hunted animals. After the photos and a few quotes, they were ushered inside the softly lit reception area of 17Black, their coats taken by the hostess and Harry sighed, running his hands through his hair to amp up the unruly look.

“Tonight is going to be almost as bad if in different ways. Whatever happens, whatever is said, just be cool, calm and civil. You've been a part of this mess the least and someone needs to keep their head.” he instructed, trying to smile and play it off but Keylee had already come to discover just how bad Harry was at hiding what he was feeling. She patted his arm consolingly, offering her own smile.

“One meal won't be the end of the world. You guys can make it through.” she assured him and Harry smirked, shaking his head as they were lead to a table next to a window in it's own tiny alcove. A thousand flashes of light went off outside, the pop idol groaning and rubbing at his temple in vexation. 

“Really? Can we have the curtains closed at least?” he asked, as he pulled Keylee's seat out for her, another dozen flashes momentarily blinding him. The hostess smiled sadly and shook her head.

“Your management called ahead and requested, in very severe words, that they were to stay open. Sorry Mr. Styles.” she apologized as she placed menus on the table. Harry frowned, looking to the window and giving them a halfhearted wave.

“Can we at least get the biggest, oldest bottle of wine you have in stock?” he asked, grinning inwardly as the woman's lips twitched upwards.

“But of course Mr. Styles.” she answered and left to find said bottle. The staff here had played host to Harry and Louis enough times to recognize an orchestrated outing. There was never this much pomp and circumstance about two boys going out together and even adding a pair of girls wouldn't usually bring out this kind of response from the media. No, something was up and at 17Black they were eager to stay on the side of their regular costumers rather than those who were footing the bill tonight. Harry turned his chair so his back was to the window, hoping he blocked most of the view without looking like he was trying to do just that. Keylee picked up her menu and browsed it silently, fiddling with the ring that was punched through the cartilage of her upper ear. Despite being quite chatty on their other dates, neither said a word while they waited for their dining companions and the oversized bottle of wine that would make the night go easier.

 

Exactly thirty minutes after Harry and Keylee had arrived, Louis and Eleanor breezed in the door, hair expertly mussed up to look like they had been delayed for amorous reasons. The scowl on Louis' face and the irritated purse of Eleanor's lips ruined the effect their stylists were going for, even with bottom of Louis' shirt untucked. Harry would have laughed at how dishevelled they looked, especially with the state of his boyfriend's clothes but tonight was not the time to be amused. Not with the look of murder in those clear blue eyes. Standing to wave them over, Harry gave an apologetic shrug when Eleanor caught sight of the open curtains and gave him a deer in headlights look.

“Care of Modest. Glass of wine?” he offered, sitting back down and picking up the wine bottle he and Keylee had already put a sizable dent in. Louis huffed as he dragged the seat across from Harry out from the table, starting in surprise when Eleanor slid into it with a dirty look for him.

“You're supposed to pull the chair out for your girlfriend on a date Louis, not yourself.” she reminded him, dropping her purse to the ground beside her chair and gave a wave to the paps who had their cameras pressed against the glass. 

“I was also supposed to stick my tongue down your throat in the limo but that didn't happen either. Shut up and let me sit across from my boyfriend.” Louis snapped, still standing with arms crossed over his chest.

“Sorry, that would look odd, me switching places. Sit across from Keylee and act like this isn't your first time being in public with Harry and I at the same time.” Eleanor scolded, giving him a glare for the less than professional behaviour. Louis gave in and sat, although it was only after Harry had gave him a pleading look as well. He crashed down, arms still folded and narrowed his eyes at Keylee when she offered him a full wine glass.

“They want more kissing pictures?” Harry asked, sipping his own wine as he gave his boyfriend and his hire a look over. Eleanor's lipstick was a little smudged and Louis' collar had a touch of the same shade on it. It made him shudder to think how it got there, even if both of them would rather ingest poison than make out even if it was strictly business. Getting quick, flirtatious kisses out of them had taken a year of bribing and threatening from management. There must have been guns to their heads for this. 

“Yes. They wanted one of us full on groping and shit when the limo door accidentally opened. Absolutely fucking not.” Louis growled, finally taking up his wine glass and throwing it all back in one gulp. Eleanor muttered something along the lines of 'classy' under her breath, getting a snorted laugh from Keylee, a glare from Louis and a sigh from Harry. The corners of her lips quirking up, Eleanor reached across the table and pet Keylee's hand.

“Is it what you expected?” she asked, gesturing at Harry who was trying to placate his boyfriend with a refill of wine. Turning her head to look over her supposed boyfriend, the older girl shook her head with a sympathetic look. 

“Not at all.” she replied and Eleanor nodded, resting her hand on the back of Louis' chair, giving him a pinch to the shoulder when he tried to shift away. 

“It's not easy to be in the odd one out in a love triangle. If you ever need to talk about the pressure and the hate you'll get, just call me.” she was planning to continue her pep talk when Louis cut her off with a glare.

“What part of this is a love triangle? There aren't three people in love here. There's two and then there's the pair of you getting paid to cover it up. That's not a triangle, it's a fucking train wreck.” he growled. She glared right back and took the wine out of his hand, setting it next to the window so he couldn't reach it.

“It wouldn't be such a wreck if you would just calm down. Now pick your meal, drink some water and shut the hell up.” she instructed and pushed a menu at him. “You're the one Simon reminded that this has to go well after all.” she added and nodded when he glared but said nothing else, burying his face into the leather bound menu. Harry watched the argument silently, conscious of the fact that normally seeing Louis put in his place like that would make him laugh, mostly because the older boy would have sassed the person right back. Not tonight though, he couldn't even get his leg across the underside of the table for a game of footsie, the pillar holding the top up too thick to get passed without knocking the girls as well. So he did the next best thing he could think of.

“With dessert we can switch around. I'm sure that'll be okay if the girls sit next to each other then to discuss girly things.” he suggested, lips curling up in a smile when Louis' blue eyes peeked over the top of the menu.

“And us?” he asked curiously.

“It's a long table cloth. I'm sure we'll figure something out.” Harry replied with a wink, getting a real laugh out of his boyfriend for the first time all day.


	6. Chapter 6

By the end of the night, Louis was sure his calf would be a black and blue mess by the morning thanks to all the kicks he'd gotten from Eleanor for saying or doing anything she deemed rude. She would say they were well deserved, he would argue that if the paparazzi outside wanted to pound on the window demanding a kiss, well then they deserved the up raised middle finger in their general direction. The curtains had been pulled closed after that incident, Modest's “request” be damned. Now they were on their way out and he was hoping he could properly walk rather than hobble along.

“If I ever get my hands on those boots, I'm shoving them down a garbage disposal.” he growled, shrugging into his jacket, leaving Eleanor to get into her's on by herself. She smiled at him with mock sweetness and patted his cheek.

“And I'll just by another half dozen on your tab.” she replied and turned to give Keylee a smile, the short haired girl putting on her own coat with Harry's assistance. “You're so lucky you got the nice one.” she sighed, laughing at the huff from behind her and forced her hand together with Louis.

“Louis is perfectly nice. Stop teasing him.” Harry defended his boyfriend, shaking his head as he offered his arm to his date. Louis nodded in agreement and reached out to pat his hand over Harry's heart.

“I'm an angel. Let's go home. I'm over this shit.” he instructed and pushed the door open, wincing at the mad flash of cameras going off as he stepped out, the brightness leaving trace spectors floating across his vision. The media had only been deprived for thirty minutes or so of their date but behaved like it had been days. Everyone was screaming and snapping pictures and there looked to be a crowd of fans behind barricades across the road. 

“We'll never be able to get back to my car through this crowd, even with security.” Harry groaned, giving Louis a small push to move him out of the threshold so there was room for the four of them to have dozens of photos taken of them at once. 

“Our ride is right at the end of the carpet. Just come with us.” Eleanor pointed out the limo that she and Louis had been brought in, everyone agreeing simultaneous and headed towards the driver as he opened the door. They all clamoured in with one last wave for the cameras then slammed the door shut, sighing in relief as the racket was left behind. Slumping down in her seat, Keylee heaved a heavy breath and looked the other three over wide eyed.

“You have the most horrendous life I can think of.” she stated, shaking her head as she pinched the bridge of her noise. “How do you ignore all that? The words that are hurled at you? The demands the public makes of you?” she continued. Eleanor and the pop stars looked at each other and shrugged, Louis and Harry leaning against each other and letting their fingers lace together now that the prying eyes of the media was locked away outside.

“Weeks of media training, lots of alcohol on bad days and just plain not listening to it.” Louis sighed, feeling a tiny pang of sympathy for the girl who was part of the cover up that was his life. “Hate to say it, but you'll get used to it.” he added and Keylee shook her head, lips pursed in disapproval.

“You shouldn't have to get used to it. You're human beings. Famous ones, but still human. That kind of behaviour out there is savage.” she let out a sharp breath and took the glass of wine Eleanor had poured for her.

“This is what you signed up for.” the more experienced girl told her and patted her thigh. “Why don't we go out to a club. These two won't come with us but it'll be good to get a few strong drinks and dance the night away. I rarely get recognized when I go out at night unless Louis is with me.” she suggested, rolling her eyes at the snort Harry made.

“We're going home. Dance to you vomit for all I care.” Louis scoffed, shaking his head at the wine he was offered, preferring to rest against his boyfriend with his eyes closed. Glancing out at the crowd as the limo inched down the road, Keylee nodded to Eleanor's offer.

“A good dance sounds right to me.” she agreed, “Why don't you tweet the name of a club and we'll go to one on the opposite side of the city.” she suggested, smiling at the approving applaud Harry gave her.

“Now you're learning how to deceive them.” he praised and she shrugged, pulling her arms free of her jacket and draping it across her lap.

“Rather I didn't but we do what we do.” the others nodded in agreement with her, a sigh of relief going through the limo when the vehicle pulled onto the motorway and they took off at a speed that was more suited to a car than the snails pace they'd been going at. There wasn't much conversation between the four of them as the limo roared across the top of the city, the girls discussing what kind of club they wanted to visit and the boys debating what movie they'd watch when they got home. Louis was still pushing the idea of another scary movie when Princess Park Manor loomed over them as they pulled up to the front entrance. 

“No more horror movies Louis. You can watch those on your own.” Harry gave him a glare, reaching for the door handle but his boyfriend stopped him.

“No chick flicks either. Here Keylee, switch jackets with me. There are paps outside here too but they'll only get us from the back. Our hair styles are close enough that they'll think it's you going in with Hazza.” he instructed, tugging off his denim coat. Nothing more was said as they switched jackets and the boys got out of the car, Harry slamming the door shut with his hip and slinging an arm around Louis' shoulder. 

“If you're supposed to be Keylee we might as well put on a show.” the boy with the curls stated with a wink and tugged his boyfriend nice and close as they slipped in the doors, only a half dozen flashes lighting up their backs this time. Too bad they'd forgotten that Keylee had been seen wearing heels during the date, not a pair of flat black skateboard shoes.

 

The next day dawned bright and pretty, photos making their way on to websites both reputable and not, the only real complaints about how Louis had flipped off the camera. No one mentioned the drawn curtains because that would be alluding to the invasive nature of the paparazzi and the general public wasn't supposed to be thinking like that when it came to celebrity reporting. Nor was there much mention about the difference in the the shoes “Keylee” was spotted in. A second pair of shoes wasn't unusual, feet got tired after hours in heels after all. Another something for the benefit of the general public, the women could relate to that one. Those who had a passing interest in One Direction and what they did with their lives read the articles over, smiled at the idea of besties on a double date and moved on to the next article about Britney Spears. The fans of Elournor and Halee were thrilled with the pictures, especially the ones of Louis and Eleanor coming out of their limo at the beginning of the night and the ones of Harry and “Keylee” heading home together after dinner. The ones who wanted to find things to pick apart and analyze however, they had a field day. If nothing else, the Larry shippers were the champions of detecting even the smallest details. They questioned why the curtains were even open in the first place, they pointed out Elounor had been spotted kissing just once before, why would they be seen all sexed up for the world to see? And most importantly to them, it might have been Keylee's coat being worn into the apartment complex but those were definitely Louis' shoes completing the outfit. Unfortunately for everyone involved, it was the Larry shippers management was trying to dissuaded and since they weren't buying it, neither was Modest. The date had been deemed unsuccessful by the higher ups involved and they took matters into their own hands.

 

“Hey Haz, is twitter working for you? I can't seem to even sign in on either of my phones.” Louis frowned down at his phone as he padded barefoot through the flat, trying to fix his technical issues by shutting the device off then on again. Harry looked up from the couch, book in hand as he caught up on his favourite author's work on a rare day off.

“It was working fine for me a half hour ago. Haven't tried it since though.” he shrugged and reached over to the table beside him, unlocking his phone and opening up the twitter app. “Nope, still working. See?” he flipped the iPhone around so Louis could see as he dropped down on the other end of the couch, feet curling beneath his thighs. 

“That's so weird. I can't get it to work at all. I wanted to mention that the tickets for my game go on sale tomorrow.” he huffed, dropping the phone carelessly on the table when it wouldn't do what he wanted. “Can I try tweeting from your phone?” he asked, getting a raised eyebrow over the pages of a book at his request.

“You have a laptop you know.” Harry replied, grunting as Louis launched himself against his chest and pilfered his phone.

“I do, but your phone is closer and now I get a cuddle on top of it all.” he grinned and made himself comfortable as he messed about on Harry's phone, sending a stupid text to Liam about something Harry would never actually say then fussed about in twitter, logging out of Harry's account and trying to get into his. His password and email combination didn't work, nor did it even recognize the email as part of their database. Eyebrows furrowing, he chewed at his thumbnail and sat up as he tried again, wondering if the angle he'd had the phone at had made the keyboard malfunction. Harry looked up at him, tilting his head as he waited for a comment.

“It's still not working. What the hell is going on?” Louis muttered, tapping his fingers against his thigh. Harry gave up on his book and took his phone back, attempting to resign into his account and getting in no problem. 

“Looks like you've been hacked love. Better give management a call.” he suggested, tapping away at the screen to find Louis' feed and read it over to see if the hacker was posting anything or just being an ass and messing up settings. As he read the tweets the colour drained from his face, wide eyes lifting from the screen to his boyfriend's face.

“When was the last time you tweeted something?” he asked slowly, biting down on his lower lip as Louis snatched his phone away to see what was making him look like he'd seen a ghost.

“I retweeted something from Niall before I had a shower. Why?” his question didn't need to be answered. He was reading why. He blinked, rubbed at his eyes, trying to see if what he was reading was real or if his brain was deceiving itself. “What is all this? I'd never say this...” he mumbled, fingers walking up the screen to refresh his feed. His chest lurched with a gag when he read what “he” had tweeted to a fan. He dropped Harry's phone like it burnt him and dove for his own, hitting the call button for their management so hard he nearly put a hole in the screen. He was shaking as it rung and shouting at the first person who picked up, not bothering to wait to be directed to their media relations rep.

“It's Louis!! Someone's hacked my twitter and is saying awful to fans!” he barked, trying to avoid the look on Harry's face as he continued looking through the feed. The voice that came through the other end of the phone was calm and more than a little cold. The words he said made Louis' stomach sink to the floor.

“Your account has not been hacked Mr. Tomlinson. We have taken it over for you and will continue to maintain it until you have shown us that you understand your responsibilities as our client. Don't worry, your football game will be plugged. We know the tickets go on sale tomorrow and that will be a lovely piece of publicity for the entire band.” then the line went dead and Louis sat frozen, phone still held to his ear and his free hand pressed over his mouth.

“Lou? Baby? What is it?” Harry asked softly, wrapping his fingers around Louis' wrist and gently pulled his hand from his face. Louis' shifted his gaze to the worried green eyes of his boyfriend as a tear slipped down his cheek.

“It's them doing it Harry....management’s taken over my account.” he whispered and let his phone drop to the floor, burying his face into Harry's chest with a sob. Harry's eyes widened and he looked back to his own phone with his mouth open, reading the messages with a new mind set now. 

“They're not....” he replied softly, free hand stroking over the back of Louis' head and down between his shoulders then back up again rhythmically. The other nodded against his chest, sniffing back tears. 

“They are. Last night must not have been what they wanted.” he murmured, fingers balling up the fabric of Harry's flimsy tshirt to tug on it. “Why do they need me to be straight so bad??” he whimpered and Harry shook his head, pressing his lips to his lover's temple to try and soothe him.

“I don't know baby. I just don't.” he sighed and hugged him close, while keeping an eye on the feed. The updates were spastic, making Louis seem completely irrational as the mood behind each tweet was the exact opposite of the last. After the tweet with the link to buy tickets, Harry shut his phone down and dropped it on the floor with Louis'. He'd read enough.

 

All cried out, Louis had fallen asleep buried against Harry's side, still sniffling softly on occasion as his boyfriend's hand stroked up and down his spine soothingly. Despite his gentle touch, Harry was fuming, chewing the thumbnail of his free hand to the bleeding point. His mind was a flurry of thoughts on how to get revenge for the attempt to ruin the reputation of the most important person in his life, how to get back at the disaster of a PR team they had sold themselves too. What could he do under contract though? These people still owned him for at least another year, anything he did outside of the tattoos and occasional snide comments would get him sued and he didn't have his own money. All the money he had was from One Direction and he was fairly sure every penny of it could, and would, be taken back if he broke contract. He didn't need the money, wasn't particularly attached to it, but at the same time he didn't want to go home and live with his mother again after living the life he had for the past two years. He'd barely finished school as it was with the whirlwind that was X-Factor and his life since. He'd probably wind up back in the bakery and be covered in flour for the rest of his life. 

Huffing a sigh when his thoughts ran from vengeful to self-pitying, he looked down at his lover, moving his hand to brush a finger down a tear stained cheek. Despite the evidence of his sorrow, Louis still looked beautiful in his sleep, even with a red nose and eyelashes stuck together wetly. Smiling softly, Harry leant down and brushed his lips against the other's temple, murmuring softly to him.

“Don't worry love, I’ll get them back.” he whispered, shifting down to wrap his arms around Louis' shoulders when he whimpered at the sound of his voice. Drawing him as close as he could, Harry rested his head atop Louis' and hummed a lullaby softly to coax him back into deep sleep again, his own eyes slipping shut until he caught a glance of one of their laptops, sitting innocently on the armchair next to the window. Eyes wide open with a grin to match, Harry slipped off the couch, pushing a throw pillow into Louis' arms to replace himself and went to the computer. He opened it and discovered it was his own, the folder full of pictures they had organized for a one-day-far-away tumblr sitting on the desktop along with a jumble of other icons and files. Smile growing wider, he double clicked on the Chrome icon and set to work. “And I know just how to do it.” he chuckled darkly, following the first five Larry accounts he came across.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it hasn't been months or anything but I just wanted to apologize for the wait for this chapter. I'm currently in a section where everything isn't already pre-written. I actually started this fic about 4 chapters from the end so things will pick up posting wise shortly again soon. The final chapters are done, everything is plotted out, it just needs out of my head and on to the keyboard.
> 
> Hopefully I'll be posting about Harry's plans sooner than later!


	7. Chapter 7

Over an extravagant breakfast a few days later, the meal made to help Louis out of the funk that the twitter fall out had caused, Harry showed him what he had spent his precious free time putting together. Yet another Larry blog run by some girl in her late teens buried in the wilds of suburban America. Louis rolled his eyes at the url, shaking his head and saying that no one would ever get the reference. Harry shrugged and scrolled through to the first picture he reblogged, grinning when Louis recognized it as one he had once put on his pintrest, making his fans go crazy with speculation. 

“I still think it's funny that people believe that this is anyone else but us.” the older boy murmured around a bite of toast as he read the analysis Harry had added to the photo, his words pointing out the curve of Louis' ass and the tiles of the floor.

“I think it's funny that anyone thinks that either of us is a girl.” Harry replied, scrolling away again to show off his 'why I ship it' post. “This was fun to do. Kinda stems off all the twitter shit though.” he bit his lip, watching the light die out of Louis' eyes and his shoulders slump. “The response wasn't all bad love. Did you see the bravery trend?” 

“I did. I also seen my follower count plummet, was linked to posts ranting about how ungrateful and unprofessional I am and read that nine fans took their lives over the hate they received from other fans.” Louis sighed, pushing his plate away only half eaten. Harry shifted his chair over closer and wrapped an arm around the other's shoulder, leaning over to press a kiss against his temple.

“The suicides are a rumour still. Don't blame yourself for them.” he murmured, rubbing his hand over Louis' back as he leaned into him. “Now, read why I ship us. You'll like it.” he pushed the computer at him, ignoring the amused annoyance on Louis' face and snuggled in against him the best he could when they were both in separate kitchen chairs. The older boy did as he was instructed despite his rolling eyes, snorting at the title.

_Why I Ship Larry – Just Another Fangirl's Take On People She's Never Met_

“And people say you can't lie.” he commented, twitching away from the pinch he received on his thigh. 

“Hush, it's not lying. It's taking on a different persona. You're the drama student, you should know about acting.” Harry argued, turning his pinch into tickles, laughing when Louis wiggled away and snatched up the laptop, running away with it to the living room.

“I know you can't act to save your life!” he called back, settling into the couch to read the post. In the kitchen Harry deiced to let him read it by himself and worked on cleaning up the mess they'd left spread across the table.

_So here's the thing. I'm not even really a One Direction fan. I see them on my dash sometimes, I think they're kinda cute. I went to their concert with my kid sister this summer because no one else would. I was introduced to the concept of shipping and slash via Harry Potter when I was younger but  
I've always been one more to follow canon however. Sometimes though, you see or read things that aren't canon but should be. That's where this One Direction thing comes into it._

_Like I said, I don't really like One Direction. They don't do my preferred type of music but I was reading a post that came up on my dash the other day about Larry Stylinson, the supposed romance between the curly-haired one and the one with the really nice cheekbones and WOW. I had to look more into it. And here I am, with a side blog about them and following a dozen different Larry blogs. I didn't feel a need to have this blog until the other day when there was all that twitter drama about Louis calling bullshit on the ship. It's what got me thinking and actually cemented my belief in all of it. not making me jump ship like a lot of other people. Here's why:_

_*if there's nothing to it then why is there such a big deal about it??_  
*any other celebrity who talked to their fans like that would be raked over the coals and forced to apologize. Where's the apology from Louis?  
*Only he has access to his twitter account? Whatever. He'd be the only celebrity in the world with that kind of luck. He in fact mentioned in an interview before that management HAS tweeted for them in the past. 

_That's just the twitter stuff. Here's more reasons:_

_*I looked up pictures of Louis and his supposed girlfriend and they look so miserable together_  
*Harry's supposed to be a total lady killer right? Other than this Keylee girl there doesn't seem to be any pictures of him with all the girls he's been connected to  
*The way they look at each other is like watching my brother and his fiance. The hitched breaths, the awe struck staring, the constant touching. They're totally smitten with each other  
*There's rumoured to be a photo ban of the pair of them unless their with their girlfriends or doing official band business. Who puts that kind of limitation on a pair of BEST FRIENDS?? 

_All in all, it's definitely a case of 'the lady doth protest too much' except there's no ladies here. Just a pair of boys who have half the world dying to know what happened in the X-Factor bathrooms._

Louis read it all over twice and laughed, shaking his head and calling out to Harry who still crashing around in the kitchen.  
“The best blow job of my LIFE happened in that bathroom!”

 

Harry was proud of his blog, a little too proud of it. That's how he got into trouble with it. He'd been sitting with Zayn in the green room of yet another television studio, waiting for their turn to be interviewed after Liam and Louis were done. Laptop on his knees, he was reblogging images from Louis tribute blogs, the pair of them snickering over the comments he made about how fit Louis' backside was and how his smile lit up the room.

“A bit of a Louis girl aren't you?” Zayn asked him, turning his head to cough into the collar of his hoodie, trying to shake off a cold that had been plaguing him for days.

“Mmhmm. Once she decided she liked them, Ella fell head over heals.” Harry replied, alluding to the persona he'd taken on. He found this made up blogger business was quite a lot of fun. Sometimes he talked a load of shit and other times he revealed truths that most people would call tin hatting. 

“Not so much for Harry though? How does she resist the curls?” Zayn teased, making Harry giggle and jab him with a bony elbow. 

“Because she's got good taste. Ooh look! Another follower!” he clapped his hands eagerly and followed back, not bothering to check out the account that had added him. It was a larry related title, it would do. Now he was up to twenty followers and though he knew there were blogs with literal thousands more, he didn't mind. One day this would be the biggest tumblr account out there. He and Zayn continued their reblogs and ridiculous commentary with soft snickers, the older boy becoming quiet after a few moments, finger curling around his chin with a thoughtful look.

“You're not planning to come out through this blog are you?” he asked, turning serious eyes on his band mate. Harry's eyes widened and he bit his lip, his guilt so obvious it made Zayn want to roll his eyes.

“Not for a long time. You know, after I confess and Lou and Eleanor break you. We kinda like the idea of coming out first to the fans that would support us no matter what. The tumblr crowd seems to be the most accepting and smartest. They're not all about carrots and demands for follows.” Harry confessed, only lying a little bit. Zayn didn't need to know that a long time was closer to a month or two. Dark eyes studied him for a long time before Zayn nodded and sat back, lips quirking down into a frown. 

“Better shut it down. Here comes Paul.” he murmured but he was too late. The tour manager was on them and he was furious. 

“That stupid blindmyeyesfromlies blog is you isn't it? For shits' shake Harry, are you trying to get yourself outed??” the large Irish man demanded, snatching the computer from Harry's lap to double check was he was accusing him off, shaking his head when he seen he was right. The teenager's eyes were wide, his mouth hanging open, finger still positioned to click the exit button for the program. 

“But..but..but..it's just a blog. It's just for fun...” he stammered, licking his lips and looking to Zayn who was trying to sink deeper into the couch cushions.

“It's not just for fun when it's your own frigging relationship! And you! You're encouraging this!” Paul growled, turning his glare from Harry to Zayn, jabbing his meaty finger towards his chest. “You should know better. Both of you should.” he let out a huff of breath, dropping the computer back on to Harry's lap and reached out to grab the back of Zayn's shirt, hauling him to his feet. “You delete all that shit. The entire account. And you, go find something else to do.” with that Zayn was shoved off in the direction of Niall, who was looking over the top of his Nintendo ds with a confused look at all the commotion. 

 

Firmly told off, Harry sat with his computer, cheek propped up by his fist and deleted his posts one by one, occasionally cutting a glare towards the handler who had been be set a few feet behind him to ensure he was doing what he was told. He could delete the entire account with one click but preferred this method. This way he got to watch himself delete the life he wanted the world to know about, squeeze and shatter his heart as he deserved. If he couldn't say anything more than it was for fun, couldn’t argue that it was his life and if he wanted to run a fake blog about it he damn well could, maybe he did deserve to live his life under the thumb of controlling management that wanted nothing but their own success, damn their clients and their happiness. 

Jamming his finger up against the corner of his left eye, he took a moment to take a breath, trying to shake off all the negative thoughts circling his mind. He needed to be strong, he needed to believe in his love. Louis was the one who had to present the facade to the world. He was management's whipping boy. He was the one everyone dumped on. He had to put on the show but when it came down to it, when the doors closed and it was just them, Harry was the one soothe his sadness. He couldn't fall into that as well. He had to be stronger than that. He had to stay angry, not self pitying.

“We're doing this for Lou...just keep going...” he murmured to himself, taking one more deep breath and going back to his work, biting down on his lip when he deleted a text post that analyzed a few of his tattoos. He could rewrite it. Everything could be put back. Just under another account. This one would definitely be on the monitored list now. At least he hadn't been working on his queue with all the personal photos when Paul had caught him. That would have brought real trouble. All those pictures were still safe on his hard drive, backed up on at least two usb keys. Everything else was re-doable. All he needed to do was rewrite and reblog. He just wouldn't risk using the new account when anyone from management was around. When anyone who wasn't he or Louis was around even.

He kept on deleting, starting in surprise when a scrapping sound signalled a chair being pulled up next to him. Glancing away from the laptop screen, he curled his nose a little as Eleanor sat beside him, arms folded and resting on the arm of the couch.

“Can I not delete my love life without the reason I can't share that love life sitting beside me?” he hissed, the older girl rolling her eyes at him.

“I'm not the reason you two can't be together. If anything I'm the reason you can occasionally be seen together. Or I would be if you could keep your heart eyes to yourself.” she sighed, reaching to finger the touch pad and scroll through a few posts that hadn't been removed yet. “I wondered if this account belonged to someone on the inside. Some of the comments and tags were just a little too accurate.” she mused, tipping her head to study Harry's face, biting the inside of her cheek to keep back a smile. That pout was endearing even when it was paired with a glare. 

“Management has you tracking Larry blogs now too?” Harry asked with a growl, batting her hand away to delete the post she was smiling at. His Boobear. Not her's. 

“No, I have my own personal account where I try to keep Larry and Elounor fans civil to each other. Next to impossible really but I follow as many accounts as I can. I just found this one the other day. How long have you had it?” Eleanor tried to be civil herself. Talking with Harry was usually easier than this. No, he didn't have a soft spot for her thanks to her job but he was usually less cranky. Considering he just gotten bawled out by his boss however, maybe she was expecting too much for him to be pleasant at the moment. He didn't reply, instead concentrating on deleting a slew of posts without reading the commentary as he had been doing before. Eleanor shrugged and dropped a usb key shaped like a duck on to his lap.

“I've watched you working on it. You have personal pictures ready to go as well but they've never come up so I'm assuming they're on queue. Here's some of mine.” she explained, offering a smile when Harry looked from the bright pink duck to her with wide eyes. “I'm paid to distract the fans but it doesn't mean I don't believe in you two.” pushing her chair backwards, she patted his shoulder before standing up and smoothing out her skirt. Harry picked up the key, taking off the cap and sliding it into an empty port, opening up the files when the window popped up. Eleanor could get a job as a paparazzi herself with some of these shots. Unable to help himself, the curly-haired boy smiled.

“Thanks Eleanor...” he murmured, saving the files for himself though he didn't offer the duck back when he was done. His boyfriend's beard didn't ask for it either.  
“Anytime.” was her reply before disappearing off to find Louis now that his interview time slot was over, to do a Starbucks run. Her good deed deserved a caramel latte with extra whip. 

 

Later that evening, when interviews were over and Harry and Zayn were on hotel style house arrest for their attempt of throwing everything into chaos, Louis snuck into the room that Harry was now sharing with Liam, the doe eyed boy giving them a sympathetic smile as he slipped out to find some dinner. 

“You got busted?” Louis asked, dropping a bucket on the floor and crawling up the bed to cuddle up next to his boyfriend. Harry tossed the tv remote away to the other bed so he could wrap his arms around Louis' middle, nuzzling his face into the stubble along his jaw.

“Ya...Paul was angrier about it than I ever thought he'd be. Now we can't even share a room.” he murmured, trying to edge even closer even if they were already pressed so close that breathing was a touch difficult.

“Just for a couple days. He can't stop us when we go back home. Besides, maybe we'll get some sleep for once.” Louis teased, pressing kisses to chocolate brown hair. Harry huffed and shook his head, giving the other a none to gentle head-butt.

“Liam better like a cuddle then because I don't think I know how to sleep without you any more.” he muttered, making Louis laugh even if he hadn't meant to. 

“You'll be fine. At least you have a room mate.” Shaking his head, the older boy pulled away the slightest bit to pull his phone from his pocket, glancing down at the message. “Ahh shit. Paul's doing rounds to check on everyone already. He's in with Niall and Zayn at the moment. They won't be able to distract him long.” he grumbled and pressed one last quick kiss to Harry's hair. “They can't keep us in this cage forever baby. We'll blow it all apart one day.” he assured his lover and slipped off the bed, heading to the door and cracking it open to peak out. Seeing Paul's back in the door way of the room that Niall and Zayn were stuck in for the night, he gave Harry a wave and snuck out with the ice bucket he'd come with, still empty but who'd be checking? Harry wiggled his fingers at him as he departed and slumped down on to his pillows when the door clicked shut. At least Louis was feeling more positive about the situation. That thought made Harry smile a little bit and he reached over to the night stand to grab his phone to restart his tumblr account. This one would be private and all queue until their decided upon day. Then their cage really would be blown apart.


	8. Chapter 8

The surprise end to Liam and Danielle's relationship had PR swamped and team meetings all over the place, all five boys having to be a part of them. Management said to show a united front and so they all understood how to answer questions. The boys themselves were there to support their friend no matter what. Liam needed all the support they could muster. He'd been surprised as anyone else, sitting through the meetings curled against Zayn's side, the older boy keeping a tight arm around his shoulders and a hand stroking his hair. The breakup at coincided with a string of interviews about the up coming album and tended towards the same behaviour; leaning against Louis, Niall or Harry if they were beside him, always preferring Zayn however, always fitting himself right into the slender boy's side. Management watched carefully. Ziam wasn't as wildly popular as Larry, their fans more subdued like the boys themselves. In general the reception of the affection was well received which got the minds of the PR teams working. Another One Direction drama to keep the boys in the public eye. A meeting was called, tired eyed boys sitting facing near manic smiles from their handlers.

“Boys, we're going to try a new angle and it's going to put a lot of focus on Liam and Zayn. It's going to be fabulous!” a brightly beaming woman chirped, clapping her hands like a giddy child. Four raised eyebrows and one confused puppy head tilt were her only responses so she went on. “We want you two to make the rounds at local clubs and hot spots. Together. No girls. Just you two with all that lovely affection that the fans are eating up. They love the mysterious bad boy comforting his sweet, shy friend.” she continued, getting five dropped jaws as a reaction now. It took a few stops and starts before Zayn could finally work out a response.

“You want us to go out on dates then?” he asked incredulously, pushing his hair back from his eyes. When all the management members across the table nodded in unison, his eyes got wide and he looked to Harry and Louis, sitting with Niall between them because now, even at meetings like this, they weren't allowed to be next to each other. 

“Sort of dates. That's a little cutesy though. More like outings between friends who are considering being more than friends. Oh!! What if we let them get caught with a drunken kiss!” the woman who was doing all the talking turned to her team members to quickly discuss her new idea, all smiles and nods. The boys weren't nearly so excited. Most of them were pale, even a little green around the eyes.

“I'm going to be sick....” Liam muttered, cupping his head in his hands, unable to look at his friends. This discussion should never have happened. Should never have existed. Not with a pair of the boys dying to come out and tell the world just how in love they were sitting right there in the same band. Niall had a hand on both friend's thighs, rubbing quick to try and sooth them or keep them from fainting, he honestly wasn't sure which. Louis had such a grip on his own knee caps his entire hands were white and Harry wound up being the one to snap.

“You WANT them to do all the things you've been keeping Louis and I apart for for two years??? What the fuck is that about?!?!” he demanded, standing up so fast his chair flipped. His eyes were wide, chest heaving for breath and looking to do murder but the team laughed him off, no reaction but a hand gesture to wave him off.

“Nothing like that Harry. You two are too into each other, that would ruin the band. This is perfect, a bit of flirting, a bit of comfort, a bit of curiosity. We'll get one of them a new girlfriend in a few weeks and it will have all been boyish experimenting. After all, it's common knowledge that Zayn and Liam kissed once. It won't be hard for the public to believe that it was all just experimentation.” it was so off hand and causal that Harry just stared, at a loss for words, absorbing the realization that nothing was sacred here. Love didn't sell but drunken wrecks did and this team in front of them were excited to sell his friends' dignity to the highest bidder but would never let themselves be embarrassed or look like they were wrong. Money was all they cared about and making as much of it as possible. Long legs gave out and he sat on the floor with a thump, unable to process anything else. His brain was done. The management team was still chattering away. Niall rubbed at his back but he barely noticed. On the other side of the blonde, Louis had folded into himself, head on the edge of the table, staring at his jeans. 

“I won't do it. Not when there's a legitimate couple here who could sell your idea a thousand times better.” Zayn shook his head and crossed his arms, glaring across the table. The smiles and giddiness disappeared, one of them tilting his head down to look over his glasses at his client.

“You will do it. It's your job and if you don't like it, you can suck it up and do it anyway. That's the way this goes Mr. Malik. We instruct, you preform and we all get a little richer.” he explained and with that, the meeting was adjourned, the management team all heading out without another word to the boys, heads bent together as they plotted which clubs to alert that they would have high profile guests over the next few weeks. 

“I don't remember that part in our contract...” Niall murmured once the room was clear, breaking the silence. “I'm so sorry guys.” he added, looking to all four of his band mates in turn, each one studying their hands and their laps.

“Are we really nothing more than animals doing cheap tricks? I get that we're a manufactured band and all but really?” Liam asked, looking up confused, searching for an answer on the other's faces. 

“I think it's pretty clear now that we are.” Zayn sighed, rubbing at the leather strap of his watch. Silence returned as they all contemplated that revaluation until Louis pushed his chair back and stood, hands shoved deep into his pockets. 

“I give up.” he murmured, voice soft and empty, and he walked away, not even pausing when Harry called out for him to wait. He just kept walking. Down the hallway, down the stairs, out to his car and drove away. He went home despite the temptation to drive himself off a cliff instead and trudged to the apartment, ignored the cries from the fans who always stood at the complex's gates. Inside he kicked off his shoes and went to his own bedroom, not the one he shared with his lover every night. Fully dressed, he crawled under the blankets that smelt of nothing but laundry soap and pulled them up over his head. He didn't sleep, he didn't cry, he just lay there with a pillow hugged to his chest and happenings of the meeting looping through his head over and over again.

 

That was how Harry found him after searching half of London and contemplating heading to Doncaster. He'd searched the apartment over twice as well, never thinking to check the unused bedroom that only ever had an occupant if Eleanor was forced to spend the night or something equally rare. The third check of the flat had him properly looking into the room rather than just swinging the door open and yelling Louis' name before tearing the kitchen cupboards apart. Stepping into the twilight dark room, he prodded the pile of blankets in the centre of the bed, speaking softly.

“Lou? Have you been here all day?” he asked when the pile shifted a little. 

“Pretty much.” was the equally soft reply and Harry pulled back the blankets to crawl in with him, arms wrapping around Louis' middle even though his lover didn't move to cuddle closer to him. He lay still and quiet, barely breathing. It made Harry shudder when his mind compared it to snuggling up to a corpse. 

“Liam's still trying to argue against the plan, pointing out every negative thing about it that he can think of. Zayn's a little hurt over his protests, all things considered, but their main concern is us. Neither of them want to go out and make a mockery of what we have.” Harry filled his lover in on what had happened after he walked out, fingers rubbing absent circles against the flesh of his hip until Louis pushed his hand away.

“They want their scandals and they want to make it so we can never come out. Four potentially gay boys in one band? It'd be ruining. Even ten years from now when One Direction is nothing but a memory, we wouldn't be able to. This isn't like Lance Bass and Stephen Gately. They want to lock us in the closet forever.” the older boy murmured, his voice catching. He bit down on his pillow to contain a sob though his shoulder's shook with it anyway. Harry sighed softly, nuzzling shaking shoulders and pressed a kiss to the back of Louis' neck. 

“It won't be all that bad love. The moment the contract is up with Modest we refuse to resign and come out. It's a ridiculously contract but it will end one day. Or we just tell the boys that this was the last straw, we're leaking a picture of us together that no one can doubt or analyse away. That we are a couple.” he offered with cautious optimism. Louis grunted and shoved his pillow away then the blankets as well, getting off the bed and leaving Harry by himself.

“It is the last straw Harry, I wasn't talking out of emotion at the meeting. I'm done. I'm done with all of it.” he murmured, moving to the dresser where they kept all the extra odds and ends when it wouldn't fit in the drawers of their bedroom or bathroom. He took out a small bottle and tossed it at his lover, now sitting up in the middle of the bed. Harry studied the container for a moment then looked up, eyebrows drawn down in confusion.

“Sleeping pills?” he asked, tilting his head. Louis nodded, folding his arms over his stomach and watching his lover closely for his reaction as he spoke.

“Mmhmm. I hear if you take enough of them you wake up from this eternal nightmare.”

 

Harry dropped the bottle like it burnt him and shot off the bed, hands clenching around Louis' shoulders, shaking him roughly.

“No! No, no, no, no, no. Don't ever think like that, no. We are not overdosing on anything. You are not overdosing.” he insisted, giving the other another good shake to make sure his point was heard. Louis grunted as the movement made him stumble back, bumping into the jutting edge of the edge.

“It's the cleanest way to kill yourself.” he stated simply, pushing at the hands on his shoulders half-heartedly. Harry's eyes watered as he dug his nails into soft flesh.

“Louis, no! You were okay with things again the other week even with Paul finding out about the tumblr. What about exploding out of our cages? What about coming out so everyone can see how much we love each other?” he pressed their foreheads together so he could stare down into the sad blue eyes that were usually dancing with mischief. There was none of that now. Just flat resignation. The love of his life really had given up. 

“No one is going to see that. Everyone is going to think it's just another publicity stunt. Something to keep One Direction in the news, something else for the world to they they deserve access too.” Louis replied, arms hanging at his side now, giving up on trying to push the other's hands away.

“But that was our plan all along. To do it slow but to come out. So we could be who we are and forget what everyone else says.” Harry murmured, reaching up to stroke his fingers along the soft skin of Louis' cheek, watching eyes flutter shut as he shook his head.

“Not any more. Not with them doing this to Liam and Zayn. They've made it so this is the only way out. A bottle of pills and it's all over with.” the resignation which with he spoke made Harry's heart sink to the floor as he wrapped his arms around his smaller frame and hugged him as tightly as he could.

“Please Louis...no. Don't think like that. Don't talk like that. It'll be okay. We'll make it okay.” he whimpered, loosening his arms as Louis pushed a hand his chest.

“Let's just go sleep Hazza. I don't want to think about anything any more.” Louis sighed and ducked out from under Harry's hold, by passing the bed and the bottle of pills that had been left on it without a glance, heading instead for the room they shared as theirs. Harry didn't leave the bottle though. He grabbed it and slammed it into the garbage bin at the foot of the bed and pulled the door shut tightly behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the month long wait for this chapter. December is a busy month for me. Let's continue with this depressing little story shall we?

The following few weeks were a mess of hype about potentially real, unimagined Ziam moments and constant promotion of the new album, televised programs scattered across the UK and the rest of the western world. The sleeping pills were not mentioned again, being One Direction was talking up all their time, leaving no time for discussions of overdoses and suicide. It was clear to Harry that it was still on Louis' mind however. He was quiet through the interviews, passing off the questions directed at him to the other boys and sitting folded up on himself, constantly fussing with his clothes just to have something to do. His fans noticed and fretted about their favourite boy, worrying about everything from cutting and an eating disorder to piercings and tattoos hidden under his shirts. His band mates noticed, giving him concerned looks on the interview couches and tight hugs back stage. He brushed off their worries with half smiles and jokes that fell flat, closing out everyone with headphones over his ears and his eyes closed once he was in the dressing room. Harry was left to run damage control, assuring his friends that it was just the Ziam that was getting to him, that once it blew over he'd be himself again, not to worry. It was going to blow over soon wasn't it? He asked every few days but no one had an answer. Management didn't notice and if they did, they didn't care. They were more interested in all the positive promotion they were getting out of One Direction these days. The new album was already shattering records for pre-sales and creating new ones that any artist would have a hard time beating. The joker's sad eyes were just another bit of publicity for the media to fight over. Was Elounor coming to an end? Was someone close to him ill? Was we getting the short end of the solo stick again? They made up as many rumours as there were tabloids but most of the speculation fizzled when nothing came from the Modest! camp to confirm or deny and Louis' change in character was forgotten when Zayn and Liam hit the clubs together.

 

When they got the rare opportunity to be in London, at their own flats and sleeping in their own beds, Harry began to notice a disturbing trend in the home he shared with Louis. He began finding bottles of sleeping pills everywhere, left in the most random places. He'd found them stuck between couch cushions, sitting on top of the conditioner bottle in the shower and even in amongst the video games where anyone could come across them. Each time he threw a bottle out, two more would replace it. When he asked about them, Louis would shrug and take the bottle he'd been confronted with, walking away with it to put it in the bathroom vanity cabinet. The seals were never broken, something Harry checked obsessively for, but by the time the second single from their album was selected, there were enough pills in their flat to put everyone in London to sleep for a night. 

 

“Lou...what's the point of all this?” Harry asked one day, pulling a bottle out from behind the container of apple juice in the fridge, holding it up for Louis to see what he was referring to. The blue eyed boy apparently didn't need the reminder as he didn't look away from the kettle he was waiting to boil, a large mug with a teabag at the bottom waiting with him.

“For just in case.” he replied, pouring the heated water into his cup, watching it go from crisp and clear to dark brown, the leaves swirling in the bag. He liked watching tea brew. There was something peaceful about it. Harry however, was not feeling the peace. He was feeling his stomach twist into knots. Gripping the bottle tight, he shut the fridge and took the few short steps between them, wrapping his arms around Louis' shoulders, laying his cheek against the top of his head.

“In case of what?” he murmured softly, letting go of the bottle when Louis' fingers brushed against his to take it. He studied it silently as he leant back into Harry's hold, reading over the tiny text that instructed what to do with the pills, and what not too as well. He read over the phone number for poison control and what to do in case of accidental overdose. Taking a deep breath then letting it out slowly, he nuzzled against Harry’s cheek and put the bottle down on the counter beside his steaming mug.

“In case we want out. And the more and more I think about it....the more I really do.” he stated softly, closing his eyes as he lifted his drink to his lips, taking a sip while Harry's arms tightened around him and a shaky breath stirred his hair.

“I'm going to show you something baby. It's gonna help. It'll be better than thinking about this all the time. We'll do it together and you'll see.” Harry murmured, turning his head to wipe his tears across his shoulder.

 

By the end of the day, Harry had convinced him to go with him to the local tattoo parlour, coming away with a set of empty quotation marks on the inside of his right wrist and by the end of the night he was addicted. He had discovered what his boyfriend had months earlier. The pain of the needle was a great distraction from everything else that was going on in his life. He found he needed a lot of distractions and ended up with his right arm full of simple sketches and cryptic words. He fell asleep each night with his 'oops!' pressed against Harry's 'hi!', the first words they'd ever spoken to each other. The new way of coping, the sweet sting of ink being permanently pushed into his skin cheered him up considerably. He started talking in interviews again, back to being the funny spokesman who always had an embarrassing tale to tell about one of his band mates As his smile came back, those around him worried less. He would purposefully flash his wrist during interviews, grinning when he was questioned about his sudden change of opinion on getting tattoos on himself. 

“Sometimes you just need a bit of permanence in this crazy life you know? To remind you why you're here.” became his standard reply, along with a flash of a smile in Harry's direction. Despite that, management didn't seem to put two and two together, that every tattoo he put on himself related directly to his boyfriend if it was considered long enough. Instead they rewarded him for bouncing back, even making a joke about how often Zayn and Liam were seen together lately, teasing them playfully. The tight leash they kept him on was loosened a bit. He was given his twitter account back as well as being able to sit with Harry again during interviews and interact with him on stage. The actor was back on his game.

 

Sitting around in the back of the bus as they drove across the country to one of their many interviews, Zayn sat with a black ballpoint pen and Louis' arm over his lap, doodling new tattoo ideas on to his golden skin. There was a crude description of a gay man scrawled between his quotation marks and a dragon crawling along the outside of his forearm, mouth gaping towards his elbow.

“I'll definitely have to be in long sleeves today.” Louis huffed, licking his thumb and trying to scrub the word from his wrist.

“We're all in long sleeves lately. Even if it feels forty degrees under the spot lights.” Zayn mumbled around the pen cap between his teeth, tongue poking out along side it as he concentrated on the dragon's scales. “This would actually make a pretty sweet tattoo you know.” he mused, sitting back for a moment to consider the sinuous creature. Louis tipped his head to study it himself, pulling his arm away to try and see it from Zayn's angle.

“Suppose it would but this arm's for Haz. It would have to go somewhere else.” he agreed and let his arm be taken back for finishing touches. Even if it would fade away after a few washes, the artist couldn't stand to leave work unfinished. After a few quiet minutes, Zayn stroked his thumb over a few scales to check the affect smudging would have as he spoke.

“I've been kinda worried about you lately you know. You doing alright?” he asked, glancing out of the corner of his eye to evaluate Louis' expression. The older boy gave an unenthusiastic shrug and pulled his arm away, smudging the scales himself with the same technique that his band mate did.

“I've been better. Everything is kind of shit lately.” he replied, flexing his arm to watch the moment the dragon made.

“You can talk to me you about it ya? Have a good old heart to heart with DJ Malik?” Zayn flashed a smile that only made it half way to his eyes, the expression falling when Louis looked up from his arm, eyes grey and flat, no spark of amusement in them.

“Rather hard when you're a part of what's bringing me down isn't it?” he asked dejectedly, drawing his knees up to his chest and curling his arms around them. Zayn winced and tucked his pen behind his ear before taking up the same position, chin tucked over his knees as he leant ever so slightly against the other.

“Not my fault. You know it better than the rest of us do. When management tells us to jump, they make us jump even if we've superglued our feet to the floor.” he murmured, fussing with a loose piece of thread at the bottom of his jeans. He was going to have to start getting his pants hemmed. They hung too long and too loose these days.

“Not that you've minded what you've had to do.” Louis snorted, glancing over to the other couch when Liam sat alone with his phone, tongue poking out the corner of his mouth in concentration as he attempted to beat his record at tetris. Zayn smiled watching him but turned back to Louis with a shake of his head.

“I'd give up my own happiness a hundred times so that those I love wouldn't have to hurt. You know that. I think I've proved that enough in the time we've known each other.” he replied, lips pursed as he watched Louis think about about his words for a few moments.

“I know it, I do. It doesn't stop me from being miserable seeing it though. That they're letting you and Liam grind on each other in public while Harry and I can't barely look at each other without getting the stop signal from the handlers.” he sighed, tugging at a fistful of his hair, pulling his fringe down over his eyes. Zayn frowned, opening his mouth to reply but Louis' words kept tumbling out now that he'd started talking. “I feel like my happiness has been ripped out of me. Like it doesn't matter what I'm feeling so long as everything else is smooth sailing. It's like they enjoy watching me suffer through it. Like they know the only things that really get to me and purposely use those tactics over and over.” he whimpered, unfolding himself to curl up against Zayn's side, burying his face against his ribs. The other let go of his knees, wrapping his arm around his friend's shoulders to hold him close, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“Shhh, it's okay Lou....well, it's not but it will be. It'll be okay one day. One day you and Harry will be able to walk around hand in hand and no one will be hissing in your ears to stop. And it'll be one day soon too. Really soon.” Zayn rested his cheek on top of Louis' head while he tried to soothe him, eyes catching Liam's when the doe eyed boy glanced up from his game and blinked at the sight of the two boys curled up on the couch together. Raising a finger to his lips to tell him to be silent, he turned back to his the friend murmuring a reply against his side as Liam nodded and shut off his game, shifting to face them on his own couch, listening in quietly.

“....not soon enough....” was all Zayn managed to decipher from Louis' muttering, making him smile sadly, nuzzling his hair and pressing an affectionate kiss to his crown.

“It should have been okay from day one but that's two years gone now. It won't be another two years though. We won't let it be.” he assured him, his head snapping up along with Louis' when Liam added his own promise.

“None of us will. You'll be out and hiding nothing well before my birthday.” he stated and moved over to sit with them on Louis' other side, resting his head on his shoulder and giving him a squeeze around the middle. “When does Harry plan to come out anyway?” he added, sitting back a bit when Louis moved to attempt cuddling into the both of them.

“Before my birthday I think. Well after the album drops so it doesn't affect sales but before Christmas when there's always lots of other things in the news. He spends loads of time practising what he wants to say and how he'll say it.” Louis replied, only feeling a touch of guilt about his lie. Harry seemed to have forgotten about outing himself, working on his tumblr instead to out both of them and he himself was planning never to see another birthday at all, out to the world or not. His band mates bought it though, both nodding along.

“A little while after that for you and Eleanor to break up then. Then the big summer reveal.” Liam mused, tapping his lips thoughtfully. 

“Ya, something like that.” Louis agreed and moved to sit up on his knees on the couch as the bus began to slow down into a stop. He glanced out the window with it's heavily tinted glass; he could barely see out them and it was impossible to see in. He recognized the shape of a television building however and the sea of people waiting beyond barricade fences. “Looks like we're here. Better wake up the sleeping beauties.” he sighed and got up, making his way to the closed doors that lead to the bunks. As he pulled the door open, he glanced over his shoulder and gave the other two still occupying the couch a small smile; not half as bright as the one he usually wore but still with real meaning behind it.

“Thanks for listening. Sorry if I got your shirt wet.” he winked and disappeared, the door snapping shut behind him automatically. Liam studied the door with furrowed eyebrows as he considered what he'd heard while Zayn looked down at his shirt, a frown creasing his features.

“But Li...he didn't cry at all.” he commented, looking up from his shirt, pulling the loose fabric away from his side for the other to see. Liam blinked, head tilting curiously as he bit at the corner of his lip.  
“I was thinking the same thing.” he admitted, reaching out to run his fingers over the spot that should be damp according to Louis' apology. It was completely dry, just warm from having two bodies pressed against it. “He may not be a teary wreck like Harry or Niall is, but all things considered he usually would cry at least a bit in this situation.” 

“Mmhmm. I hope he's alright.” Zayn agreed with a sigh, standing up himself to put away the pen and other art supplies he'd dragged out for bus ride. Liam nodded and opened the door as Paul thumped his fist into it. He gave the tour manager a nod as he slipped by, smiling at the sight a few feet ahead of him; Louis standing up on tiptoes to lean into Harry's bunk and kiss him awake. He passed them with a ruffle of Harry’s curls and a slight push to Louis' shoulder. Inside the backroom, Zayn was sliding his pen into the pencil case he kept next to Harry's box of crayons, a gag gift from a friend after reading an article about their relative youth in the industry. Trying to put the case back, he found it a far tighter fit than usual. He reached in, fingers closing around a cylinder shaped object and pulled it out. 

“Huh, sleeping pills. Wonder who can't sleep...” he mused to himself and put the bottle on top of the shelf next to the tv where its owner could easily find them before he headed out to the front of the bus with the others.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got hit with a truck load of inspiration this weekend so here, have another chapter. I wish I could regularly update like this but alas, this likely won't happen again.
> 
> Enjoy though!! Well, enjoy as much as one can enjoy this increasingly angsty story...

“Louis! You left it in the bus for everyone to see! You didn't even hide it! What the hell!?!” Harry rarely got mad, especially not with his boyfriend but now he was fuming. He had found the bottle Zayn had courteously left out on the bus and had launched it out the window the first time their wheels had come to a stop. Now he had Louis cornered in their hotel room while they were supposed to be getting ready for their next interview. Instead they were half dressed, Harry raging and Louis staring at the floor.

“I didn't leave them out like that. I put them behind your crayons. Someone else must have found them.” he replied, tugging at his belt self consciously. 

“You still hid them on the bus! I never use those crayons. Zayn is the only one who goes anywhere near that shelf. You wanted someone else to find them.” Harry accused, backing the older boy up against the wall, hands planted on either side of his head. 

“I really didn't. I don't want the others finding out. It put it there just in case we wanted it--” Louis was cut short when the door to their room slammed open, both their heads snapping towards the noise and Niall coming in with his hands on a horrible mess of a tie knot.

“Hey Lou, can you fix this for me? I can't find any of our stylists and I've made a mess--oops. Sorry.” when the blonde looked up he winced and tried to look everywhere but his half dressed band-mates; one against the wall and the other looming over him. “My bad. I'll find Liam or something. Sorry. Really sorry!” he hightailed it out of the room with red cheeks and left the couple snickering despite their argument.

“They've got to stop programing our keys to open any of our doors.” Harry sighed, dropping one hand and rubbing at his forehead.

“I think he does it on purpose. He walks in on us at least once a fortnight.” Louis replied, giving a half assed attempt at a smile as he ducked out from under Harry's arm to find the dress shirt he'd been assigned to wear that evening. “You think I want that fluffy little thing to know the state I'm in lately? I wouldn't ever want to hurt him.” 

“Killing yourself would hurt him Louis. It would wreck him.” Harry murmured, moving away from the wall to sit on the bed next to where his boyfriend was dressing, looking up at him solemnly. Louis bit at his bottom lip as he did up his buttons up his chest then fastened the ones at his wrists as well, hiding away Zayn's artwork. 

“I know it would....” he admitted softly, lifting his eyes to meet the other's, fingers fussing with the cuff that circled his quotation marks.

“Then no more talk about this okay? No more pills?” Harry pleaded, taking Louis' hand away from the fabric to hold it tight in his. A sad smile pulled his lips, the older boy shaking his head.

“No promises.”

 

Sleeping pills stopped showing up in random places after that and the bottles also began to disappear at the same rate they'd appeared in the first place. Harry didn't know where they went which worried him more than anything but when he asked Louis would just shrug and reply 'gone' and go about his business. Eventually only two bottles remained, sitting innocently on the top shelf of their bathroom vanity, looming down at Harry and they never disappeared. Every time he opened the mirror to retrieve his toothbrush there they were, tempting him to crack the seal and give up. He'd shake his head forcefully and slam the door shut, scrubbing his teeth until his gums bleed as he tried to purge the thought from his head. Having Louis with dark thoughts and dark circles beneath his eyes was enough. If it became the two of them then there would be no turning back. He started leaving his toothbrush in a drawer instead so he didn't have to look at the bottles that promised to give a restful night's sleep on the front and an eternal one in the caution section on the back. Eventually he stopped using that bathroom all together, making use of the forgotten en suite of Louis' unused bedroom. The pills didn't follow him thought Louis did give him a perplexed look when he dragged his housecoat to the other side of the flat every morning for his shower. He didn't ask though. He started using that shower as well instead, often sneaking in silently to join his boyfriend and staying in until the hot water ran out and they had to scramble out as the water turned to ice. It was on a day like that, when they had stayed under the spray until they were pruney and frozen, that shit hit the fan yet again.

 

Towel dried hair sticking up at odd angles, Harry and Louis cuddled together on their bed wrapped in blankets and housecoats, with their laptops on their knees. Harry was on his new tumblr account, making his comments to his boyfriend instead of typing them into the tags box. He got a few snorts of laughter for his more lewd observations but Louis was more focused on his own computer, flicking between windows to check his email and the music sales result for the week. Take Me Home had dropped the previous Tuesday and the weekly charts would be updating soon. He kept pressing refresh while he read through the latest messages to come from their PR team. It was the usual reminders about when and where interviews and promos would be, how to dress for arrival, what they'd be wearing in front of the cameras, whether to shave or not. The usual stuff. A new message flagged urgent popped up, making him sigh and wonder what was so urgent that they couldn't call him for it. Opening the email, he read through and heaved another sigh, leaning heavily against Harry's side as he turned the computer so he could see the screen as well.

“Apparently it's mine and Eleanor's anniversary. Odd choice don't you think?” he asked, getting a raised eyebrow as Harry read over the single line that had been sent in the text of the mail.

“A little late isn't it? She's been around since what, early October last year? Not surprised they picked the 17th though.” Harry shook his head and went back to his work, reblogging several images in a row of Louis wearing his number 17 soccer jersey. That had been a good day for their Larry girls. They'd picked up on it right away like the good little FBI-agents-in-training they were.

“Mmm. No surprise at all. Suppose I better send her a tweet or something.” Louis huffed and went to the twitter home page to sign in. Ever since he'd gotten his password back from management he stayed signed out unless he was tweeting at that very moment. It was a pain to constantly sign in and out but it kept management from getting his newest password, one he changed weekly, and taking over his account again. As he typed up a message he much rather be sending out to his lover for the world to see, Harry nuzzled against his shoulder and pressed a kiss there.

“Do you remember our anniversary?” he asked, looking up through his lashes when Louis turned his head to see what he was getting the affectionate touch for.

“February 20th, 2011 3:54 pm. Would you like the location too?” he replied easily with a grin, tipping his head down for a kiss. Harry hummed in approval, giving his the still damp strands at the back of his head a gentle tug. The kiss lingered, a lazy relaxing-with-each-other kind of kiss that didn't go anywhere until Louis' computer began burbling with a call via his Skype. He pulled away from Harry with hazy eyes and a contented smile as he answered the call, his smile becoming a grin when he recognized the face of his best friend. 

“Sir Stanley! What do I owe the honour of this call?” he asked cheerfully though his grin quickly fell at the expression of his normally jolly friend's face. “Stan? What's wrong?”

“Call off your management Louis. I didn't sign up for this shit.” Stan replied, eyes narrowed and expression furious. Louis sat up straighter, lifting his thumb to his mouth to chew on his nail as Harry shifted closer to see the screen, concerned over what could make the man on the other end so angry that he had no time for jokes. “And there is the other piece of the problem. Good because you both need to hear what I have to say.”

“What's going on Stan? What's our management have to do with you?” Louis glanced to Harry then back at the screen, eyes wide with worry.

“You two. You two and your fucking relationship. I don't know what you've done to piss off your management team now but it's not just the pair of you involved in this secret you know. I don't talk about it because it's your life, your business. I know you don't want to be out so I don't talk. I never signed any confidentially agreements though. Best friends as we are, our lives are separate. No matter with that though huh? This morning I get a phone call threatening my academic future from your team unless I do what they say. They know they can't bribe me so they threaten everything I've worked for. Your life is fucking up MY life now Louis. That's what's going on.” Stan seethed, teeth clenched as he glared daggers through the computer screen. Louis didn't think he'd ever seen his friend this angry over anything. Harry definitely hadn't.

“What are they asking you to do?” Louis asked softly, swallowing the lump in his throat. Love wasn't supposed to ruin peoples lives, especially not lives of those not involved.

“They're telling me to use my twitter account to trash Larry fans. To be as mean as possible and just be a fucking ass to them. That's what they're making me do. And they are making me do it Tomlinson. They're forcing me to do it because otherwise they're going to sabotage my marks. Make me out to be a plagiarizer and a cheat. They're going to completely ruin all the work I’ve put in for three years unless I treat other human beings like shit. And I’m doing it because I'm not you, I don't have a voice and the looks to fall back on being a star. I've got to live my life and if my schooling is ruined then my entire future is ruined.” Stan growled and Harry shifted quickly to grab his own computer and check out Stan's twitter account. He groaned at what he saw; cruel words and curses everywhere, slamming anyone who had mentioned him along with anything to do with Larry or Louis' sexuality. Louis himself sat in stunned silence, hands covering his face as he tried to breathe through the free fall his emotional stability was now on.

“This doesn't even sound like you on half of these...” Harry murmured, reading through one particularly out of character response about being bought a car. That observation seemed to calm the man on the other side of the conversation, shoulders slumping as he deflated and looked saddened instead.

“I know. I was trying to pull the move I've seen you guys do sometimes. Say things that are so out of character that someone out there with half a brain will realize that what's going on really isn't me. Or my real feelings on the subject at least.” he sighed, scrubbing his hand through his hair. “This isn't fun any more guys. I'm privatizing my account once today is over. I still have a half dozen more things to do for them anyway.” 

“I'm sorry Stan. I'm so sorry.” Louis apologized through his hands, his voice cracking on the second sorry. 

“Me too Louis. Me too.” with a shake of his head, Stan hung up on his end, leaving the bright blue Skype logo on the screen. Louis shoved the computer off his lap and slumped down against his pillows, hugging one of them to his chest as his breathing hitched. Harry scrolled through a few more tweets before shaking his head at a response one of the messages had gotten and put his own computer down the side of the bed and curled up against his boyfriend's back.

“They're back on your account again too...” he felt horrible for adding to disaster but his boyfriend had to know. He kept the comments he'd seen from Eleanor's account to himself however.

“Not surprising...” Louis murmured against his pillow, pulling away from the softness so he was easier to hear. “That's why Eleanor and I's anniversary was today. So they would know exactly when I was on twitter so they could get in and do this. They probably even told Stan to call me so they'd know I seen the mess they were making. We haven't even DONE anything lately to set this off. I haven't done anything. We've been good. We've been quiet. I go out with Eleanor and you go out with Keylee but they're still not happy.” he rolled over as tears started leaking from the corners of his eyes and buried his face against Harry's chest, hands clenching tightly at the fabric of his housecoat. All Harry could do was hold him as the words just kept pouring out of his shaking boyfriend. “They're never going to be happy. Nothing is ever going to please them. They're dragging my friends into it and they are threatening them because they can't be bribed. What are they going to do next? Threaten my little sisters? They already have my mum on a leash and now my best friend. Why don't they do this to you Harry? Why is it always me?” Louis pounded his fist against Harry's chest until it began to hurt and the younger boy grabbed it and held it to his cheek.

“I don't know baby, I don't know. I'm sorry it's always you. I hate that it's always you.” he murmured, heaving a sigh as he wrapped his lover in as tight of a hug as he could. “We could tell them we broke up...that all this pressure, all this shit they dump on us got too much. Just keep what we are just to us. To no one else.” he offered though he was terrified of the reply. Louis pulled away to look up at him, blue eyes bloodshot but fierce.

“No. No. Never. You are the only reason I go through all this and I will never let them think they won. If we break up one day, it's not going to be about them. It will be about us. And it's not going to happen. Ever.” he stated and Harry couldn't help but sigh in relief, pulling Louis back into his tight hold. Louis hugged him back just as fiercely. “There's only way they're going to get it though. Only one way that they're ever going to see how serious we take our relationship.” he added, nuzzling in against his shoulder socket. Harry closed his eyes, biting down at his lip as he slowly nodded.

“I know...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, no more playing in the canon. The two twitter gates were just too good to pass up for propelling the story but I'm keeping it in its own little world now. Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

“What's your take on the latest drama to come from Louis' twitter?” Harry licked the whipped cream from his upper lip and looked up from his hot chocolate to study Keylee, her own steaming cup of green tea held between her cold chapped hands. They sat together in the quiet back corner of a local coffee shop in beanies to cover up their distinct hair styles. One of Harry's body guards sat a few tables away flipping through a newspaper and another was at the front door with a coffee, seemingly watching the world go by. A pair of hired paparazzi had already come by to take a few shots of their 'incognito' date though word hadn't seemed to spread further than that. 

“Management was tweeting for him again. Same as they did the other month.” he replied after taking a long, slow sip of his drink, using the pause to make sure no one else was close enough to over hear their discussion. 

“Not just for him though right? They got into Eleanor's account as well right? And his best friend's?” Keylee pressed on, her pierced eyebrows drawn together in concern. Harry mimicked her expression and shook his head.

“No, just his. Stan was threatened into it though. As for Eleanor, I don't know why she was adding her opinion. I think she gets paid by the rumour she shoots down. Why do you ask now? That was nearly two weeks ago.” he asked, putting his cup down and giving her his full attention, chin resting on the palm of his hand. Keylee sighed and focused on her cup, spinning it slowly between her palms.

“I haven't seen you since before then. I've been meaning to ask about it though...”

“You can call or text me anytime Keylee. We're still friends despite you being hired to hang around me.” Harry interrupted, eyes widening. He liked having a friend in his beard; some who he could talk music with when everyone else was sick of the albums he had a tendency to over share and who understood the exact position he was in. Mostly he just liked having friends he could be himself with, even if they were paid and under contract. Those type of people were few and far between when fame was part of his life.

“I know. It's just...this is something that needed to be face to face I guess. That whole experience left a bad taste in my mouth. I knew Louis would have had his account taken over again, that was obvious. I'd hoped that the other two had been as well rather than being willing participants.” Keylee moved her hands from cup to tabletop, tapping her fingernails against the surface as she spoke, fidgety and thoughtful.

“I wouldn't say Stan was a willing participant. He doesn't have a contract or anything. Management threatened him into the position. Unfortunately, it's what they do.” Harry replied with a shrug, trying to get a feel for where she was going with the discussion. 

“I discovered that for myself. They offered me a $2,000 bonus if I commented positively on the way things were being handled between Stan and the fans he was harassing. I deleted my account instead.” she admitted, looking up from her hands to look Harry in the eye, expression flat but her eyes narrowed just the slightest bit in well masked anger.

“So that's which account disappeared from my followed list. Sorry I didn't notice. I haven't been doing much with it but plugging sponsors and the like.” he apologized, reaching out to pat her hand but she snatched it away, tucking it under the table and leant forward, openly angry now.

“That's what you took from that? That I deleted my twitter? Not that your bosses offered to pay me twice my weekly salary if I bullied some young girl because what she likes to read fanfiction about? That doesn't bother you??” she hissed through her teeth, trying to keep her voice down so she didn't disturb the other patrons and tip them off that a celebrity was sharing their space. Harry frowned and sat back, putting his own hands in his lap, fiddling with a loose thread at the bottom of his sweater.

“It bothers me but it's also something I'm used to. They're a grand bunch of assholes. I thought you'd realized that by now. They're the ones paying you to cover up a relationship after all. Shows you how much they care about the well being of their clients. Do you think they give anymore of a damn about a few dozen fans? They care about their money and gay boys don't bring that in.” he sighed, keeping his focus on his lap as he continued. “Of course it bothers me. I'm on the receiving end of it every day. It breaks my heart that other human beings are hearing it from someone I'm associated with.” he mumbled, reaching up to rub a finger at the corner of his eye, bottom lip draw between his teeth. Keylee frowned sympathetically and pulled her chair over beside his, stroking his arm soothingly. 

“I'm sorry Harry. I can't pretend to know how hard this is on you and Louis but I've seen enough to know it's horrible. I don't know how you both manage to stay so strong despite all the opposition but I'm not the same as you. I can't do anymore of this. I can't stand idly by and watch people treat others like shit, no matter what the reasons.” she stated, giving his arm a gentle squeeze when he looked up, eyes a little damp but he had managed not to let them spill.

“You're dumping me?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed. What that allowed to happen on a bearding contract? She still had more than half of it to go. Keylee laughed a little at the expression on his face and nodded.

“Ya, I guess that's what we'd call it.” she nodded and sat back, tugging her beanie further forward over the bright blue chunks in her bangs. 

“Oh...kay. Right. Better let the bosses know. When do you want to do this? And how? Big blow out? Did I cheat? Couldn't stand the pressure? What do you think?” Harry pulled out his phone to look up Modest!'s phone number to request an early termination of a contract. Keylee stood as she shook her head.

“No, right here right now is our break up. Take care Harry. Don't worry, I'll keep all your secrets.” she leant close and pressed a kiss to his cheek then picked up her purse and walked away, leaving her still steaming green tea to go cold and a wide eyed teenager all alone watching her go. Harry sat shell shocked for a few moments until the jingle of the bell over the door chimed as she opened it snapped him out of his stupor.

“Can we still check out concerts together?” he called out. Keylee looked over her shoulder with a sad smile and shook her head.

“I don't think so hun. Probably best to loose my number.” she replied then let the door close behind her, other patrons looking up from their drinks and books to see what the raised voices was about. Harry sank down into his seat and pushed his sweet drink away from him, eyes downcast and a tight feeling in his chest. Now there was one less person in his world that he could confide in and it hurt as bad as a real break up.

 

Harry walked home from the coffee shop with his phone in hand and ears open to any murmurs or shrieks of his name. His body guards lagged only a few steps behind, trying to appear inconspicuous but it wasn't easy with a pair of giant men with beefy arms following after a lanky teenager. He was spotted only two blocks from home and signed a handful of autographs before being able to escape into a cab, waving with a smile that didn't quite make it to his eyes, leaving the small cluster of fans fretting about him the way the Louis girls had on mass in the weeks prior. He sent off a cryptic tweet of break up lyrics and another private message to his boyfriend stating 'I’m not so good at girlfriends it appears' then settled back against the cracked leather of his seat, closing his eyes against the blur of greys and browns that made up the buildings of North London. The phone chirped it's bubbly ring tone just as the cab pulled up in front of the apartment complex, leaving Harry to juggle payment and answering the call at the same time, cursing softly under his breath when he realized he'd given the driver a fifty pound note for a £15 ride. He shrugged as he finally managed a greeting into his phone. He could more than afford a generous tip. What was £50 with a couple million in the bank.

“Got dumped did you baby? What happened?” Louis asked, rolling his eyes on the other end of the line as he listened to his boyfriend muttering to himself amidst the rest of the background noise.

“Keylee didn't like the way things were handled with Stan the other week. They asked her to take part in the bullying.” Harry replied, punching in his pass code in the elevator then leaned back against the mirrored wall as the contraption began to ascend. “Apparently she was offered two grand to do it.”

“That would explain the new coat that Eleanor is strutting around in like a bloody peacock.” Louis snorted and moved the phone away from his mouth to call to his beard who was browsing a rack of seemingly identical white blouses. “Get a good bonus did you?”

“Shut up Lewis.” she called back sweetly, yanking out the one that caught her eye; a little extra frill around the collar making it perfect.

“Ahh fuck off....” Louis muttered as he went back to his call. “You alright though?” he asked his boyfriend, knowing that Harry's sensitive side would likely be wounded even by a break down of a fake relationship.

“Kind of...a bit sad you know? She was a nice just to hang out with. Mostly just keep thinking about what you said though. Management really doesn't care about it's people does it? Just keeping up appearances and making money.” Harry sighed, pulling off his beanie as he reached his floor, fumbling around with his key in the lock to get the door open.

“No, they don't sadly.” Louis replied, rolling his eyes at his security detail giving him the sign to wrap up the phone call. “Right, I’m being told to get off the phone. Apparently her highness needs my fashion expertise or something. I have to be out for another hour or two with her but I'll bring dinner tonight okay? You can cry it out on my shoulder.” Harry laughed at the offer but shook his head despite Louis not being able to see him.

“Nah, I'll make it. It'll keep my mind off other things. Come hungry.”

“Gonna be one of those nights then is it?”

“Yea. We'll be eating left overs until we fly off again.”

“Alright baby, the peacock is going start shrieking in a minute. I'll see you soon.”

“The fancy ones are the boys you know Lou...”

“Shut it Styles.” Louis hung up with a laugh that faded once he was sure the call was ended. He studied the warm phone in his hand with a sigh and made his way over to Eleanor who was now on to navy cardigans. He watched her pick through them as he leant against another rack.

“Don't you get sick of shopping in these shops? Having to completely change who you are to fit a personality you were assigned?” he asked after a few moments. Eleanor looked up with brown eyes wide, hand paused on the shoulder of the cardigan she had been about to pull out. She considered his question thoughtfully, stroking the soft material between her forefinger and thumb.

“Sometimes.” she decided, leaving the sweater where it was and hugging the blouses she had already chosen to her chest. “I don't get paid and flown around the world to be a party girl though. Simple and conservative Eleanor does and I'm alright with that. I can go back to partying whenever we break up.” she concluded and took his hand to lead him towards the cash. Louis didn't put in much of an effort to hold her hand, letting his fingers hang loosely as she curled her's around his.

“I'm just tired of the whole charade.” he sighed and watched her bank account shrink by a few hundred pounds. His fame lined everyone's pockets. What was an afternoon shopping trip to the girlfriend of a superstar?

 

Louis came home to an apartment that smelt like a cooking show and floors that were so clean he could see his reflection in them. He often wondered how his boyfriend was able to cook and clean at the same time, something he considered again as he kicked his trainers into the hall closet. It took him an entire day to do a load of laundry and boil a pot of pasta. He didn't think he'd ever understand how Harry could just plough through it all. Shoes off and coat tossed in on top of them, he headed towards the kitchen, lips tugging upwards at the sight of Harry in a headband to keep his curls from his face and a finger between his lips as he took a taste of whatever was in the mixing bowl on the counter. 

“So what's on the menu?” Louis called, biting back a laugh at the surprised expression Harry looked up with, finger still between his lips.

“Just whipping up some batter for cookies. Double or triple chocolate chips, what do you think?” he answered slowly, managing to look sheepish despite sticking his finger into the bowl for another taste.

“Go for the triple.” Louis decided and slid up onto a kitchen stool to watch the preparations. Harry nodded and loaded up the mixture then brought the bowl over for his boyfriend to help him portion them out. The pair worked in companionable quiet, Harry singing softly under his breath while he rolled balls of dough between his palms. The baking tray filled up quickly with Harry's perfect spheres and Louis hurriedly slapped down blobs. The younger boy just shook his head at his boyfriend's handiwork and put the tray into the preheated top oven, peaking in the bottom oven for their main course. With everything cooking, he slipped off his headband and shook his hair out as he dragged a stool close to Louis' and cuddled up against his boyfriend's side with a sigh. Louis automatically wrapped his arm tightly around the other's shoulders and pressed a kiss to his temple.

“Keylee called it off then. Is she even allowed to do that?” he asked, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles against the dip in Harry's collarbone.

“I have no idea. Not going to tell management for a few days though, let her get lost in the wind or whatnot. She doesn't even want to stay friends. She just wants to get out of the entire situation. Getting dumped sucks.” Harry replied, nuzzling in against Louis' neck, letting his eyes slip shut as he breathed in the scent that was simply his boyfriend.

“Can't say I blame her. How nice would it be just to step away from it all? To just leave it and never get hounded by another autograph seeker or gossipy journalist....to just be ourselves and never be questioned about it by the entire world.” Louis mused, getting lost in his thoughts and the way the other's hair tickled his cheek.

“I was thinking that as I walked back from the coffee shop just before I was spotted by some fans. Most were sweet, they usually are but then there's those rude few who are probably journalists or something and they ask things that I wouldn't even ask my sister. After I escaped into a cab I started thinking...what would they ask if they did find out about us? What would be said then?” Harry began to ramble, shifting away to plant his elbows on the island counter top and bury his face into his hands. Louis frowned sadly, rubbing his hand up and down the expanse of the other's back.

“I'm sorry baby...” he murmured, getting interrupted before he could add anything else.

“”You're right you know. I hate that you are because it's something I've never considered in my life but I know you're right. There's only one way out of this. There would be a million articles with a million different angles or speculation but we wouldn't hear it. We wouldn't experience it. It'd be over, it'd be done, we'd just be together.” Harry whimpered and pushed his hands through his hair, giving strands a sharp tug. Louis sighed and pulled his boyfriend into his arms for a hug that he refused to loosen.

“I know Haz....believe me, I know.”


	12. Chapter 12

The remains of their meal scattered over the coffee table with their feet inches from dirty plates, Harry and Louis shared a platter of cookies between them; Louis devouring them down, licking the warm, melted chocolate from his fingers while Harry picked at a single one, most of it ending up in crumbs on his sweater as he started sightlessly towards the far wall. His mind was a jumble of thoughts and his conscious screaming at him for what he was considering.

“So we're going to off ourselves then? We could just pretend to you know...I think that's what Tupac and Elvis did.” he mused, unable to verbalize 'suicide' or 'kill ourselves'. He just couldn't get his mind around those words yet. They sat like lead in the bottom of his stomach. He put the cookie he was destroying back on the plate. It tasted like ash in his mouth and swallowing any of it seemed about as appealing. Louis shook his head, taking a big chomp out of his own treat, leaving him with chocolate stains on either side of his lips. His appetite was entirely unaffected. 

“Nope. I'm done. I want out. No permanent vacations for me, the temptation to go back to living this kind of life or any other would be too great. I don't want to be a dead beat pop star either, trying to crawl back to my celebrity status ten years after I left the business due to too much fame like those idiots on Celebrity Big Brother or that addiction show. No. I want it over and done with and no chances to make a fool of myself.” he replied, tipping his head to rest against the back of the couch, a dreamy smile on his face.

“What about the other things that life has to offer?” Harry finally managed to snap out of his daze and shifted to swing his legs over Louis' lap, moving the plate of cookies out of the way at the same time. 

“Like what? Name one thing that the media is going to let us have to ourselves for the rest of our lives? Especially if we were to come out, to live as a couple. We'd be on display like zoo animals for the rest of our days. I don't want to get married like that, or raise kids in that kind of environment. I don't even want to do my groceries like that.” Louis huffed, dainty hands immediately moving to slim thighs, fingers sliding up and down the never ending seams of Harry's jeans.

“There really is no other option is there?” Harry sighed, catching one hand with his own, lacing their fingers together before snatching up the second and doing the same, holding tight despite the twitches in Louis' tendons and muscles trying to go back to their constant fidgeting. The older boy frowned as his hands were stilled and tilted his head to look at the other.

“You just said that there was no other option thirty minutes ago.” he replied, eyebrows furrowed down so they were nearly touching. Harry frowned right back and gave one hand a too-hard squeeze.

“It's my life Louis. I'm allowed to reconsider if I want it to end or not.” he countered, refusing to let go when Louis winced and tried to draw his hand back. Instead he drew it up against his chest and held it there with its twin pressed over top. Louis huffed and stopped tugging, shifting his position so he was pressed chest to chest with Harry instead, his chin resting atop their hands.

“And my life is mine. And I won't be seeing any of the world tour.” he murmured, closing his eyes when Harry's breath hitched beneath his cheek and the hold on his hands tightened again.

“So soon?” Harry asked in his softest voice, barely audible except that Louis' ear was so close to his lips. The other nodded, edging up to rest his head against his boyfriend's shoulder when his hands were suddenly freed, long arms wrapping tightly around his back. He sighed contently and settled into the hold, his own arms sliding up and around Harry's neck. No need to talk about it, to say it out loud, now that it was out there. Green eyes damp, Harry hugged his boyfriend tighter, sniffling into the soft nest of honey brown strands as he struggled to find words to reply with. He found them after a few moments, voice hoarse as if he'd been screaming for hours. The tightness in his chest certainly felt like he had.

“I can't live without you. So I won't.”

 

Furious with Keylee's sudden departure, management pushed Elounor into overdrive, having Louis seen with his beard in every possible event and situation they could come up with. They were surprised by the lack of complaint by the pop star, who went along with everything willingly. He happily smiled for cameras and didn't disappear with his phone every thirty minutes. Assuming that they finally broke him, Modest! patted themselves on the back and suggested even bigger things. When Louis agreed to letting himself be photographed going into a hotel with Eleanor and coming out several hours later, even his faux girlfriend was looking at him surprised. This was the kind of meeting he usually stormed out of. Harry however, did not like it. Not one bit. He sat in the middle of the flat, eyes ringed dark from lack of sleep and watched Louis flit around preparing for his day. He'd gotten out of bed without an alarm and had been buzzing ever since. In fact, he'd been buzzing since Harry had agreed to his decision. They both wanted to play the stage a few more times before committing and they'd have their opportunity in the coming weeks. Then it would all be done and over with. Louis' eyes shone every time he thought of it.

“We've made a serious, life ending decision here Louis. Why are you so happy again all of a sudden?” Harry frowned as Louis bounced by him again, can of red bull in hand. Really, as if he needed it. Harry was certain that he was going to need a can or two himself if he was to make it through the day. Management kept phoning him at all hours to harass him about Keylee. He told them what he could; that he hadn't spoken to her since their coffee date, that suddenly none of her contact numbers worked and that she wasn't at her flat any more.

“Because the end is near. It's in sight. It's going to be just me and you for the rest of forever and that,” Louis replied, finally coming to a stop behind Harry, wrapping his arms around him and pressing a kiss to the back of his neck “makes me happy.” he concluded, nuzzling in with a chuckle. Harry gave one of the hands against his collar a squeeze as he screwed his eyes shut. Their plans made him anything but happy. 

“Even a day spent with Eleanor while the rest of us are at vocal practice?” he asked softly, trying to by-pass the topic. 

“Mmhmm. Even a day that I'm pretending to spend in bed with that beard of mine with nothing but a deck of cards, my DS and whatever else she can managed to smuggle in to keep us entertained for five hours. Not many of these days left. I can put up with a few more.” Louis pressed a wet kiss against a mound of curls and untangled himself to pull a hoodie over his head. Harry watched him, shaking his head absently to himself, fingers curled against his lips. 

“I'd forgotten how beautiful you are when you're full of energy.” He murmured, smiling sadly when Louis peeked out of the head hole with wide eyes.

“What brings that on?” he asked, incredulously, pulling it the full way on. It was obviously not his own, the sleeves hanging well passed his fingertips.

“Just you. Be good today. Don't make Eleanor cry just to relieve your boredom, alright?” Harry sighed and stood up, brushing out the wrinkles from his track pants as he headed towards the bathroom. Louis followed, palm coasting up the middle of the other's back.

“I'll miss you. See only you soon enough though.” he murmured, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's cheek as he opened up the door to the brightly lit room. “And see you for dinner otherwise. Love you.” a quick kiss to the lips and he was gone again, slamming his feet into boots and out the door with his belongings for the day shoved into pockets. Harry watched him go over his shoulder then disappeared behind a door himself for the hottest shower he'd ever taken in his life. Anything to get rid of the chill that ran through him at Louis' manic excitement towards death.


	13. Chapter 13

Of course it had been leaked where Louis and Eleanor were shopping. Of course the media had been told and were out in droves. Of course it was mentioned on twitter by an update account and any fan who could get to the major shopping district of downtown London was there. Of course they had all camped outside of the exact hotel the pair was heading in to, shopping bags slung over their shoulders and hands awkwardly grasped between them. 

“You think someone famous is staying here?” Louis quipped, holding up their hands to flip the screaming fans a little wave as they walked between the enormous glass doors of the hotel they were confined to for the rest of the afternoon. Eleanor snorted a laugh, glancing over her shoulder towards the crowd, flashing them a smile and a little wink, bumping her shoulder to make sure that the Victoria's Secret bag was the most visible of her collection.

“Probably. Nice that they say hello to everyone coming in the door though.” she replied, unlacing their fingers the moment they were around the corner into the lobby and out of sight of all the cameras.

“Very friendly.” Louis agreed with a nod and dropped one of his bags to the floor, rubbing at his shoulder with his free hand. “Great god, what did you buy this time?” he asked, giving the offending heavy weight bag a slight boot.

“A laptop. They have wifi here. We'll just have to stay off our accounts.” her smile every bit as mischievous as her fake boyfriend often wore. His was spreading across his face in fact at just that moment.

“You know, if I was straight I might just adore you.” he confessed, hand to his heart. Eleanor shook her head and accepted the room key from the team member who'd accompanied them on their deceptive adventure.

“Probably. You'd still have fallen for Harry though, sexuality be damned.” she winked then sighed in frustration when their babysitter cleared her throat and looked over her glasses at them.

“Could you perhaps not discuss the creditability of your relationship where people could over hear?” she sneered and the twenty year olds shrugged at her. 

“Let's go to our room and get this over with.” Louis flicked his fringe out of his eyes and picked up the heavy laptop bag again, marching away down the hall towards the elevators humming Darth Vader's theme.

 

Standing at the large window of the hotel room, Louis looked down at the crowd below him, arms crossed over his chest, eyebrows furrowed thoughtfully. 

“Do management really think that people will recognize us from here? How long am I supposed to stand here?” he asked, the glass in front of him fogging up with the heat from his breath. Eleanor shrugged, sprawled over the bed with the tv remote in her hand, flicking through channels for a hetero porn they could crank the volume on so it sounded like a couple were enjoying themselves inside. 

“As long as it takes me to change into something sexy I think. Must be a pretty extensive get up.” she replied, finding what she needed and tilted her head curiously. “What is it about porn that the only attractive thing about the men is the size of their cocks?” 

“Because producers think only straight men watch het porn. Try watching gay stuff. The men are much better looking.” Louis answered and moved away from the window, tugging the curtains half shut then flung an extra tshirt towards it. It hit the glass then flopped down to the floor, a dozen or more paparazzi cameras snapping shots to sell to the world. “I wonder how the Larry girls are going to explain away this shit.” he muttered and plopped down on the bed at her feet. “Game of speed?”

“Easy. Why the hell are we in a hotel when you live in London and why, as usual, are their a million different HD pap shots. I rather see what the Elounor fans have to say about us staying in a hotel.” Eleanor nodded and reached for her purse, pulling out the deck of cards to shuffle through them then deal them out into the pattern of the game.

“You sure you're not a closet Larry shipper?” he teased as he picked up his cards, curling his nose up at the randomness of them. He would never win with this hand.

“Nothing closeted about me darling. You're my OTP. I can't wait to tweet that one day.” she winked, smirking over her own hand. All she needed was a king or an 8 put down and she'd breeze through it. Flipping their starter cards, both fell silent apart from the occasional curse or cheer as they whipped through their game at a pace that befit its name. 

 

After several rounds of getting beaten quite soundly, Louis sighed and dropped the last of his cards on top of the pile that Eleanor had just won with.

“This game is rigged.” he muttered, glad he hadn't bet on the game this time. He'd learnt that lesson early on, Eleanor was born with horse shoes up her ass when it came to card games and gambling.

“You're just not fast enough.” she replied, gathering the cards and tidying them to slip back into their box. “What do you want to do now? We still have hours yet before we can leave.” Louis didn't reply. He stared thoughtfully at her, finger tapping against his lip as he considered sharing his plans. He didn't want her to try talking him out of it; if Harry couldn't do it then Eleanor certainly wouldn't be able to. Neither did he want her to go running to management about it. How far could he trust his beard, his friend, with such a serious topic. Eleanor fussed with her clothing under his gaze, biting at her lip as his blue eyes narrowed and expression became more intense.

“Louis? What are you thinking about?” she asked softly, not wanting to startle him out of his thoughts and get snarled at for disrupting a daydream. It had happened before. Several times before in fact. He stayed quiet despite her question, still inwardly debating with himself before he suddenly sat up straight, hands in his lap.

“Can you keep a secret?” he asked, Eleanor rolling her eyes at the question and threw her hands apart, dramatically gesturing around the room.

“Can I keep a sec--Louis!What the hell do you think this all is??” she replied exasperated. Honestly, it was the last thing she thought he'd ask.

“This is a for-pay charade. I need to know whether you can keep a secret you're not paid to keep.” Louis clarified, not playing into her antics which made her take notice and loose her incredulity at his question. She unconsciously mimicked his position, hands resting on her knees and nodded, eyebrows drawn down and lips pursed.

“I can keep a secret, yes. What's your secret?” she answered. Louis let out a breath, not sure whether he was relieved or disappointed. He rubbed his hands over his cheeks as he spoke.

“You know about Harry's tumblr right?” he asked, fingers pushing up into his hair and making his hair stand up in funny little clumps. Eleanor nodded, glancing down at the box with the lap top at the side of the bed.

“The one that he had to delete? I know about it yes. I gave him some of my pictures in case he ever wanted to start it up again.” she replied, biting at her lip and wondering where this conversation was going.

“He did. Start one up again I mean. I need your help with it though.” Louis explained, grabbing up the laptop box and dismantling it, pushing cords into ports and starting it up so he could show her the account.

“My help? What could I do with Harry's tumblr? Does he need followers?” confused, she typed in her password for the first time when the machine was offered to her and quickly accessed the wifi connection, skipping over the other set up programs in order to do it.

“No. He needs you. Well, I need you really. In case anything happens to us. I need you to run the account, to make sure everyone who sees it knows it's all real.” he replied, hands back in his lap once she was in control of the computer. Her fingers flew over the keyboard as she downloaded her preferred internet platform and went to the tumblr website via it.

“Louis....is something going to happen to you?” she asked cautiously as she handed the computer over again, the blue eyed boy typing in the email and password that would get him into Harry's account. He smiled softly at the dash full of photos of the pair of them. Harry was following mostly Larry friendly accounts and one or two daily kitten accounts too. His boyfriend was far too predictable sometimes. He got too caught up in the photos, not answering Eleanor's question until she prodded him in the side insistently, worry in her dark eyes. 

“Louis....please tell me? What's going to happen?” she asked pleadingly, her prods becoming a gentle hand on his arm. Louis looked up from the screen for a moment then back down at the images against the soft blue background. He found he couldn't look her in the eye.

“A lot of things will happen over the next little while but we won't be here for it. I need you to run the account.” he explained, reblogging a particularly cute photo of himself with filters that made his eyes look unearthly blue and the highlights in his fringe look golden. Harry wouldn't even notice and if he did? Well he knew Louis knew about the account and his passwords were always the same. Eleanor wasn't watching the screen though, she was watching him with wide eyes.

“No....Louis no. You're going to leave the band? The both of you?” she asked, tilting her head as if she didn't want to hear it but couldn't take her eyes off him. Louis swallowed the lump in his throat and looked up at her, meeting her eyes again as he replied.

“We're leaving more than just the band.” he murmured, holding her stare for a few moments then dropping them back to the computer, typing out tags on a tattoo analysis post just to have something to do with his hands. Eleanor sat in silence, stunned, feeling her stomach drop away to the basement of the hotel. She tried several times to say something, words getting caught half way out, leaving her to make monosyllabic sounds until she regained control of herself and yanked the computer away from him, tossing it to the other side of the bed where it bounced off the mattress and hit the floor.

“Why? Why would you do that to yourselves? Why would you ask for an accomplice? Why me?” she demanded, furious, hurt and a touch of honoured that made her feel completely ashamed on top of everything else. Louis blinked at the empty spot where the laptop had just been before turning his head to look at her, taking one of her hands gently in his, tracing a fingertip over her freckles as he spoke.

“You're the only one who understands this situation. The charade we have to put on.” he began, letting go when she tugged her hand back. She held it to her chest as if she was burnt as he continued. “You're right, you've always been right. This is a disaster of a love triangle. You get it. There's you, Harry and myself and even if only two of us are in an actual relationship you're still affected by everything that happens. If it's broken, if this triangle is ruined, then you're free to live your life. You don't have to waste your life pretending to date me. You can actually go out and meet someone who deserves you. Get a proper boyfriend.” he explained, playing with his own fingers instead, staring at them as he rubbed over the small nicks and scars he acquired growing up as an active dare devil of a boy. He was brought back to the conversation by a loud crack and a stinging cheek, Eleanor on her feet in front of him, angrily jabbing a finger into his chest.

“Do not make this about me Louis. I have a contract that ends in two months. I'll not sign it if that's what you want but don't make this about me. You and Harry want to be selfish that's your business but don't make it my fault.” she snarled, dropping her hands to curl in fists at her sides, holding on to the ends of her shirt tightly so she didn't slap him again. Louis did something then that she completely didn't expect. She expected at him to yell back at her, to bounce up and get in her face like he typically would with someone who was angry at him. She expected a reaction like at the restaurant when he was snappy and sullen with everyone. Instead, he collapsed in on himself, face buried in his hands but not before she saw tears slip down his cheek and heard his voice shake as he replied.

“I don't want it to be about you. I want it to be about me and Harry. Only me and Harry because that's all it should be.” he mumbled between sniffles, scrubbing the heel of his palms over the tears tracking down his cheeks. “I'm not asking you to shoot me here Eleanor, I'm asking you to run a fucking blog.” he added, looking up with eyes gaining back some of their fire. Eleanor shook her head and sat down on the floor, right on top of the shirt Louis had flung at the window earlier. She didn't answer, just kept shaking her head as tears slipped down her own cheeks, making tracks through her make up. Louis watched her, bottom lip between his teeth to try and keep himself from getting more upset. He hated crying in front of people. When she didn't reply for another several minutes, he slid down on to the floor with her.

“Forget it. Forget I said anything. Just keep your mouth shut okay? I'll figure out something else.” he instructed, patting her knee, hoping it was a soothing gesture. The touch snapped her out of her teary trance and she launched her self at him, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly, her face buried in between them. Louis rocked back against the bed with wide eyes, unsure of the reaction or what to do with her. They'd never hugged unless instructed. They rarely even touched whatsoever without direct instruction, only playful smacks and shoves on occasion. His ginger pats on the back on the back became a full on return of her hug when he realized the words she was murmuring over and over against his throat.

“....I'll do it. I'll do it for you Louis. You and Harry.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for this taking nearly three months to update. I just couldn't figure out this chapter. I rewrote it THREE times all with different situations but I wound up using the first version in the end. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~

“Right boys. The time has come and that time is next Friday. I'm coming out.” Harry confessed, voice hushed and shifted his legs so his position straddling the toilet was more comfortable. It wasn't easy to fit five grown men into one tiny bathroom stall. However, it was the only place they found that they could all be alone together backstage. They'd even locked the main bathroom door so no one could get close enough to eavesdrop then hidden themselves away in case there was cameras taping them.

“Friday. A week and a half away. Okay. We’ll be alright. We'll be okay.” Liam rubbed at his throat as if trying to force down a mouthful of bile, his other hand pressing tight to his stomach. He stood back pressed against to the door of the stall, Louis and Zayn leaning against the walls on either side of the toilet, the dark eyed boy shifting every few seconds to try and find a position that wouldn't have the toilet paper dispenser pushing uncomfortably against his thighs. Harry bit his lip and rested a hand on the Liam's elbow.

“You sure you're okay with this Li? I don't have to....” he offered, eyes wide and the corner of his lip pressed between his teeth. Liam shook his head no with a small supportive smile on his lips.

“Yes you do. You can't hide away forever and I won't be the one to stand in your way. I'm just nervous is all. Big night tonight. Big news next week.” he replied, voice wavering but he shook it off, giving his friend's shoulder a tight squeeze. “We may have to steal the name Big Time Rush.”

“Ha, I doubt that.” Harry snorted, his worried expression melting into a relieved one. So did Louis', his frown disappearing beneath a more thoughtful look.

“How you going to do it then?” Niall asked, sitting behind Harry on the toilet tank, feet dangling towards the floor. Harry tipped his head back to look at him upside down while he answered.

“I'm going to have to tweet it or throw it up on my pinterest. Any rags I've talked to have asked a few too many questions about why my PR team wasn't doing it. Too bad for them. I'll just say it, change my password and to hell with management. I'll be in trouble this time but that was the plan. Get them off Louis' case on to me.” he explained, righting his head to turn his smile on his boyfriend

“They're still going to think I have something to do with it.” Louis replied, gently stroking curls and wrapping them around his fingers. 

“Ya, but you won't. It's going to work out.” Harry pressed into his hand before taking it from his hair, lacing their fingers together and giving a squeeze. He looked to the rest of the band with wide, hopeful eyes. “You all still okay with this? It's going to affect all of us, good or bad. The media is going to question all your sexuality after this.”

“We're with you Harry. 100%. We can handle the media. It's all we've done for the past two and a half years.” Zayn replied, putting his hand over the boyfriends' clasped pair. Harry pulled his hand away from the other two and wrapped his arms around Zayn's waist, hugging him tight, his face buried into his tummy.

“You guys are the greatest people I've ever met. Don't let anyone tell you different.” he murmured, nuzzling into his friend's skinny frame while Liam unlocked the door to let them pour out. 

“Come on guys. Mic check.” he instructed as they all untangled themselves and headed out to give their appearances once overs in the mirrors then went back out into the bedlam that was backstage at a One Direction concert. Harry and Louis hung back, the older boy's head resting against his boyfriend's shoulder as they watched the other's primp.

“You're getting awfully good at lying lately. I'm a little scared to be honest.” he murmured softly, eyes closing when Harry's thumb stroked over his cheek.

“Gotta tell them something. At least now they'll be able to mentally prepare themselves for a fall out that might ruin their careers.” Harry replied, taking a deep breath as he watched the door swing open and shut after Niall had barrelled out of it at top speed. Louis hummed in agreement and turned his head to press a kiss against Harry's collarbone then moved away to head out the door as well.

“Come on Haz. Let's go put on a show like it's the last one we'll ever do.”

 

The show had went well. It had been amazing in fact, the audience eating up everything the boys gave them. They'd barely had to sing the lyrics to their own songs. The second a chord was played by the band behind them the fans started screaming the words along with them; even when it was a cover of a song older than most of the people who'd come to watch them. It was the type of performance that left a person buzzing with energy, adrenaline coursing through their veins like a freight train. That was why, at three in the morning, all the boys were still wide awake standing in a 24 hour Wal-Mart looking for snacks and entertainment. The store was mostly deserted apart from the skeleton crew of staff, stoners after munchies and the poor souls who worked schedules awkward enough that only the middle of the night was an appropriate time for getting groceries. It was a group that wouldn't notice the people around them if they were in circus costumes so the members of One Direction were free to wander about without any subtle disguises apart from pyjama pants and Niall's backwards snap back. They fit in very well with the others who were perusing the chip aisle. America had so many options in the way of thin, salty slices of potato. It was hard to choose. 

“What do you suppose roasted chicken crisps taste like?” Louis mused absently, studying the collection of bags at his eye level. Zayn shrugged, turning over the page of the comic anthology he'd found in the magazine aisle. 

“Probably a bit like a roasted chicken I'd assume.” he replied, flipping the page and lifting eyebrows at the scantily clad, oddly positioned but very much male character on the coloured chapter page. Some one had caught wind of the Hawk Eye Project.

“Yes, but will it be good?” Louis sighed and walked off a few steps after deciding that he rather have the actual roast chicken than crisps artificially flavoured to taste like it. Better to find something either more tried and true or completely foreign. Like the offering of Spicy Ranch. He grabbed that bag and popped it open, pulling out one to taste. Not bad. “What about this then?” he called to Zayn, offering him the bag. The dark eyed boy looked up and snorted a laugh at the open bag.

“Try before you buy then?” he teased, reaching in to grab a few for a taste then humming in appreciation. They were actually quite good for something Louis had picked out.

“Might as well. Got enough to cover it even if we don't like it. And Niall will eat any kind of crisp so it's not a real waste.” Louis replied and dipped his hand in again, licking the flavouring from his fingers as he headed down the aisle towards the offerings of pop; the selection rivalled that of the chips. 

“Doesn't seem like he's going to get any of it thought.” Zayn followed, finger between the pages of the now closed comic to mark his page. Louis gave a shrug as he hefted a two litre bottle of root beer into his arms. They were all supposed to be going easy on the sugary drinks of late, their teeth had just been bleached again and were subsequently open to discolouration from dark beverages. There was no way Louis was passing up a bottle of the best sarsaparilla he'd ever tasted for an order from management however. His partner in crime appeared to agree as he hoisted up his own bottle of cherry coke.

“While we're on the subject of his royal lily white, unmarked highness....we should get matching tattoos. What do you think?” Louis suggested with a smirk that became a grin at the confused expression on the other's face. The arched eyebrow all but screamed 'where the hell did that come from?!' without Zayn even having to open his mouth.

“Just us or...?” was what he did manage to say, head tilted to the side in a curious gesture that he'd picked up from spending so much of his time with a human version of a golden retriever puppy. The confused little whine could almost be heard behind the tinny sound of the shop's top 80 of the 80s soundtrack.

“All of us. To show our support for Haz. He's going to need it right? We'll show the world we're behind him 100%.” Louis explained, bottle of pop hugged to his chest. Zayn's confused expression faded into a wicked grin, causing Louis to blink and gain the perplexed look this time. The other boy didn't leave him hanging for long though.

“He's ready to tell the world he's bi and you want us to all show that we're behind him?” Zayn smirked then full out laughed at the startled look that flashed over Louis' face. “How did you not catch that?” 

“Because apparently you have a dirtier mind than me.” he managed to reply, shaking his head with a smile. How had he missed such a filthy comment. And he'd made it without meaning to! That was usually Liam's department. 

“I've been hanging around with you too long is what it is. You've completely and utterly ruined me.” Zayn teased as they headed out of the snack department towards the electronics where the other three had set their sights on improving their DVD collections. 

“You made it so very easy though. Now what do you think of my idea? Ink for my boy? I'll be the only one behind him though thanks. You three can sort yourselves out.” Louis sniffed, glancing down aisles for band-mates and boyfriends. Zayn kept a look out as well but he fully expected to hear the others before they seen them.

“Ya, I like it. Harry probably will too and Liam will go for it after a little prodding. Don't expect Niall to give up his purity so easily though.” he agreed, glancing down at his arms wondering if he had any blank space that would match up with the other's. His left arm was rather bare, as was Louis' but that's where Harry wore his collection and Liam had ink on both forearms now. Maybe their arms wouldn't be the place for them. “Do any of us have matching blank space that we can show off? I'm assuming these will be visible tattoos. No point in showing our solidarity if it's all hidden away.”

“Niall'll come round. I have my ways.” Louis blinked then looked down at the skin he had exposed. Zayn made a very valid point. “Didn't think of that. We'll have to all sit down and compare spots.” he mused, head popping up again at the sound of excited British accents coming towards them.

“Speak of the devil, there he is now. With the other devils with him. Pretty satanic place they have here.” Zayn grinned at his in-coming friends, all three of them loaded with media cases. Just how well stocked was this Wal-Mart? He and Louis trotted up to them to meet them, the older boy's arm sliding in around his boyfriend's waist.

“Always firmly believed Wal-Mart was actually hell. Have you ever been in one of these places in daylight? Horrifying.” Louis laughed, leaning up on his toes to press a kiss to Harry's cheek. “Hey baby, find anything good?” he asked, rolling his eyes at the look of horror that passed over Liam's face at the very public display of affection. “Give over Li, it's 3am. No one in here has any idea of who we are.” he sighed and tilted his head to look through the collection Harry had acquired, not an action flick or horror story among them. 

“Security's still around. If they see you doing that they'll be to Paul before you can list your own full name and you'll be in all sorts of shit again.” Liam replied, still frowning. Louis sighed and dropped his hand from Harry's waist. 

“Whatever. Let's go then.” he huffed and headed off, back towards the front, passing the stationary with their own faces emblazoned all over posters and key rings. Louis smirked, flicking a poster of himself on a violently orange background. “I dare one of you to buy a magazine with our faces on the cover. I bet the cashier won't even notice.” he looked around to his band-mates with that mischievous light in his eyes.

“And if she does?” Niall asked, ducking into the aisle and coming back with a poster booklet that boasted door sized pull outs.

“Then sign it and give it to back to her.” Louis replied, always ready with an answer to his dares and the questions that were bound to come up when he suggested them. Niall nodded to himself, looking thoughtfully through the pages with a critical eye.

“Got my middle name wrong again. Greg is my brother.” he shook his head then opened up the top fold of the poster with Zayn on one side and himself on the other, giving a wolf whistle. The other boys laughed and tried to get him to fold it back up as they walked to the cashes, their snacks and entertainment trapped against their chests. As they lined up, Louis made a sharp noise and grabbed Harry's hand, giving him a tug out of the queue (which was made up of only the five of them anyway).

“Forgot the condoms. You guys can meet us back on the bus.” and with that he hurriedly dragged his confused boyfriend towards the pharmacy area and all their things on the conveyer belt. Their friends would pay for their items for them even if Zayn did yell after them who they expected to buy their shit.

“Since when did we start using condoms again?” Harry asked as he got pulled along, trying not to trip over his own feet in the hurried process.

“Doesn't matter as it's not actually what I'm after. America has far better medications than home does so we might as well stock up on our needs.” Louis answered and stopped in the aisle with the painkiller displays, studying them for the brands he'd read up about on the internet. 

“Oh...” Harry murmured and looked at them with him, not sure what he was looking for. “You think pills is the best way about this? It would probably be more affective to just jump off a bridge.”

“Too messy, same as a gun and I have absolutely no idea where to get one of those. A cocaine overdose would be easiest from what I've read but I don't want to ruin the reputation of the band or ourselves or have it thought of as accidental. Pills are the best for us.” Louis replied as he picked up several bottles of the pills with the highest level of potentially toxic medication available without a prescription. 

“Good point. I don't fancy pictures of my head split like a melon all over the tabloids.” Harry nodded and picked up one extra bottle, reading the warning on the back. The bottle contained enough medicine to cause serious harm. Call this number in case of overdose. The same warnings as every other bottle he'd read. “These and the sleeping pills you've collected then?” he asked. 

“And a bottle of wine to wash it all down.” Louis replied and looked up at Harry for his approval. Harry nodded, he was resigned to the idea now even if on occasion his head started thinking instead of his heart and it was screaming at him to reconsider. He had a tendency of just looking over at his lover when that screaming started and his heart won the argument hands down. If there was no Louis then he didn't want there to be a Harry. Since the day they'd met they'd been a package deal, HarryandLouis, to their X-Factor house mates, Lou and Haz to those they spent their time with. They were a matched pair and would stay that way, hopefully, forever with this plan. No one would ever be able to think about either of them without the other and what they meant to each other. It was sad that this was the point it had to come to but he hoped that their deaths would mark a change in the way sexuality was viewed in the entertainment industry. That two boys finding love together was just as special, just as swoon worthy as a boy and a girl. He hoped that somehow this would help the world accept that every love was different and important and by trapping it in, things would eventually be blown apart. More than anything though, he hoped that there would be no copy cats. That two deaths would be enough and there would be more positive outcomes than negative.

“Rose wine. Red and white are just too strong for me.” he answered as they headed off to the cash again, grabbing a box of condoms on the way just in case one of the other's asked for a spare.

“Pansy.” Louis rolled his eyes but hooked his arm through Harry's. “Now, what do you think of another set of matching tattoos?”


	15. Chapter 15

Zayn had been right. Niall had flat out refused to get a tattoo with the rest of them. Not because he didn't support Harry and his decision to come out but because he just hated the idea of a needle pricking him thousands of times for no reason other than to mark him forever. No, he was not ready for that step in life, not at all. The idea made him a little green around the eyes in fact but he was eager to go with them, happy to watch his friends in moderate amounts of pain to celebrate their camaraderie. He even offered to foot the bill, declaring it his way of showing his support and the other's let him pay, knowing they'd never hear the end of it if they didn't and that he'd find a way to sneak in his money before theirs. So Niall stood with his credit card out and the rest with their arms out, all wincing as the tattoo gun vibrated over the skin stretched along their right wrist bones. How they all managed to keep that spot blank until now was a mystery, especially with Louis' constantly growing collection and Zayn's near complete sleeve but they did and were pleased that the spot was also on the arm Harry had his 'Things I Can' tattoo on.

“It's not all that bad you know Nialler. Just like scribbling with a pen over a sunburn.” Louis assured the blonde despite biting down on his lower lip to keep a whimper back as the infinity symbol was inked into his skin. They had decided on the image all together, liking the meaning of it as well as the simplicity and while the other three were all getting it done in traditional black ink, Louis had went for bright orange. It was his Hazza's favourite colour after all.

“Nope, I'm fine without the experience. I'll stick with this one.” Niall shook his head with a grin, patting the jutting bone of his wrist where he had gotten a tattoo transfer like everyone else and let Harry trace over it a few times with a black marker. He'd wound up with a few other drawn on tattoos as well; a star in the middle knuckle of his middle finger and Zayn's cartoonish guitar on the inside of his forearm. He refused to give in to the permanent version though. 

“You were very brave to sit through that.” Louis deadpanned and couldn't keep back the hiss this time, eyes squeezing shut tight as the needle hit bone.

“Told you this would be a painful spot.” the artist hummed, lifting a salt and pepper eyebrow. Louis shrugged the arm that wasn't being worked on and cracked open an eye.

“Worth it for a friend.” he replied and turned his head to look over at Harry who was two chairs over watching Liam get his done, the older boy clinging tightly to Zayn's hand and biting down hard on his lip. He had been an easy sell when Louis and Zayn had proposed the idea of matching tattoos. He wanted to be behind his friend as much as could possibly be, still feeling a bit of guilt over the situation management had put him and Zayn in. That was starting to die down at least, Modest! beginning to look for a new girlfriend for one of them. They'd be able to pull a girl themselves no problem but after the Keylee incident management wanted to take no chances. Niall grinned at the comment and hopped over to where the other three were, leaving Louis alone for the final few minutes of his tattooing process. He sat quietly and watched, feeling a touch of guilt that the hard work the artist was putting in would never get a chance to heal. At least he hoped it didn't. He couldn't wait to get into those pills and be done with it. The thought of it all being over put a small smile on his face, made him feel relaxed despite the sting of the needle. He'd be free of everything soon enough and that gave him such a wonderful sense of peace. Free with his Harry and nothing else. He sighed contently as the tattooist pulled away the gun and wiped over the new ink for the last time, the orange standing out boldly against Louis' golden skin.

“That's quite the colour you picked. Suits you better than I thought it would though.” the artist mused as he smoothed a bit of cream over the spot then covered it up with a bandage and a bit of plastic wrap. 

“It's perfect for my boy. Thanks a lot.” Louis hopped up from his chair and slipped the man a tip before joining his band-mates, slinging his newly tattooed arm around Harry's shoulder and watched as Liam and Zayn traded places. “How's everyone feeling then?” he asked with a grin, reaching towards Liam to sneak a peek under his plastic and gauze.

“Hurt worse than I thought. Worse than the other's for sure.” Liam sniffed, his eyes a little red and the corner of his lip raw from where he'd been biting down so hard on it. Louis turned his arm over in his hand, inspecting the other two tattoos that he wore on his right arm. 

“Worse than the one on top of your wrist? Haz said his was pretty awful there.” he asked, looking from friend to lover for confirmation. Harry shrugged and Liam nodded.

“Top of the wrist did hurt, and this one too. My worst has been the rib cage one though. Nearly cried with that one.” Harry replied,hand unconsciously drifting to the small collection on his left side. He'd meant to get more there but it really was a terribly painful spot. He stuck to the inside of his bicep and around his wrist instead mostly. 

“You all are trying to convince me to get a tattoo then you stand about talking how bad they all hurt. You're not going about this the right way lads.” Niall laughed, arms draped over the back of Zayn's chair as he watched the last of them get their tattoo, the dark haired boy not even flinching or wincing. He'd gone through the tattoo-on-the-wrist process before with his left wrist. Not to mention a tattoo on his ribs and over his elbow as well.

“Just go for a meaty spot, not a bony spot. Definitely not your elbow. I wish that pain on no one.” he added, flashing a smile at his artists when he let out a loud laugh. The wiry middle aged man had both arms done shoulder to wrist except his elbows though there were a few marks on them. Clearly he'd tried but hadn't been able to tough it out.

“Still not selling it.” Niall shook his head with a smile and brushed Zayn's fluffy hair from his forehead, trying to hold it back in a quiff despite the lack of gel. Zayn could only shrug and bat at him with his free hand. Harry chuckled at his friends and cuddled a bit closer into Louis' side once he'd stopped inspecting Liam's tattoo collection.

“You guys coming 'round to ours for dinner? We're not scheduled for anything until late tomorrow afternoon so we could do a movie or two with food.” Harry suggested, giving his eyelashes a little flutter when Liam looked to be ready to decline. The look worked and Liam shook his head with a rueful smile.

“I'm supposed to be going to an appearance at Funky Buddha tonight but a night in will be nicer than a wild night out. They always offer me too many free drinks and I'm obligated not to say no.” he explained, a touch of worry hitting his eyes at Louis' mischievous look.

“I can't guarantee that we won't be filling you with free drinks as well.” he teased with a smile that showed his sharp canines. Liam always worried when that smile made an appearance.

“At least I can crawl my way home from your place.” he replied and looked to Niall and Zayn, who were closely watching the last few touches of the tattoo be completed. “You two have any plans for tonight?”   
“Food and movies with the guys I spend most of my life with? Heh, what's one more night out of hundreds right? I'm in,” Niall answered, giving the other's a cheesy grin that had even Harry rolling his eyes. His line amused Zayn however and he reached up with his now creamed and bandaged wrist to grab a fistful of bleached blonde hair and gave it a playful tug.

“I'm in. I was just going to fuck around on the computer and sleep anyway. Besides Nialler, you never know what day will be our last.” he drawled, the grin he had for Niall dropping away from his face when he saw the expressions on Louis and Harry's. Louis' smile had disappeared and Harry's had drained of colour, his stomach taking a nose dive for his toes. 

“You alright guys?” Liam asked, head tilted with his concerned puppy look tugging his eyebrows down over dark brown eyes. Louis managed to get his smile half back, his thumb rubbing circles over the small of Harry's back.

“Just nervous about tomorrow you know? By tomorrow night we might not be One Direction anymore. Well, not in the way we stand here now.” he answered, cuddling in closer against Harry's side when he felt his breath make a slight hitch. Niall untangled Zayn's hand from his hair then reached out to lay his own hand against Harry's arm.

“It won't come to that Harry, don't worry. They'll be pissed and you'll be in shit but they're not going to dump the face that makes them the most money. We'll still be One Direction and they'll be forced to scramble for a new angle for you.” he assured him. Harry thanked him with a weak smile but the giddiness of their new tattoos and a night off had worn away to quiet contemplative thoughts. With Zayn done, they made sure their bills were paid up and headed off into the dark evening to get their feed and entertainment for the night.

 

Pizza spread across the table and The Notebook playing on the tv, the boys sprawled across the huge sectional, limbs all jumbled together. Harry and Louis sat cuddled up in one corner, less watching the movie than they were watching their friends as they bantered back and forth through the movie despite all having wanted to watch it. All but Zayn at least, he'd been pushing for yet another superhero movie after already watching both Iron Man and the first of the remade Spiderman movies but had gotten out voted by four for something a little more sappy. He protested with gagging noises at the romantic scenes, getting smacked with a pillow by Niall for it which usually ended in giggles until it didn't. It ended up in a beer spilt all down the dark eyed boy's chest and over the expensive leather couch.

“Oops.” Niall blushed and looked to the owners of the couch with an apologetic smile. Harry and Louis looked up from staring at Liam pulling all the ham off the Hawaiian pizza so that Zayn could have some of it too and did perfectly synced head tilts at the mess Zayn was trying to wipe off his chest with crumbly tissues. 

“It's okay. There's been worse spilt on it.” Harry shrugged as Louis untangled himself to stand. 

“I'll get a towel. You want a shirt Z?” he asked as he collected the damp pillow on his way passed Niall, chucking it on to the counter to deal with later. With a playful smack up the side of a blonde head, Zayn answered that he would and followed Louis into his bedroom where the shirts would be and the older boy was pulling a towel out from beneath the en suite’s sink.

“Just grab anything then?” he asked, leaning his hip against the door frame as he peeled his shirt off, turning up his nose as the wet fabric smacked against his face.

“Ya, just whatever. Our clothes are pretty much just a jumble sale in there at this point.” Louis replied, handing over a small damp wash cloth for sticky spots on the skin. “I honestly don't know if half the shirts are mine or Haz'.” he added with a sigh.

“So long as you don't wear the Ramones shirt in public then only the most fanatical of fans will notice.” Zayn snorted, looking up from wiping his stomach off, frowning when items on the counter caught his eye. “What are all those for?” he asked, pointing to the two oversized bottles of sleeping pills. Louis looked at where he was pointing and swallowed nervously. 

“Hmm? Ahh. I can never sleep when we're not on tour. My days aren't busy enough.” he replied, shrugging casually while hugging the towel he'd pulled out, tightly to his chest.. Zayn gave him an incredulous look and picked up one of the bottles, giving it a shake as he read the label.

“You need that many? That could put the 5 of use to sleep for a week” he mused, flipping over to the back to read the instructions. Louis itched to snatch it back and shove it in the medicine cabinet but then his friend would likely spot the equally large bottles of painkillers and ask even more questions so he just stuck with the lie he'd begun with.

“They don't expire for two years. Might as well have them all now rather than run out for a new pack every few weeks.” he explained, gingerly reaching for the bottle to take it and put it back with the other. Zayn let it go easily, more concerned about his friend's well being now than a bottle of medication. He always found he got his best sleep off tour in his own bed with familiar smells and sheets around him.

“Sleeping that hard for you?” he asked, tipping his head and somehow managing to look very like Liam as he did. They all mimicked and mirrored each other constantly these days and it made a laugh bubble in Louis' throat as he thought about it.

“You look like Li when you do that. But to answer your question, ya it is. With everything that keeps happening, everything getting loaded on to us, it really is. I need the work out that preforming gives along with the adrenaline rush. Coming down from all that is the only thing that exhausts me enough not to stay up with my thoughts all night.” that part wasn't a lie at least. The sheer physical exhaustion of being a world famous pop star would knock out anybody. Zayn frowned in commiseration and put his hand to Louis' shoulder and pulled him into a hug.

“It'll be alright soon, Lou. The things that put the most pressure on you will be out in the open and you'll be able to sleep knowing that the world is in on your secret. That your life doesn't have to be a secret anymore.” he murmured into the other's ear, rubbing his back when Louis hugged him back with ferocious tightness.

“You have no idea how right you are.” Louis murmured back and let go of him, giving him a weak smile and walked out of the bathroom with the towel with a reminder of where to find a t-shirt. The frown made it's way back to the dark eyed boy's face as he considered the other's words. What had he meant by that? Rubbing the bridge of his nose as he shook his head, he let it pass for the time being and went to look for a sweater instead of a tee. He had a sudden chill that he didn't know if he'd be able to shake.

 

Once the movie was done and the pizza all eaten, the boys decided that they'd seen enough of each other for one day and tidied up before heading to the door for goodbyes. Casual jokes and banter were tossed around as they all hugged it out though Zayn's eyebrows drew down in concern as he stepped away from Harry's hug. Harry had never hugged him that tight or that long the entire time they'd been friends. Like he was trying to hold on to something that might not be around anymore. The awkward feeling he'd developed while standing in the bathroom with Louis sunk deeper into his belly as he watched Liam receive the same kind of hug he'd gotten, hands clenched into fists against the back of his shirt How many times did they have to assure them that his coming out wasn't going to affect their friendships even if it did affect their careers. He turned his head to mention it ever so casually to Louis when he seen that Niall was getting the same kind of fierce hug from the older boy. So tight, almost desperate, never wanting to let go. The same kind of hug he'd received in the bathroom two hours before. Zayn felt his stomach sink to the floor and he dove into Louis' arms the moment they were empty.

“Don't do anything stupid Lou...please don't do anything stupid.” he whispered softly into his partner in crime's ear, the blue eyed boy looking up with a sad smile.

“Whatever are you talking about Z?” he asked, poking his cheek playfully though his smile didn't brighten. Panic flooding him, Zayn grabbed a fistful of shirt, shaking his head.

“Don't Louis. All those pills, Harry coming out tomorrow, just please, fuck, please don't. Nothing dumb. We'll see you tomorrow right? The fall out will be okay right?” he begged for a promise, Niall and Liam both looking at him with confusion as Harry opened the door, lower lip between his teeth and eyes on the floor. Louis gave him a sympathetic smile and pressed a kiss to his cheek while prying his hand off his shirt.

“I love you Zayn. We'll see you.” he murmured and gave him a gentle shove out the door, winking to the other two boys. “It'll be okay. Rough beginnings but it'll be okay.” he waved as he closed the door, slumping against it once it was firmly shut. Zayn stood staring at the slab of metal between them and choked on a broken sob, applying his booted foot to the door with enough force to dent it. 

“No!! Don't be stupid! Don't you dare do anything stupid! I will fucking kill you if you do something stupid!!!” he yelled, pounding fists into the metal, making the door bump and shake against Louis' back. Liam put a hand to Zayn's shoulder and pulled him back, arm crossing his chest to hold him.

“Zayn, it's okay. Harry's going to come clean to the world, that's all. Louis' not going to come out on top of him. We planned it all remember? Six months for everything to come about.” he soothed, Niall alternating watching them and the door with a concerned look of his own.

“It's not the coming out I'm worried about...” Zayn replied softly, eyes never leaving the dent he'd made in the door. He reached up with both hands to hold on to Liam's forearm. “I'm worried they'll do something they can't take back....”

 

Inside the flat, Louis was still slumped against the door, all his weight sagged against it while he buried his face in his hands. His chest heaved with the deep breaths he took to try and calm himself, Harry watching him sympathetically.

“We don't have to do it Lou. I can delete the tumblr and just come out tomorrow like everyone thinks I'm doing.” he offered, stroking his hand through soft brown strands. Louis shook his head and looked up, eyes dry though haunted.

“No. We're doing it. We've got it all planned. The boys will be okay. They will.” he seemed to be assuring himself more than his lover. He put on a smile and straightened up, hand catching Harry's and bringing it to his lips. “I need more to drink though. Shall we finish the bottle of wine we hid and watch one last of your sappy romances?” he asked, tugging Harry back towards their kitchen. Goodbyes were done. 

Now it was just the two of them for the rest of their lives.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter contains character suicide. All trigger warnings apply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're at this point. This was actually the first chapter I wrote of this sad little story, this is where it all stemmed from. I cried writing it, I cried rereading it, I cried editing it. It makes me cry a lot. The story doesn't end with this chapter however. The fall out will be explored too.
> 
> *passes out the tissues* Thanks for reading.

iPhone held tight between shaking hands, Harry sighed as yet another photo of Louis and his new tattoo came out blurry. He concentrated on deleting it, having to try a few times. His head was swimming with the wine he'd drank and the bottle of pills he'd ingested. He finally got the photo deleted and tried again, mumbling softly to himself.

“Just stay still for half a second okay?” he muttered to his hands but Louis took it as a comment towards him instead and made a face, shifting his weight on the kitchen stool as his body shook in reaction to the excess medication in his blood stream. Both of them were shaking hard enough to make their teeth chatter.

“Rather hard with a bottle of bills and more than a few drinks in me.” he grumbled right back, picking at the wrap around the lid of his sleeping pills. They'd decided to take the pain killers first so that they didn't get knocked out and wake up very sick in the morning. Harry looked up from his phone screen with a frown then pressed his elbows to the counter top to try and keep his arms steady.

“I meant my hands baby. I'm shaking like a dog shitting razor blades.” he soothed, getting a grin from Louis for his successful attempt at a joke.

“Not bad Styles. Now take the picture of the damn tattoo so I can go die in my bed.” Louis replied and held up his arm, showing off the new, brightly coloured tattoo on his wrist, peaking around his arm so it was obvious who it was. He held his forearm so he wasn't shaking either but he found he couldn't focus his eyes on anything. They just kept drifting in together as if he was tired to the point of exhaustion but he felt it nowhere else in his body. He figured it was a strange side effect of the mixture in his body and shrugged it off, leaning closer to Harry who was finally happy with a photo. He pulled out the memory card and shoved it into the card port of his laptop before his stomach lurched and his hand flew up his mouth. 

“Gonna throw up again. You finish.” he explained quickly and dashed to the toilet as best as he could on unsteady legs. Louis sighed and carefully pulled the computer to himself.

“You know where the extras are now.” he called back, clenching his eyes shut tightly to fight off the dizziness and try and get his eyes to focus. He really wanted to go lay down now. He was really beginning to feel like absolute shit. The only reply he got from his boyfriend was the sound of retching and undigested pills hitting the porcelain. He was glad that he'd kept the extra pills he'd bought. This was Harry's third time throwing up all his hard work getting down an upwards of three dozen pills in a matter of minutes. While the younger boy knelt at the toilet, the elder went to the tumblr account and uploaded the new picture with all the proper tags that would get it noticed. It was the first post that wasn't simply a reblog and Harry didn't have many followers on this new account but hopefully it would get out there and get people to notice it. Once it was posted and out there for the masses of One Direction fans to see, he went to the queue and set it to start running in a few hours when they would be hopefully beyond help, when management came pounding on their door for outing themselves. 

With the tattoo picture posted and the queue on it's countdown, Louis logged out and made his way to the bathroom, keeping his hand pressed to the wall for support. He leant against the door frame and gave his boyfriend a small smile as Harry rinsed his mouth out with water and spat.

“No more alcohol. I'm just going to do these with water.” Harry muttered as he wiped his mouth, eyes red around the rims and blood shot in the corners from the force of having his stomach empty itself. Louis nodded in agreement and took his hand to lead him out of the brightly lit room.

“We'll bring a couple bottles to the bedroom. It'll be more comfortable to lay down and wait it out in there.” he replied, pressing a kiss against Harry's shoulder then slipped away into the spare bedroom to pull a box from beneath the bed. It was where he'd hidden the extra bottles of pills when Harry had confronted him about them as well as other things he'd collected for the night. As he shuffled about on unsteady knees, Harry stood in the kitchen against the counter. One hand pressed against the granite, he fished around in his back pocket for the notes he had written while pretending to have a shower after their last movie together. He slipped them into the little holes in the back of the pizza boxes that still sat on the counter. They looked like receipts but they were folded and apparently blank except for names written with a dying blue ballpoint pen. He ran his fingertip over his mother's name, lower lip pulled between his teeth, then moved away to the fridge when he heard Louis coming back from his collection task. Pulling a pair of water bottles from the fridge, Harry gave his boyfriend the small smile they'd been sharing all evening and turned towards their bedroom.

“Ready?” he asked as their fingers curled together again, both palms clammy with sweat. Louis nodded, shaking the bottle he'd brought for Harry as well as the set of sleeping pills he'd grabbed from the counter.

“Very ready.” he answered and pulled the other along, into the dimness of their bedroom, the only light coming from the reading lamp next to Harry's side of the bed. “I'll feed you these like grapes then we'll be off to Neverland.”

 

~*~*~*~*~

Empty bottles had been tossed to the floor, blankets had been pulled up to shoulders and the boys were curled up together in the middle of their bed, Harry murmuring in Louis' ear as he nuzzled at his cheek, trying to cuddle closer. He was freezing. “I don't think it's working...I just feel sick.” he confessed, pressing a hand against his stomach to try and quell the cramping that was demanding he go throw everything up again. Bile tickled the back of his throat but he swallowed it down again with a whimper.

“It's only been an hour since you last threw up Haz. It'll work, just wait.” Louis replied softly, staring up at the ceiling and wishing it would all go faster himself. He didn't fancy laying here dying for hours. What if it did take hours and wasn't as peaceful as the internet promised?

“I wish it didn't have to be this way...” Harry sighed as he rolled on to his back as well, fingers curling around Louis' and resting their hands on his tummy, pressing them both down to help with the discomfort. He thought about the bottles of pills were currently dissolving beneath their skin. Sleeping pills to represent the time from the moment they met to the day Eleanor had been introduced, when everything had seemed like a dream, all flirtation, crushes, lust and love. The painkillers they'd bought in America to represent the months since Eleanor had been hired and everything about them went into locked down and they were left trying to hide the pain and love behind beards, sad eyed interviews and words in print that they'd never say aloud. 

“I wish you'd told me that twenty minutes ago. Shall I call an ambulance now?” Louis groaned and struggled to sit up, reaching for the phone they'd put on the beside table just in case they changed their minds. The room spun and flipped, disorienting him for a few breaths. He clenched blue eyes closed as he flopped back again with the phone clutched to his chest, taking deep lungfuls of air to keep himself from being sick. His pills were definitely working.

“No...don't....it's the only way we'll be heard. I just wish it didn't have to come to this.” Harry's voice was soft, his words starting to slur together as if mindlessly drunk. 

“I know baby. I know. Soon though...it'll be just you and me forever. No management, no beards, no fans, no anything. Just you and me for eternity.” Louis smiled a little and forced himself to move on to his side so he could stare at his lover instead of the ceiling, the phone dropping between them, pulling their hands to his lips for a shaky kiss. “Mine's definitely working now. Everything feels shaky....and fuzzy. A hamster seizure?” he tried to be funny but it wasn't working out so well. Not with Harry's laboured breaths against his lips.

“You're never going to shut up are you? I'm going to have to listen to your inane babbling for the rest of eternity.” there was no malice in Harry's words, just affection though even word took an effort he wasn't used to. He tried to shift so breathing was easier but he found that everything felt heavier than lead to him. Getting the pressure of his heavy body off his failing lungs wasn't going to happen and an attempt at touch his boyfriend would just be a kittenish flail. Instead he squeezed his fingers around Louis', trying to hold him tighter like that.

“You'll love it. My voice telling you all the dirty shit you love. We can sing together all the time. No one trying to tell us that we can't sing our harmonies. No one to tell us to be a metre or more apart.” Louis' voice was shaking as hard as the rest of his body now, muscles quivering and contracting in reaction to the surplus of medication now absorbed and coursing through his body. He'd been able to keep the pills and alcohol down the first time. He hadn't needed to take anymore but he had so that his boyfriend wouldn't have to do it alone. While his body was having a convulsive reaction, Harry was slowly slipping under while his pulse became erratic along with his difficulty breathing, lungs only finding it necessary to draw in air a few times a minute. When he got no answer, Louis opened his eyes and lifted a quaking hand to tap Harry's cheek. “Don't be gone on me yet Hazza. I'm still too awake.” he whispered, biting at his lower lip.

“I'm still here...my heart keeps fluttering though. Feels weird....really weird.” Harry replied softly, licking his lips with a tongue that felt like a desert.

“Nearly there then right? Let's kiss while we die. One last kiss.” pulling their failing bodies closer together, Louis held Harry's hand tight as he used his other hand to guide the curly haired head towards his. A soft noise of consent passed Harry's lips, cheeks flushed and skin hot to the touch. It was a soft kiss, a gentle kiss, not like many of their others. Even their first kiss had been a rough one. The kind of kiss that two energetic boys would share. Two boys who had no idea what they were doing except that it needed to happen, they needed to share this, noses bumping and giggles had while hands groped at clothes and bodies pressed tight. Their last kiss was slow and loving, lips that knew the other pair perfectly. They moulded together, tiny breaths shared as everything darkened around them.

Louis went first, body seizing up tightly before everything went slack, fingers nearly slipping right out of Harry's. Green eyes opened when their owner realized the other wasn't kissing back anymore. He lifted a hand to thumb back an eyelid, looking into blue eyes one last time. The cheeky spark was gone, all life having faded away and left only a vague distant look. Smiling sadly, Harry shifted closer, trailing lips over skin that was already beginning to cool. 

“Love you Boo...” he whispered, letting his own eyes close as he clung to his lover with one hand and groped between them for his phone, actively trying to fight off the dark haze that he could feel creeping in on him. It took him several tries to slide his phone open, numb fingers unable to hit the screen hard enough to pull up the number pad. “Come on Harry you can do this...” he muttered to himself, trying to hit just three numbers before everything went black. His heart did the odd flutter in his chest once more and he groaned, his vision fading completely and the phone slipped from his hand, back on the bed between them. “Shit...” the word fell from his lips as he slumped against his lover and went to the other side to meet him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is a piece of fiction, we all know that. We all know that there are people who are pushed to the brink the way the characters in this story are.
> 
> Please, suicide should never be the final answer. As someone who has stood at the edge and turned around, refusing to make that choice, I beg of you. If you're ever feeling so low that there seems to be no other option, know that there is. Phone your local suicide hotline, writing all your feelings down then tear it apart, go find someone, anyone to talk to.
> 
> Please don't ever make the choice I had Harry and Louis make. Life may not turn out to be perfect, full of fairytales and happiness but there's usually a little brightness out there even if it's just catching sight of a rainbow or spotting your favourite book on another person's book shelf.


	17. Chapter 17

Forty minutes after they were gone Harry's tumblr began posting it's queue. First was a picture of the two boys lounging against each other in the most casual of ways but still screamed that their was more than just platonic love there. It was followed by a simple text post stating “Everything you believe is true” and the Larry Stylinson tag began to flood with all the pictures and videos a fangirl could ever dream of. Flirtatious kisses for friends, adoring ones for themselves, silly moments and sweet. Hundreds of them from the past two and a half years. The fans couldn't believe their luck, some not wanting to reblog in case phones had been hacked. They didn't want to be “that” fan with the private pictures all over her blog. They all saved them to their hard drives though. All while their idols lay dead in their shared bed, fingers woven together like they'd never been able to properly do with life in the spotlight.

 

That's how Eleanor knew what she'd find when the sun crept into her bedroom the next day. She'd woken up and pulled open her laptop without bothering to get out of bed. She'd done exactly that every morning since that day at the hotel. Opening her homepage, she bit her lip and clenched her eyes shut, trying to take deep breaths to settle the sudden churning in her stomach. The photos were there. Dozens of them put into carefully planned sets and solos. She didn't need look past the first page of the blog to know that the photos were being seen, one glance to the reblog total was enough to confirm that. With one more deep breath, she snapped the computer shut and got out of bed. It was time to make sure.

 

Letting herself into the boys flat with the key Louis had given her, Eleanor silently prayed that the boys had changed their minds and would be at the breakfast bench feeding each other between kisses and giggles, watching the world react to the bombshell they'd dropped on it. The silence that greeted her was deafening and she put her hand to her mouth, already feeling the tears stinging her eyes as she approached the bedroom. Hand shaking as she turned the handle, she stepped in and the tears started to slip down her cheeks. They looked so perfect curled up in each other, hands held tightly between their heads. She'd found them like this many times before, often without the blanket or a stitch of any other clothing. A few tentative steps forward, she moved the blanket aside and rested a hand on Louis' shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. Maybe they were only sleeping. The body moved with her shake, no other signs on life there. She put her fingers to his throat and felt nothing, doing the same to Harry and getting the same results. Sniffing, she straightened up, looking them over with a sad smile tugging at her lips when she seen that Louis was in an oversized tshirt and Harry wore the ancient purple sweater that every member of the band claimed to own. They were the type of clothes they preferred to wear, not the things they were forced into to fit their image. Brushing her fingers through Louis' impossibly soft fringe, she sat down on the edge of the bed and began making phone calls. First to the other boys; Liam, Zayn and Niall had to know first. Next were calls to the security heads. They were ones the boys were closest too and she figured that they were the ones most able to handle a situation like this. The entire team didn't need to be here, just a few to handle it. She thought about calling their families but decided to leave that to the PR team. Same with the media. She had a promise to Louis to fulfil after all. 

 

Niall woke up with an uneasiness in his stomach that morning. Something in the world just didn't feel right to him despite the sun streaming cheerfully through his blinds. Chalking it up to Harry's outing of himself, he made him self a cup of tea and slid open his business phone to check his accounts. He had a dozen or so texts waiting for him and near as many emails but he went for the twitter app first to see what the fall out looked like. Fans were freaking out about Larry, not Harry but he wasn't all that surprised. He followed a lot of Larry shippers. It was his self appointed job as ship captain after all. He smiled to himself, taking a sip of his drink while reading over a completely capitalized message. HOW COULD THEY LIE TO US FOR SO LONG?? it demanded. He hummed to himself. Not everyone was taking it well. Not surprising. It would be okay though. Fans would come around eventually. The 'they' though had him confused. Maybe both of them had decided to come out, despite the plans they'd put together. He clicked over to Harry's account to see the tweet itself but nothing new was there. He sighed. Management must have already got to it. Poor Harry. It would be out there somewhere though. He flicked over to his tumblr app instead, beginning to sign in but was interrupted by a phone call. Eleanor. He furrowed his eyebrows as he answered the call, unable to help suspicion in his voice. The moment he heard her's though his stomach went from uneasy to a churning maelstrom 

“You need to come to Harry and Louis' now. Something's wrong.” she insisted and he didn't even get a chance to hang up his phone. He was off and running into a pair of sneakers and out the door, his tea and its mug a mess all over the floor.

 

Liam's phone call had come in the middle of his early morning work out routine. On the floor doing his second rep of crunches, he blinked when his play list switched over to his ring tone. Deciding to let it go to a message, he went back to counting, licking the sweat off his upper lip as he strained up towards his knees. The phone stopped ringing then immediately started again. He sighed and stretched out before standing, walking to the table he kept his belongings on and pressed the receive button, not bothering to check who it was. It was likely management screaming down the line about Harry's outing of himself. He personally hadn't checked on it yet, wanting to get his usual morning business out of the way before jumping into the media frenzy but he knew the world would be up in arms over it. He greeted the person on the other line with a casual 'hello, can I help you?' but stiffened at the voice that came through the line. Eleanor. And she was sobbing. Hadn't Louis told her about this? He was sure he did! Maybe she thought she'd be loosing her job now. But why would she call Liam? So distracted by his sudden careening train of thoughts, he missed what she said and had to ask for her to repeat herself twice.

“Come to Louis and Harry's. You need to. It's important.” she whimpered and the thought train derailed completely, Liam hanging up and yanking on his tshirt on his way out there door.

 

Zayn hadn't slept a wink all night, highly unusual for him and he was well aware of it. He stared at his ceiling, attempting to count sheep or tell himself stories or just lay with his eyes closed, anything to knock himself out. He thought about the oversized bottle of sleeping pills Louis had in their bathroom, pondering calling them to see if he could borrow a few but he didn't want to disturb them on the last peaceful night they'd have for awhile. Thinking about that bottle now while the sun crept into his room made his stomach flip uncomfortably for a moment. He wasn't sure why but something just wasn't sitting right about it with him. That same nagging feeling from the night before when he said goodbye to his friends. He knew that's what kept him up all night. He couldn't shake it. Couldn't shake that feeling that he should have gone back to check on them, to make sure they were okay. 

“Nothing to do about it now.” he muttered to himself and stretched out over his large bed, fiddling with the material of the unused pillow cases next to his head. Deciding to get up and shower then head down to Harry and Louis' shared apartment to see how things were going, he dragged himself out of the warm confines of his blankets and picked up his phone to text the boys his plan. Who knows how they'd slept all night with this hanging over them. As he began to slide the screen open, a call came through, making him twitch in surprise. Glancing around embarrassed as if someone had seen him in his empty bedroom, he answered the call marked 'Eleanor' with a frown on his face. Why was she calling?

“Ya?” he asked, not bothering with a proper greeting. The words she said and the emotion in her voice had Zayn bypassing the shower all together and heading straight into his wardrobe for clothes before he went running for the door.

 

After her phone calls Eleanor located the nearest computer and signed in, trying all the passwords Louis had given her before one finally worked. She logged on to Harry's tumblr which was getting hit after hit and hundreds of followers in the few hours it had been running its queue. She couldn't help but scroll through a page or two now that she'd confirmed what she'd feared this morning. A smile managed to sneak through the tears rolling down her cheeks. Harry and Louis looked so happy and relaxed when they were allowed to be together. Despite her own efforts, she and Louis would never come anywhere near that perfect. One of the photos she had given Harry, one of her own favourites, was the most recent posted. Harry had his head rested on folded arms at an table, eyes on Louis and a tiny but adoring smile on his lips. It was similar to so many that fans had regular access too but it was such a peaceful and lovely moment. Sniffing back her tears, she rubbed a hand over her eyes then opened a new text post.

_Confessions of a Beard_

_You were all right you know. Despite best efforts on multiple sides, you saw right through us all. Louis and Eleanor were never anything but friends. Barely that some days. It's not easy to pretend you love someone when the person you really love is so close by. That's the life we had to live through. Smile wider, stand closer, let's see a kiss. You've got to be an actor and no one in this love triangle was very good at it. How do I know all this? Let's say it's first hand experience. I'm Eleanor. I am the beard. I'm the one who's been cock blocking your boys for the past year and a bit. This blog is one hundred percent legitimate. Harry set it up; he and Louis are tired of hiding who they are. Enjoy the excitement while it lasts however. There will be things brought to light very shortly, a matter of hours likely, that is going to turn the lives of all Directioners, Larry fans or not, on their heads. It's already changed me forever. Please know that I love Larry Stylinson as much as all of you do. I also love the two boys that make up the relationship more than you'll ever know. My heart will break with yours today. That's all I can say for now but I promised the boys I'd run this blog. You'll get all the details I can give. For now, enjoy rubbing all your new evidence in the Calerdic's faces. I promise I don't mind. Try to be gentle though. You'll need each other to lean on very, very soon._

_< 3 Eleanor_

She hit post at the same time frantic knocks at the door started. She stood, looking at the bodies on the bed once more then went to answer the door. Life in the little world of One Direction would never, ever be the same. 

 

Hands on the door handle, shaking it frantically, Niall couldn't keep the squeak from his voice as he demanded to be let in. Eleanor had sounded so panicked on the phone and Zayn had been so worried last night. Was there something he was missing? Had he not noticed things that he should have? He wasn't as obtuse as people seemed to think. He always thought himself the opposite. Able to notice things about situations and people that no one else did, filing them away for future reference. What could he have missed about two of his closest friends that had others frightened?

“Eleanor!! Open the god damned door you have it locked!!!” he screeched, putting his foot to the door, making Zayn's dent from the night before even deeper. Fast falling footsteps from behind got his attention for a moment, Zayn and Liam both looking like they'd run a mile in a minute. The Irishman was about to start raving about keys when the door swung open and a red eyed Eleanor peeked out.

“Oh boys...this is going to kill you...” she whispered, taking Niall's hand from the door handle and pulled him inside, signalling for the other two to come in as well. Once she had the door closed, she flicked the lock again and nodded towards the bedroom. She tried to begin explaining several times but words just kept getting stuck. No explanation would do. Tears started to flow freely, in the end all she could do was say 'Bedroom' and the boys went, terrified of what they'd be finding. Huddled together they slunk in, Zayn hitting the light switch despite his eyes being clenched shut tight.

“I can't look. Liam you tell me. What's going on?” he murmured softly, his hand wrapped tightly around the other's wrist. Niall had his face burred between Liam's shoulders so it was up to their leader to tell them what was before them. Taking a deep breath, he let his eyes travel the room for signs of foul play or impending pranks until they settled first on the empty bottles on the floor then the two dark haired lumps on the bed. He reached forward with his free hand and pulled the blanket away, a faint whine buzzing in his throat.

“No....” he whimpered, shaking off his two companions and crawled onto the bed, putting his hands on his friends and shaking them hard. “No! Harry?! Louis!? No!!” he croaked, shaking and shaking until Harry's body fell back uselessly, a dark mark on his cheek from where the blood had settled. Liam jerked back, a sob escaping his mouth as Zayn and Niall looked on in their own horror. Outside the room Eleanor sunk to the floor, curling up on herself and fell back into her own sobs at the sound of Niall's scream echoing around the open spaces of the flat.

 

The security team came soon after the remaining band members, using their personal key to get in to the relief of Eleanor. She didn't think she'd be able to stand again for a little while. Everything became horribly loud and catastrophically full despite there only being ten or so people in the flat. Niall had positioned himself at the door of the bedroom, nails digging into the frame and refused anyone and everyone access to his friends. His face was bright red, nose running as he sobbed. He kept shaking his head no, kept murmuring the word over and over, not moving no matter how people crowded around him. He'd gotten used to hundreds pressing against him, half a dozen wouldn't deter him from protecting his friends. Especially the people who wanted to move those friends, to take them away forever. 

“No, no, no, no NO! You can't see them! You don't deserve to see them! You pushed them to this. You made them do it!!” he screamed, kicking out at shins when someone got too close. Paul was at a loss of what to do. He could babysit the world's most famous pack of children with all their pranks and immature nonsense but this was beyond what he ever expected from his job. His usual right-hand man was sobbing at the foot of the bed he was trying to get to, Liam not even reacting when he called to him to help with Niall. Zayn was of no use either. He'd hidden himself in the bathroom, retching occasionally heard over the sound of the fan. It was a disaster in the inviting flat with its awards on the wall and curious stains on the furniture.

“Let me in Niall. I need to check so we know who to call. We might need paramedics.” Paul gestured to get the other security team members away from the blonde, crouching down to look Niall in the eyes. He looked so young with those tears in his eyes. He was so young. Too young for this kind of thing to be happening to him.

“They are -dead- Paul. We checked. We know. They are DEAD AND YOU DID IT!!” Niall's voice cracked then he was screaming, the burliest of the team having snuck up while Paul had his attention and grabbed him around his slender waist, hauling him away from the doorway. He screeched and kicked and hit and bit and squirmed, trying desperately to get out of the tight hold, to get back to protecting his friends. All the noise he made had other tenants from the apartment complex coming to knock the door to see what was going on. No one answered and the rumours began. After all, people knew who this particular flat belonged to.

Paul stepped into the room, bright with the sunlight that was streaming in a large window. Apparently no one had told the weather that today was going to be a dark day in the entertainment industry. Still sobbing at the bottom of the bed, Liam didn't move to try and stop his tour manager, he didn't even look up. He just held the small matching bears his friends kept next to their bedside and sobbed into them, soaking the soft material and the fluff that filled them. Paul ran his hand over the boy's shaved hair as a comforting touch before leaning over the bed, studying the pair before him. Ghastly pale with that dark mark on his cheek, Harry was on his back facing the ceiling. Placing his fingers against the exposed throat, Paul shuddered. Skin was cold, staying pale when he moved his fingers away and there wasn't even a bare flutter of a pulse. He licked the back of his hand and put it over the plump lips half the world wanted to kiss. No breath either. One superstar well and truly dead. He turned to the slumped over figure next to the curly-haired brunette, Louis' face buried down into the sheets. Paul's lips quirked for a moment. Funny that it was the same position the prankster tended to sleep in. All curled up on himself or whoever he happened to be sharing a bed with. Always on his front though, nuzzled into something soft. Regretting having to move him, Paul gently rolled Louis on to his back, stomach clenching when he saw that his eyes were still half open, pale blue and sunken, not a spark of life in them. Pushing eyelids down with his fingers, he shook his head at the matching dark spot that marred his pretty features. Another blood pool which gave Paul little confidence in a pulse. He did the same tests that he'd conducted on Harry however and sighed. Nothing. Two superstars dead. Two fun loving young men dead. Two kids in love, dead. All because a pair of gay boys wouldn't make the same kind of money as a group of heterosexual flirts. Rubbing at the bridge of his nose, Paul reached between the two bodies to pick up Harry's phone, taping in the pass code and left the room, pushing the slender device into the hands of another member of the team.

 

“Call the police and tell them we have an apparent suicide here that needs to be kept in the strictest confidence. And get some sedatives into the other's. Niall is going to make himself sick if he keeps it up.” he instructed then returned to the bedroom. Zayn had joined Eleanor against the wall, the two of them speaking quietly through their tears, Niall still screaming at the bodyguard who had yet to let go of him, tears continuing to stream down his face and chest lurching with the hiccoughs that all his sobbing had brought on. Shaking his head, Paul went back to Liam, all alone against the foot of the bed, still sobbing his heart out. Settling down next to him, the tour manager put his arm around the teenager's shoulder and pulled him close, letting Daddy Direction cry over the loss of two of his babies.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay. I had this all written in advance then realized it didn't deal with the tumblr and the outing of Harry and Louis at all so I had to redo it. Thank you for your patience!

Among the first accounts to start following Harry's tumblr after he'd posted the picture of Louis' new tattoo were those who stalked celebrities where ever they went and those who wrote any kind of story they found that may have an inkling of truth. Paparazzi and celebrity bloggers. They were also the first to catch the rumour that something was going on in the apartment that Harry and Louis shared. The cameras were already three deep around the gates of the Princess Park manor when the remaining members of One Direction and Eleanor were escorted from the apartment complex into a van, their faces all red and haunted, frantic sobbing controlled by drugged cups of tea. The paps outside could count and seeing that numbers were not what they should have been in the group leaving meant something dramatic must have happened. Speculation between the people behind the cameras began, rumours made up on the spot to spread as far as they could. Had their band mates not reacted well to the outing? Was the band breaking up? Was someone going to be kicked out? Were the leaked photos a publicity stunt or had they been stolen? Every possible reason was being thrown up on to websites or other media sources and the boys' families didn't even know what had happened yet. Paul had the displeasure of making calls to the boys' mothers while standing in the middle of their flat, having to give them the heartbreaking details over the phone rather than in person because the rumours would spread faster than anyone could be flown up to Cheshire and Doncaster. Once the families knew, the PR nightmare could really begin. Modest!'s team had already been working frantically to cover for the photos, trying to get them pulled and the tumblr shut down and now they had to work on a properly worded notice to send around the world once they were ready to break the other piece of One Direction news. While all this was happening, a single member of the handler team was making sure that none of those who were in the van were tweeting about the tragedy themselves just yet.

 

“You can't say anything yet. Once we get the okay from the higher ups you can say something but not yet. The fandom already is a mess from the photos and the confirmation from Eleanor..” Katy advised, hands on her lap, holding a bucket with phones in it so messages could not be snuck on to the web, casting Eleanor a dark look. “You think we didn't know about that? We monitor the tags. The fandom is a disaster thanks to Harry and you didn't help.” The university student didn't respond, didn't even flinch. She lent against the window and stared as the scenery of London passed her by as they headed to Modest!Management's head office.

“What photos?” Zayn asked, eyebrows drawing down, looking from Katy to Eleanor then back again but he wasn't heard over Niall's pleading.

“The fans need to hear it from us though. Everything we do is for them, they're going to be wondering where we are.” Niall protested, hands folded in front of him in a begging pose. Katy shook her head and put the bucket down next to her, out of reach and out of sight.

“You can't. The world doesn't know anything yet about Harry and Louis' death. Besides, right now you've only just posted your bright and cheery good morning to the world.” she stated calmly, glancing out a window to check on their location.

“If no one knows anything then why are there so many paps out?” Zayn demanded, sitting forward in his seat. Katy turned back to raise her eyebrows at him, glancing to Eleanor then back to Zayn again. Eleanor shrugged and finally spoke.

“They don't know. None of them. They didn't want them to.” she explained, looking over the three boys squished onto the bench seat with her then back out the window. Katy sighed and pulled her own phone out, typing out a quick message and sending it off before looking to the three confused faces that were staring at her with creased foreheads and tilts of their heads. She felt a pang of sympathy for them that she never did before. They weren't clients right now. They were kids and their best friends hadn't told them a thing. 

“Harry created a blog and he used it to out himself and Louis with over a hundred pictures and a series of confirmations from himself and Eleanor. That's why the paps are already everywhere, not because they're dead.” she explained, offering over her phone and sliding through a few of the pictures that had been posted. “They're not manips and the fans know it. Everything is a mess.” she added, sitting back and putting her phone away after the boys got a good look at the pictures. 

“But it was supposed to just..” Niall murmured, hand reaching after the phone as Katy pulled it away, needing to hold on to the smiles he'd never see again. Zayn elbowed him in the ribs to keep him from completing his sentence and Liam put his hand on his thigh, shaking his head.

“It doesn't matter what the world knows. They're gone and we're all out of a job. That includes Katy and everyone else involved with us.” he stated, his eyes were red rimmed and dull, the expression on his face one of defeat. His words were reacted to with widened eyes but no comments. It had the potential to be true after all. Zayn folded in on himself, staring down at his hands, Eleanor resuming watching out the window and Niall stared sightlessly at the road ahead of them, playing the morning over and over again in his mind until tears began slipping down his cheeks again and all he could do was cry.

 

When they arrived at Modest!Management headquarters the chaos was full on, hundreds of paparazzi and a slew of other media were crowding all the entrances, screaming questions and accusations before the door of the van had even opened. Burly security guards shoved the cameras and microphones back so the occupants could get out, Katy forcing deep hooded sweaters on to each of her clients, instructing them to say nothing and keep the hoods up. Then the doors opened and dozens of cameras caught pictures of Niall's red eyes, haunted face and compressed lips before he dropped his head and slipped out into the arms of one of their guards. It would be the photo that would grace websites and magazines when the news officially broke, when the reactions of Harry and Louis' band mates began being discussed. A path was forced through the crush of media, slow steps with words hurled at already fragile young adults, microphones shoved into hooded faces, hoping for a comment or a curse, anything to sell a story. 

“Come on Zayn, we know it's you in that hood. We can see your tattoos. Tell us what's happened! Where are Louis and Harry? Are you kicking them out of the band?” a grating voice yelled in the ear of the tattooed boy, dark eyes looking out from his hood, narrowed and furious. 

“They're dead. Have some respect.” he spat, regretting nothing despite the way Katy growled at him and they got shoved all the faster. There was silence for a moment in the crowd around the journalist who'd spoke to Zayn, eyes wide then an increase of madness brought the volume back ten fold, phones being whipped out to relay the information they'd just received right from the lips of a member of One Direction. Not only was the heavily debated relationship a real thing but there was death involved as well. In the eyes of the cutthroat world of media, the story just kept getting better.

 

“Are you crazy????” had been screamed at him a dozen times now by a dozen different people but Zayn stared through every one of them, only speaking to his band mates Eleanor had been taken to another room the moment they walked through the lobby to be questioned about everything she knew about the situation. The three boys had been left to sit on a couch together near the lunch room while their handlers discussed what to do with them. Pressed tight together with Zayn in the middle, Niall dropped his head to his friend's shoulder, nuzzling him as he spoke softly.

“I'm glad you did it...” he murmured. He got a small scoff in reply and an arm slung around his shoulder. “I wish we could have told the world properly but a least they can't make money off who gets the exclusive now. Everyone will know.” the blonde continued, letting his eyes slip closed as Zayn's warm hand rubbed the back of his neck.

“It's all gone too far. I won't just do what they tell me to any more. I can't. Not when our boys saw killing themselves as the only way out of their control.” Zayn replied and gave Niall a squeeze before moving away, putting his hand on Liam's thigh to help push him up and stalked over to the bucket of phones that had been left on a table unattended; Katy had to run off to help with damage control. He snatched up the container and brought it to the others, ignoring the shout from behind him when a member of their team spotted him. He handed out the phones and tossed the bucket over his shoulder, glaring when someone grabbed his wrist as he began to type in his code.

“This is mine. You can keep the iPhone but this one is mine. I paid for it, I pay the plan, it's mine.” he growled, jerking his arm back and shoving his ancient blackberry down the front of his jeans.

“Everything is already a mess. Just leave alone for a bit longer Zayn. Please.” of course the tactic had been switched to coddling, as if he'd fall to pieces again. He was passed it though. Sorrow was anger now.

“It's been a mess for months. Everything about this disaster of a band has been a mess from the beginning. Everything has been about money. Nothing about us. Nothing about how we feel, nothing about how we're being trampled and torn apart. Our fears are mocked in interviews. We're forced to deny how we feel, who we are. The only thing that has ever been defended is the relationship between Louis and Eleanor because god forbid a person might be gay. That's the horrible thing. Not that I'm constantly hurled racist shit, called a terrorist. Not that Harry is portrayed as a whore that will sleep with anyone with a cunt. Niall can't defend himself to fans who treat him like shit for no reason. Liam has to lie about his health so he can be the good boy. Everything is about what brings in the all mighty pound. That's what makes this a mess. That's why your fucking PR team is running around headless. All of it because money is more important than anything else. More important than two lives, than two people, two of the best human beings I've ever met. And even that was going to be sold to the highest bidder.” he wrenched his arm away, letting the iPhone drop to the floor before taking up the space between his band mates again. Liam took his finger off his phone's keypad, ending the audio he'd just recorded. Niall leant against Zayn's side again and pressed send on his tweet. How the PR team hadn't thought to change their passwords he didn't know, but he'd changed it now. His account was his. Zayn was right. He wouldn't be a controlled anymore. 

_@niallofficial not such a happy morning anymore Directioners. Harry and Louis aren't with us anymore. RIP my friends._

_@niallofficial guys we'll give more details as we know them. Just hold tight._

The replies and retweets started pouring in, horrified fans wondering what kind of horrible prank it was. Stomach clenching, Niall began to think maybe he should have left this to the PR team. Glancing at his companions, he sent a quick text to them both for a bathroom run. Liam nodded and went to their nearest security member, offering his phone as a peace offering. 

“Can I use the bathroom?” he asked dully, looking up from below heavy eyebrows. He got a short nod and waved off, PR not having realized Niall's tweets just yet. He shuffled off, the other two following suit shortly after without asking permission and ducked into the restroom, barricading the door the best they could when they heard the yells from outside about them being alone with their phones. 

“I tweeted guys and the fans are going crazy. I should have left it alone.” Niall bit his lip, looking at his friends in turn, showing them the screen where mentions and responses were constantly flooding in. Liam took a look and nodded, still somber. 

“Can we do a twitcam with a phone? We could explain.” he asked, flicking through Niall's phone to check if it was possible.

“I think so. We just need a camera that does video and our phones all do that.” Zayn murmured and helped Liam set up while Niall sent one more tweet using Zayn's phone.

_@niallofficial sorry i've upset you guys. Twitcam here._

He pressed send and watched the the viewer numbers roll higher and higher, probably the most popular twitcam they'd ever done. Hoping it was mostly fans but knowing they'd have a lot of media and haters involved too, the three boys fussed around to get themselves all in frame. They lent as heavily against the bathroom door as they could, wincing as it was pounded against their backs while the team outside was still trying to get to them.

“Hey guys, wish this was a happier twitcam but it's not. We don't know how long we have either because we're not exactly doing it with permission....” Niall started, giving a weak smile, sniffing back the tears that were threatening again. Liam had been right earlier. At the end of the day none of them would have jobs. The whirlwind that was there lives would be coming to an abrupt halt. That realization took his breath away and he stared at the phone's camera with a shocked expression, leaving the other two to do the talking. Liam squeezed his upper arm tight in reassurance before trying to explain.

“We'll let you know as much as we can manage, we're all fairly shook up as you can imagine. Sometime during the night Harry and Louis took their lives....” his voice shook and he dug the heel of his palm into his eye, trying to press the tears back in. “They had just had enough I guess. We don't have a letter or anything.” and that was as much as he could manage, slumping down out of camera range, head on his knees, shaking with sobs again. Niall disappeared along beside him, leaving Zayn to hold the camera selfie style. He glanced down at his friends then back to the small circle that was broadcasting his image across the world. 

“Harry was going to come out today. Tell everyone the truth, that he's bi. We were expecting a bit of a fall out from it all, from fans and our management, but we know our true fans would stay with us. Support Harry, protect him from all the haters. Louis was going to break up with Eleanor in a few weeks, once the hype around Harry and his sexuality died down. In about six months time they were going to share what you all know by now. They're a couple. They -were- a couple. Have been since early days of X-factor really.” he sighed, running his free hand through his hair, giving it a tug. “That was still the plan last night when we all had dinner last night. When they started planning suicide instead I don't know. They're not weak people, it wouldn't be for a cowards way out. That's not how Harry and Louis are. Were....We've got nothing from --”

“Shut down the twitcam Malik. Turn it off.” the pounding stopped on the door and a crisp accent came through, all three boys paling despite the decisions they'd made about being puppets. 

“That's Simon.” Liam hissed, struggling back to his feet, lower lip between his teeth.

“I'm not their play thing anymore.” Zayn hissed back, dropping his camera to his side, still filming but getting nothing but a close up view of his dark jeans. 

“Management is one thing. He's our boss. He's the reason we have careers.” Liam returned, helping Niall up. The blonde swallowed, looking at his friends for guidance. The three stood sharing looks between them while a count down from ten started on the other side of the door as if they were naughty school children. When five became four Zayn growled and murmured an apology into the phone and shut it down. They shoved away the pile from in front of the door and slowly opened it to a scowling Simon Cowell, his arms crossed over his chest as he studied them.

“You seem to be quite determined to make an unfixable mess out of all this.” he greeted, nodding at a security guard who snatched the phone out of Zayn's hand, another one manhandling Niall to relieve him of the blackberry he held as well.

“How could this be fixed? It was shattered this morning.” Liam asked softly, tears drying on his cheeks again.

“PR teams are prepped for these occurrences. They are not the responsibility of immature pop idols to take into their own hands. You've probably made it worse for your fans than you can imagine. The hate certain fractions of the fandom is going to get will make Louis' bullshit comments in the fall seem innocent. You've ruined Eleanor's reputation by essentially calling her out as a beard and made everyone in your team look just as bad.” Simon explained, dark eyebrows drawn down. “I hired you one of the best PR teams available because boy bands are more scandalous than any rock band. The three of you have thrown all the hard work they do to cover your backsides, in the fire.” he growled in agitation, glancing over his shoulder. “Separate them. There will be no more of this.” he looked back to the boys and shook his head. “Foolish children.” and left, leaving the boys chastised and feeling like screw ups.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several people commented that Simon seemed a bit harsh when he separated the remaining three boys. I don't know...it seemed to me the most logical thing to do when they were all making a mess of the situation. Simon isn't meant to be a nice guy in this fic, he isn't meant to coddle them and make them feel better. He, along with the management and the PR are the bad guys in this ;)

Steps down the hallway from the bathroom, Simon stood with his arms still folded across his chest, deep in conversation with the president of Modest! management and the lead handler of One Direction as well as a few mid-level employees who would be tasked with supervision of the boys. He may have had very little to do with the management company or anything other than being the owner of their record label, but Simon was still influential enough that everyone deferred to him automatically.

“Now that they're separated, we need to learn everything they know about the situation and we need to know it fast. Thanks to their idiocy we have to send out a statement immediately rather than having a few hours to plan it out. According to Katy, Eleanor insists that none of the three remaining members had any idea but I don't believe that. Especially not with the statement Zayn made about Harry's plans for coming out.” he explained, hand balling into a fist against his side, a growl rumbling in his chest as his usual calm, arrogant temperament cracked for a moment. “I'd kill him myself if he wasn't already dead at this point.” those around him winced; inwardly for the higher ups, visible on those who's job was normally to make sure Zayn came back from his smoke break and that Louis didn't steal anything too valuable from the hotel lobbies.

“Liam would typically be the easiest to get information from. He's always been the one to help wrangle the others up when it gets too chaotic.” the lead handler offered with a shrug, still a little shell shocked himself that his clients had planned all this under his nose and no one had had a clue. “And considering the state that Niall is in, he may give up all the information we need just so he can have someone to talk to.” he continued, his underlings nodding along in agreement. His boss however, shook his head.

“These are not the same boys we've worked with for the last two years. These are not the same boys that they were even last night. It's not going to be the same, dealing with them at is. Not at all.” Modest!'s president argued, the underlings nodding to that as well. They did a lot of nodding and agreeing in their lives.

“Just find out what they know, no matter how you have to go about it. You three were chosen for this because you all have some psychology background in your education. Use it and get us whatever you can.” Simon waved all the advice off that other two men had given and looked each of the other employees in the eye. “Don't fuck it up. There's been enough of that today.”

 

Confined to a room alone apart from a tea kettle and a handler flipping through a newspaper, Zayn paced the floor, pausing to read the tiny captions under large framed photos of Modest!'s clients, all with varying degrees of success. There was an extra large frame on the wall opposite of him of the management company's most successful act. He was, of course, avoiding that one. He was fairly sure he was in this particular room so that he would notice it, so he would begin sobbing again and the handler could offer him more tea ever so soothingly. He had no interest in another cup of drugged tea after the dose in the apartment. If he was going to use drugs through this ordeal, they'd be of his own choosing. A cigarette would be ideal at the moment however.

“Can I have a smoke out the window since we can't go anywhere else?” he asked, turning away from a picture of the most recent X-factor winner. The personal belongings that he'd had on him when he left his own flat that morning were spread across a table after he'd been frisked like a criminal for another phone. 

“Go ahead. Just the window mind, stay off the balcony.” his handler waved at the pile absently, turning the page of the paper. Not very talkative this one, not one of their usual personal either. Just a casual who was only around during tv appearances and radio shows to help manage getting them through the crowds. The majority of their usual people were likely still trying to get a handle on the day's situation. Zayn took up the pack of cigarettes with his lighter and went to the window, prying it open with a good deal of effort. He took a few moments to bask in the cool, fresh air before ruining it with lungfuls of smoke. Lighting up and taking his first deep inhale, he let his mind wander over the day's events. It wasn't even noon yet but his sleepless night before Eleanor called felt like a year ago. There was still enough sedative in his system to keep him calm while his mind went through the details. He'd seen dead bodies before, having had attended too many family funerals in the past few years but something was so very different about looking down at two of your best friends, two of your brothers, laying there dead in front of him. He hadn't touched them, only Liam had, but he'd watched. Watched the bodies that had been so full of energy and life wiggle uselessly under the protective boy's frantic hands. He'd hoped there would be a muffled giggle, a cheek getting bitten in order to keep back a grin, anything that would have been a give away to a horrible prank. He'd been praying for Harry's barking laugh and Louis tackling them all, screaming 'gotcha!'. Then they'd have had breakfast and opened up a computer or two to monitor the fall out of the Harry's revelation. He wouldn't even hate them now if it did all turn out to be an elaborate joke. He'd hug them then punch them for scaring them so bad. He'd give anything to have that happen. For Harry and Louis to walk in and tell him that it was okay. The world had to think they dead so they could be together but they were actually just fine. 

“Anything, anything, anything...” he murmured to himself, slumping forward with his head in his hands and cigarette burning unused between his fingers, ash dropping on his pants. Paper rustled as the handler put it down and walked to the window to sit next to Zayn, putting his hand on his thigh, brushing away the ash.

“Anything what?” he asked as shoulder shaking sobs began wracking the pop star again.

 

Niall sat in the corner of the room he'd been taken too, a conference phone pressed to the side of his face as he spoke softly to his mum, trying to explain to her what was going on. His assigned handler had disappeared out for half an hour shortly before and come back with some lunch for him. She was his usual food runner and had brought back his favourite from the local pub but it was ignored, left to go cold as the Irish boy huddled in on himself, the front of the huge hoodie he'd been brought in wearing pulled over his knees. 

“I don't know where it came from mum, they were okay yesterday. We were all nervous about today, I told you what would be happening before remember? Right, well, we were all nervous about that. Me and the boys though, we didn't think anything like this would happen.” he murmured quietly, eyes closing as he rested his head back against the wall, letting the soothing sound of his mother's voice drift over him. Her soft Irish lilt made him feel like a little boy again, a little bit safe and not so alone in the sea of posh English he often found himself surrounded by. She tried to reassure him that none of the night's happenings were his fault but he wasn't hearing it.

“What about the mess I made this morning then mum? I should have listened to our team and not done anything. It all hurt so bad though...I just thought the fans should know from us. We're nothing without them.” he sniffled, chest giving a heave at the thought of what their millions of fans were doing now that everything was out there for them. No more lies, no more hiding, no more Harry and Louis. “And they'll be a wreck without us.....everything is such a mess mum.” another sniffle as blue eyes welled up with tears again, spilling hot over red cheeks. “Yes mum, I'll come visit. I'll come home as soon as I can. Promise.” he murmured, grinding his hand into eye. “I'm going to go mum, I'm gonna ask for a pillow or something to nap on. I'm so tired, my head's a wreck.” he bid his mother good bye, giving his love and blowing a kiss into the receiver before standing on legs that felt like jelly to hang up the phone. He shuffled to the table and sat down, picking at a bit of chicken then pushing it away, looking to his handler with a sigh.

“Can I get a pillow or a blanket, love? I need a nap. Too much in one day.” he asked, lip curling in an attempt at a smile. His handler looked up from the screen of her smart phone and mimicked the expression.

“Sure Niall, but one question first though.” she replied, flicking off her phone as she stood up from her chair. She let her face soften and tilted her head, brushing her hand over his hair and out of his eyes. “Why would you all have been nervous about today?” 

 

“This is all I ever wanted out of life you know. To sing and have the world hear me. Band mates that became best friends and brothers was an added bonus. I really just wanted to have a life where my voice would let me live comfortably.” Liam murmured, sipping his tea while he stared through the handler across the coffee table from him. He'd ended up in a plush room with couches and low tables, a casual sort of meeting room. He didn't think he'd been in this one before, most of the meetings he had to attend here at Modest!Management were in rooms furnished with heavy tables covered in paper and pens or in the games room in the basement where tour plans could be hashed out over games of pool or fuze ball. 

“You can still do that Liam. Your voice hasn't changed, the world will still want to hear you sing. They'll need to hear you sing in fact. You, Zayn and Niall can help the fans heal from this loss by continuing on.” his handler was the same woman who had tried to coddle Zayn into giving back the phones. He didn't know her name though, he wasn't sure if he'd seen her before today frankly. There was a lot of people he didn't recognize running around today. He absently wondered who was taking care of the other acts that Modest! represented today when their entire force seemed to be scrambling over them. 

“I don't know if I'm going to want to sing anymore after today. Not as One Direction for sure. There is no One Direction without Harry and Louis.” he shook his head, running his hand over his short hair as he looked down into his cup. The tea tasted a little off; they must have been drugging him again. He didn't know how he could possibly be any calmer in this situation than he already was. Maybe they wanted him to fall unconscious so they could spin a story that there was drug use among them all and Louis and Harry just happened not to make it. That they didn't kill themselves for love, it was just an accident of a boy band gone wild. It wouldn't surprise him at this point. They'd learned far too late that they were nothing but a money making scheme to these people he was locked up with. All they worked for was the money a world famous musical sensation could bring them and to never, ever embarrass themselves and be in the wrong. They rather ruin the reputations of young men just fresh in the world than to have any dark smear against the management company. 

“I used to trust everything you said here, go along with anything because I thought you were all honest and had our best interests at heart. That you'd be protecting us from the dark side of this industry. Clearly I was very, very wrong. You are the dark side of the industry.” Liam murmured, holding his cup over the table and let go, watching the handler's face as the porcelain shattered and the remaining liquid splashed across both of their legs. The soft, sympathetic expression she had been wearing all this time disappeared and hands moved to her thighs to support her as she leaned over, giving the nineteen year old a level look over the rim of her glasses.

“But who do you think will be the ones protecting you from the shit storm your deceased band mates have created for you?”

 

“You do realize that you could face jail time over this Miss Calder, don't you? Many would consider this assisted suicide.” peering over steepled fingers, Modest!'s lawyer raised an eyebrow at the girl across from him. Eleanor stared back at him, fussing with her fingernails but not letting fear show on her face. 

“I want my own lawyer.” she replied simply, glancing behind her at the two security guards standing at the door. “I want proper legal representation and a police officer present if you are going to continue interrogating me.” she tipped her head back, chin jutting out proudly. 

“I am your lawyer. I'm being provided to you by the company who you hold a contract with, despite you breaking that contract with your commentary online this morning. And this isn't an interrogation, this is a discussion.” the lawyer corrected, sitting back in his seat to appear less confrontational, his body language becoming more open. Eleanor wanted to laugh at him. As if he scared her when every day of the past year and a half she had people either kissing her ass or threatening her, all because of who she was dating. She knew all about body language too; how to hold yourself and make it seem like you were happy in a situation when you were truly bored to tears or wanting to shake with anger. She'd also learnt a thing or two about reading said body language from reading up on fan analysis every time she and Louis went out. She absently wondered how the fandom was doing, if they knew anything yet. She wished she had her phone to check her twitter account. And to call her father so he could help her out with the situation she'd wound up in. Misreading the thoughtful look on Eleanor's face, the lawyer smirked inwardly and pressed on at her, thinking that perhaps he'd managed to crack her a little.

“Let's talk about that blog Eleanor. How long had Harry been working on it? It will help to know how long he'd been planning his suicide. He was planning to die wasn't he? He couldn't possibly think that giving that kind of material out to the public would be good for his career, good for anyone around him?” he suggested, leaning forward conspiratorially when Eleanor's lips tightened. “And what about Louis? Did he even know what was going on? We know they were together, that's why you were hired but do you think Louis did this willingly? Would Harry have forced it on him?” he continued, grinning inwardly; all her body language pointed to her snapping at him. When people snapped, they spilt everything. Hands balled into fists, Eleanor leaned forward, eyes narrowed and angry.

“I. Want. My. Own. Lawyer.” she growled at him and sat back, arms crossed over her chest and lips tightly compressed. They would get nothing from her.

 

They got nothing from any of them in fact. The three employees who were meant to get the information Simon wanted stood together nervously, watching their charges disappear out a side entrance with Liam's mother. The bespectacled woman had marched in the door, blew passed security and demanded her boys. All three of them. There had been no arguing with her, the usually calm, sedate woman had displayed a viciously protective side that hadn't softened until her baby was brought to her. She didn't seem big enough to be able to hug three grown teenage boys at once but she'd managed it, murmuring promises that their mums would be with them as soon as they could but she had them for now. That they were okay, that they were leaving the building and she would take care of them. No one tried to stop them after that, especially when the request to keep them in London was met with a glare and a flipped bird over Niall's shoulder.

So the interrogators stood, hands clasped before them as they gave each other nervous looks.

“Did you learn anything?” Zayn's keeper asked the two women. Both shook their heads, Niall's girl biting her lip.

“Nothing that we didn't already know. They had planned for Harry to come out today, ride out the storm and go on with life. I believe it too. He just kept saying over and over that his best friends wanted to die and he had no idea.” she explained, her own eyes tearing up a little. Liam's handler nodded in agreement.

“They had no idea but it's not Harry and Louis they're mad at. It's all of us.” she sighed, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. The other two nodded, the single male of the group looking down at his hands, fussing with the ring he wore on his right middle finger. His boyfriend had given it to him just a week before; a promise ring. He looked up again at the women then out the window of the glass door their clients had just left through.

“I can't say I blame them.”


	20. Chapter 20

Days passed full of toxicology reports, psychiatric evaluations and frayed tempers finally snapping. Modest! And Syco were doing everything they could to try and keep their claw in the remaining members of One Direction, redrawing up contracts for the three talented voices with sob stories to drive epic ballads that were much more generous than the paper work they'd all signed as wide eyed children who had little idea that their lives were being signed away. The attempts never went well, culminating in a final meeting with Liam calmly stating that there was no longer any direction left and hurled a folder full of paperwork out over a seventh story balcony. After that, they were left to mourn in the care of their families, their mothers leaving their homes to be with the sons who refused to leave their friends. They weren't the boys that had called home a week before full of excitement over this show or that promo, they were all plagued with the guilt that came with not noticing what their friends were going through. Niall had the hardest time with it, blue eyes red rimmed most days with dark smudges beneath them from lack of sleep, unable to rest more than an hour or two a night before waking up screaming from nightmares. Zayn and Liam took turns calling him once darkness fell to comfort him, his own mother at a loss of what to do with the son who was the exact opposite of everything he'd ever been. He spent the hours he was awake rubbing at his bare wrist, the infinity mark that Harry had drawn on him fading a little more each day. When the ink was all but gone, Niall picked up the phone and made a call.

A day later, he sat alone on a leather couch that could be easily sunk into and lost forever in, waiting for his appointment in a busy tattoo parlour, absently rubbing the spot on his wrist that would no longer be bare. There was commotion all around him but instead of joining the conversations or making some of his own chaos he sat silent, eyes focused on the tv in the corner with the 24 hour news channel reporting on road closures and sports highlights. There was a table full of magazines in front of him but he'd turned them all over; cosmetic ads facing up now instead of his own haunted expression and bold headlines taunting their readers with gruesome details inside. He'd flipped through one, just to see what details the media had been given access to but a photo of a racing ambulance had been enough to make him set it down again. Watching television was safer. There were far more important things to discuss in general media than pop bands and untimely deaths. 

Or not.

The hourly celebrity update segment came on and Niall closed his eyes against the smiling faces on the screen behind the presenter. The personal pictures Harry had filled his tumblr with were everywhere now. The world had access to them and was running with it; eager to cash in on a relationship that had been denied to them. Simon had been right of course. Boy bands made for sensational scandal and everyone wanted a piece. The amount of people who had come forth ready to sell their story about how they knew Larry Stylinson was the real deal made Niall nauseous and as far as he was concerned he'd been sick enough this past week. 

He stood up from the couch and went over to the well tattooed man sitting behind the main desk.   
“Hey, could you switch the channel to something else?” he asked in his best Londoner accent, trying to hide the Irish lilt that would get him raised eyebrows in this part of the country. The man looked up with a raised eyebrow, a smirk on his studded lip.

“What? Why? It's just that boy band shit, it'll be over in a minute. Besides, those girls are in to it. Might like a bit of consoling.” he replied, nodding over to a small group of girls in their late teens with their hands to their mouths and dampness in their eyes. Niall huffed a small laugh and tugged his hood further over his head to make sure his signature messy blonde locks were well covered.

“Your shop is busy enough. You don't want the kind of havoc that will bring.” he stated, shaking his head when the man gave him a perplexed look. “Just change the channel. Please.” he added and started back to his couch.

“Heh. You're pretty mate but not that pretty. Who do you think you are?” that made the blonde sigh and he picked up one of the magazines, turning back to drop it on the counter cover sided up. Looking down at the picture then up again with wide eyes and a dropped jaw, Niall couldn't help the little smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“I'm sure the Telly Tubbies are on some where. Do me a favour ya?” he replied and went back to his seat, leaving the desk clerk staring at the magazine. The telly promptly flicked over to an old comedy rerun but Niall didn't get a chance to watch it. The pseudonym he'd given them was called and he headed into a small brightly light room to have his body marked forever.

~*~*~

Zayn came home to Princess Park Manor after a brief excursion to a shopping centre and did what he and the other two boys did every time they returned home. He gathered up as many flowers as he could hold and took them upstairs to the apartment that Louis and Harry had once occupied. There were vases with blooms everywhere along with tributes that poured in from fans around the world. Even after the police had cleared the flat as a crime scene, nothing was touched or moved. Pizza boxes still sat on the counter top from the last meal all five boys had shared, one of Harry's beanies hanging off an arm of the chandelier where it had been flung in a game of keep away a week before everything had gone to hell. Dismantling the life the boyfriends had made for themselves seemed disrespectful to them when they hadn't even been put in the ground yet.

“They're going to be buried together, did you hear that?” Zayn asked Niall as he shoved a bouquet of bright red roses into an already full vase, having to yank out some of the greenery so there was enough room for all the blooms. When he got no immediate reply, he turned away to look at his friend on the other side of the kitchen. Niall stood next to the huge window, staring down at the crowd that lined the fence. Girls hugging in clumps, leaning on each other for support as they placed flowers, stuffed animals, and notes down among the piles of others. The blonde watched it all with a blank face, thumb rubbing idly along the golden edge of the photo frame he held in his hands. 

“Did you hear me Niall?” Zayn tried again, closing the space between them with a few strides and put a hand on the other's shoulder, frowning when it sagged beneath his light touch.

“How did we not see it coming? How did I miss it?” Niall replied, fingertips gently touching the smiling faces beneath the glass of the photo frame. 

“I don't know...” Zayn answered softly, his stomach clenching as his conscious niggled at him. He'd sensed something that night, he knew something was going to happen. Something bad but he'd walked away from the dented door. They all had. Every time Zayn thought of it, he vomited and this time was no different. His torso lurched from the strength of the gag and he ran to the washroom, loosing everything he'd managed to get into him in the last few hours. Spicy food was extremely unpleasant to revisit so despite it being his favourite, he'd begun turning away from his mother's cooking, eating mostly just bread when he managed to eat anything at all. 

Leaving the photo frame on the window sill, Niall followed his friend into the bathroom, rolling his sleeves to the elbow as he went. He sat on the edge of the bathtub and leaned forward to rub soothing circles on Zayn's back while he gagged and spit. 

“I hate throwing up.” the dark haired boy muttered as he reached to flush the toilet then slid down to the floor to rest his head against the cool tiles. Niall got up to retrieve a cup of water for him, offering it over as he sank down on to the floor as well. He pressed his cheek to the ground, sighing at the chill against his skin. Feeling anything was better than thinking about the hollow ache in his chest. He watched Zayn struggle to drink while laying down, a smile tugging on his lips when he gave up, sitting up to swish and spit into the toilet then lay back down again. As Zayn lay down, he ran his hand down along Niall's forearm to take his hand, fingers stuttering against cotton bandage.

“Niall? What's this?” he squeaked, holding up the bandaged wrist with a horrified stare. The blue eyed boy turned his head and gave a shrug, pulling his hand away to begin undoing the wrap. 

“It's not what you think. It's just a tattoo. Two of them actually.” he replied and sat up, smoothing his thumb over the ink that marked his skin, still moist from the cream the tattoo artist had put on him earlier. On the jutting bone of his right wrist was the infinity symbol he had missed out doing with his friends, fresh black ink standing out boldly against his pale skin. Zayn reached out to gently touch it then helped to unwrap the other wrist.

“What's this one then?” he asked quietly as he sat up as well, piling up the loose bandages in his lap.

“It's them.” Niall replied and held out his arm. On the inside of his left wrist, just above the pale strip that was his watch tan line, curly scripted letters spelt out S S Larry with a little boat hanging off the Y. “The fans have always called me the ship captain. Thought it was suiting.” he explained, face crumpling as tears began to spill down his cheeks again. “But my ship sank. I didn't even know they were in trouble and they killed themselves. I could have done something. I should have been paying attention.” he whimpered, falling into Zayn's chest as he cried, the older boy wrapping his arms tightly around him, trying to ignore the lurching in his gut as the guilt crept up on him once again.

“We all missed it babe. We spent every single day of our life with each other and we all missed it. They didn't want us to know. We have to stop beating ourselves up over it.” Zayn murmured, wishing he could take his own advice. Niall hiccoughed against his chest and held tighter, needing to cling until his heart stopped thumping and the tears stopped coming. It took awhile. Every time he calmed himself down another wave of remorse would wash over him and he'd be sobbing again. Zayn held him through it all, tears leaking down his own cheeks that he'd wipe off against his friend's shirt. Finally after the better part of thirty minutes, Niall sniffled one last time before lifting his head off Zayn's shoulder, looking down at the tattoos on his wrists and the pile of white wrapping in the other's lap.

“It would be so much easier if we could do the same thing. We wouldn't have to be going through all this. We could be on the other side with Louis and Harry doing whatever the fuck they're doing.” he sighed, rubbing at his eyes and slipped back down to the floor to let the cool of the tiles seep back into his flushed cheeks. Zayn's eyes widened, feeling the flutter of panic in his stomach again that he had when he discovered the bandages around the other's wrists.

“Don't talk like that Ni....please don't talk like that...” the dark skinned boy pleaded, reaching out to grab the other's hand tightly in both of his own. Niall chuckled, nuzzling their hands as his blue eyes slipped closed. 

“This is how we found them remember? Just laying around like they were sleeping, holding hands because they always did when they could. Why couldn't the world just let them hold hands...” he sighed, curling his other hand around Zayn's wrist to pull him down beside him.

“It was only five days ago. How could I forget?” Zayn mumbled, tugging Niall against his chest, letting go of his hands to hug him tight. “You gotta stop talking like this though. I can't loose another brother. I can't loose you.” honey brown eyes watered at the thought of loosing this carefree boy. 

“I'm never going to forget.” heaving a sigh, Niall untangled himself and sat up, leaning back against the toilet, gazing up at the ceiling. He just couldn’t be still. “And I don't want to die. I just....I don't want to be here until everything is over with. Can't someone just take my place and live through the nightmare that's going to be my life for the next few weeks? Get me through the funerals, the burials, the media shit until something else scandalous comes along? I just want to be on the other end of this. I don't want to live it.” he explained, fingers fiddling with a few strands of Zayn's hair, the dark haired head now on his lap.

“It's gotta be you who does it, no one else. We've just got to get through it, one day at a time. We just gotta do it but we'll do it together.” Zayn replied, stomach heaving when his phone began singing at him in a duet of Harry and Louis' voices. Niall paled and beat him to the bowl, emptying out his own stomach while Zayn got a hold of his own in order to answer the call. He crawled away so their remaining band mate wouldn't have to overhear the blond retching.

“Hey Li....ya, we're up in their flat. Me and Niall. Ya, food would be good. We've both just emptied ourselves of whatever we've had recently.” he smiled a little as Liam put two and two together and gagged himself. He hung up with a murmur of 'see you in a minute' and used Niall's back to stand up, refilling the cup the Irishman had given him before. Sitting back on his heels, blue eyes stared at him in horror.

“How can you have that as your ring tone?” he demanded, smacking away the offered hand as he forced himself upright. Zayn shrugged, looking down at his phone with it's wallpaper of the five of them hamming it up for a professional's camera.

“Hearing their voices makes it easier somehow. It tears at my heart but it makes me feel like they're still here. I have a voice mail from Louis on here too. Stupid shit about borrowing a jacket of mine but I just can't delete it.” he replied, rubbing his thumb over Harry's megawatt smile complete with dimples. A wave of sadness washed over him at the reminder that he'd never get that flashed in his direction again. This mourning period was going to be long and nasty, nothing like he'd experienced with deceased family members. “Liam's bringing up some food. Let's find a spot among the flowers to eat before we start going through the gifts from fans again.” he sighed and left the bathroom, phone hugged to his chest as he forced back tears, his hand making a gesture he'd picked up from a dead man; index finger pressing up against the corner of his eye.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. Summer is an extremely busy time for me so I didn't get a chance to write much. Hope you enjoyed your summer though! (If you're with me in the Northern Hemisphere that is....)

With large reusable bags full of tributes in each hand and a small bag of Chinese take-out containers held between his teeth, Liam kicked at the door to the apartment, hoping that one of the boys inside would come answer it and he wouldn't have to struggle with getting it open with his load. Inside, Zayn and Niall looked up from the pile they were sorting through; beautiful pieces of fanart to one side to have displayed at a memorial service, plush toys set apart to donate to Louis' favourite charity, cards and fan letters next to Zayn's slender thigh to read through once everything else was organized and a basket full of assorted other items holding Liam's place in the small space. Pushing himself up from his cross legged position, Niall went to the door, peeking through the peep hole before opening it up and pulling the taller boy in for a tight hug. With his arms loaded down, Liam couldn't do much to return it but nuzzle his hair into the other's cheek.

“Lemme get that.” Niall gave him a small smile and took the grocery bags before moving to let Liam in. He grunted at the weight of them but made no other comment as he hauled them back to where Zayn was waiting. Liam watched him go with a small frown as he took the bag of food from between his teeth. The changes in his Irish friend saddened him. They were all greatly affected by the deaths of Harry and Louis but when an offering of free food came and Niall didn't even look at it, it was enough to make Liam think that perhaps they would need the therapy that his mother suggested to him at home the night before. Sighing through his nose, he pulled the door shut behind him and weaved his way though the bouquets of flowers littering every flat surface and entered the kitchen, the floor the only place that there had been a few metres of space to spread out on without pushing anything aside.

“These weren't outside when I came up.” Zayn mused, peeking into the bags that Niall had dropped between them as he sat back down, pulling the basket of odds and ends closer to him so that Liam would have a place to sit.

“They were at Modest! Headquarters. I picked them up on my way up from mom and dad's place this morning.” Liam answered, settling into the spot that had been cleared from him. He gave the bags of tributes a little push away to make space for the food. “You both must be hungry after throwing up so let's eat this before we sort any more. Why did you throw up anyway?” he asked, falling into the role that was most comfortable for him.

“Zayn has them as his ring tone.” Niall replied, not having to elaborate on who 'them' meant. Zayn shrugged when Liam looked over at him, opening up the box of chicken balls and nibbling at the batter.

“Like I told Niall, hearing them makes it easier.” he explained, biting past the batter as Liam nodded in understanding. He wouldn't mention it now, since Niall had had such a reaction to it, but his morning alarm for ages now was the stupid little song they sang to wake up Harry and Zayn in the early days of their X-Factor experience. He hadn't switched it to anything else despite waking up frantic the day before at the sound of Louis' voice cooing in his ear. Lost in his thoughts for a few moments, he snapped back to reality when the white wrapping around Niall's wrists caught his attention. He looked to Zayn who was still working at his chicken ball then back to the blonde, swallowing the lump in his throat and hoping for the best.

“Niall...what's on your wrists?” he asked slowly. Blue eyes looked up from the bag on his lap, flickering from Liam's face to the bandages.

“Tattoos.” He answered simply. Liam nodded, sighing in relief and went back to opening the containers he'd brought. Niall kept searching through the bag he had, eyebrows drown down then sighed loudly,upending the bag and shaking it out, paper products fluttering out of it into his lap. 

“No utensils Li?” he asked, shifting through the giant stack of napkins that had come with the meal but the only other thing he came up with was the receipt. Frowning, Liam checked the other bags he'd brought in then his pockets as well before grumbling a curse.

“Damn. Nothing.” he huffed as he sat back down. The three looked down at the noodles and saucy seafood dishes they couldn't eat with their hands then slowly turned their heads towards the untouched kitchen with its dishes and eating implements hidden behind cupboards and in drawers.

“Louis always horded the spares from take-outs. There's probably some in a drawer.” Zayn murmured quietly as if he didn't want anyone but them to hear but they were alone in the apartment; no microphones, cameras, or ghosts to overhear. 

“Utensil drawer is just under the boxes there...” Niall added, voice equally soft, nodding towards the stack of pizza boxes they'd devoured less than a week before. Liam swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, standing up then hesitating to move further.

“It's just plastic. It's not really important, not really theirs.” he told himself, the other two boys nodding along with him, all their eyes focused on the three drawers where the collection of throw away forks and hand wipes would be. Taking another breath, wondering why this was so hard, Liam went to the island and put his hand to the top drawer, beginning to pull it out when something caught his eye. His name was written on one of the receipts sticking out of the stack of pizza boxes. He'd been the one to pick up dinner that night but this was no stranger's hand writing. It was a loopy hand he recognized all to well. Harry's. 

“My name's on that receipt.” he murmured, reaching for the strip of white paper while his other hand clung tightly to the handle of the drawer. Zayn and Niall both shot up to stand beside him, eyes wide and Niall's upper lip pulled down between his teeth.

“And Anne's is on the other one.” Zayn added, hand to his stomach as he felt his half a chicken ball start churning. Trying to suck in calming breaths, Liam pulled all the apparent receipts from the boxes, three in total, and looked them over. One was labelled for Harry's mother and the second simply read 'the fans' but the third had three names on it. Liam's had been the only one visible outside the box but below it read Zayn and Niall.

“They left notes. How did we not see these? They left us notes!” Niall's voiced squeaked as he snatched the paper with their names on it and held it in his own shaking hands, looking down at the blue ink that had been scored into the paper with a sizable amount of force, small swirls of blue at the bottom of the paper where Harry had tried to get the ink flowing again. The ink smudged spreading when a teardrop fell on to it and Zayn pulled it away from crying range to gently pull it open.

“Let's read it babe. See what they have to say.” he murmured, putting his arm around Niall's shoulders comfortingly as Liam leant against the blonde from the other side. They all read through the words silently together, discovering within a few lines that the note was only from their youngest friend.  
 __

_Liam, Niall, and Zayn;_

_if you're reading this then you're probably very upset with the pair of us right now. I'm sorry we changed our plans and never told you but you would have managed convinced us otherwise. That and the thought of seeing your hurt and disappointment makes me sick._

_We can't take all this pressure any more, any of the charade we live with. I asked Louis just to come out, to do what we all planned together but he's breaking. He's crumbling beneath it all and no matter how I try to support him, he just keeps falling apart. Everything management puts on him, he can't take it any more. I love you three, you're the best friends I've ever had but I love him more. He's my everything and I can't be anywhere he isn't. I just can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you will have to deal with everything without us. I'm sorry that we kept it from you. I'm sorry that we weren't strong enough to just come out and love each other the way we should have._

_Thank you for always being there for us. Thank you for never telling us to forget each other, to just ignore what we're feeling and get over it. Thank you for being willing to forfeit you're own careers so that we could be happy. You guys and Louis were the best things to ever happen to me. I want to you to know that. I love you, I'll miss you and I hope you live lives that make you the happiest. You deserve it. This life we got to live with you was all we ever wanted, but in the end, it wasn't what we needed. We need each other and this is the only way we could have it._

_Love, Harry_

The words got cramped towards the end of the paper, the writer obviously trying to keep it all to the one thin strip of paper, his name curling up the corner to fit it in. Reading it through a second time, Niall whimpered and held the paper against his chest, turning his face to burrow into the hallow of Liam's shoulder. The older boy squeezed him close, opening his arms for a moment for Zayn to bury in against his chest as well. They stood together, repeating the words of the letter to each other in teary voices, careful not to tear the thin paper as they passed it back and forth.

“I miss them.” Niall murmured softly, turning his head to wipe his tears against the soft cotton on Liam's tshirt. “But they're together. I really hope they're together.” he added, voice shaking and he bit down on his finger to keep back another wave of tears. His friends hugged him tight before Zayn pulled away to look at the other notes.

“What do the other two say?” he asked, picking up the other two slips of paper and looking them over. 

“Leave Anne's. That's between her and Harry.” Liam instructed. Zayn nodded and slipped that one into his pocket to hold on to until they seen their dead friend's mother again then opened up the one to the fans. They read it together, Zayn murmuring the words out loud for Niall who was still buried face first into Liam's chest. As he read over the names at the end, the letter from both Louis and Harry, it was obvious to them that again, it was only Harry behind the note. Liam looked up towards the large window that Niall had stood at earlier. He couldn't see them, but he knew there were fans there, dozens of them by this time of day. 

“We have to take this outside and read it to them.” Niall murmured as if reading his friend's mind, lifting his head from his chest. “It's their letter.”

 

Tugging on sweaters to keep out the chill in the air, they headed down to the front gates were fans stood in clusters, some coming and leaving after leaving a memento, some staying all day and returning the next. They were all red eyed and red cheeked however no matter how long they lingered. The dedication and adoration they received from their fans always amazed the boys, even when it was deafeningly loud and crushingly close. The fans, like the stars they adored, were still in shock however from the happenings of the week, their wild screams and declarations of love had softened in the days since the news broke. Not a single shriek erupted from the crowd beyond the gate as the three remaining members of One Direction headed towards them, just soft murmurs rippling through the crowd telling those who couldn't see that they were approaching. The girls beyond the fence all stood still, voices fading as the boys got closer and stopped before them on the other side of the bars. It was a familiar scene, usually a joyful one with pens and papers shoved towards the idols on the other side. Now they all stood waiting, hoping for news of any kind from the lips of the boys they loved most. 

“How are the best fans on earth?” Niall asked, coming closer and stretching out a hand towards them. No one pushed or shoved to be able to touch him though the girls who were nearest him reached out to cover his hand with theirs.

“Horrible.” one told him, her hair tucked up under a black beanie and a charm that read 'Larry' around her neck. A few others murmured agreements, latching on when he offered his other hand out them. 

“Us too ladies, us too.” he admitted, a soft laugh escaping his throat as a few of the girls spotted his wrapped wrists. He gave them a peak at his infinity symbol then nodded back towards Liam. “We have something for you.”

“They left you a letter.” Zayn explained, remaining next to Liam's side as the younger boy's hands shook as he unfolded the letter again. Without explanation, the fans knew who 'they' were, just as the boys had earlier when discussing Zayn's ring tone. They quickly settled, many of them sitting down on the cold concrete of the sidewalk, waiting with wide eyes and expressions of anticipation. Niall sat with them, back against the gate and waited, giving Liam a small encouraging smile. 

“You can do it Li.” he murmured as the other two boys came and settled down against the gate as well, reaching back to squeeze the hands that brushed their shoulders. Liam cleared his voice and began to read aloud, his voice carrying over the crowd.  
 __  
To our fans;  
You're all likely confused, upset and angry at this point. We're sorry we're the reason for it. After all the effort you put into making us a world wide phenomenon, we're giving up and disappointing you. We're sorry.

_It's okay to be mad; we were mad too. Don't be mad at each other or for all of us for lying to you. Be mad at the people who made us lie. Who put together schemes and acts to cover up the simplest of things._

_It's okay to be sad; we didn't make this choice without heartbreak ourselves. Don't be sad for us though, we made this choice. Be sad for yourselves and the loved ones we left behind. Be sad that this is the only way we could be together and let the world know._

_It's okay to be in love; we certainly are. Love is beautiful, no matter who it's between. Love people for who they are, not who you want them to be._

_It's okay to be you; you're the only you that will ever be. Go out there and live your lives. Don't dwell on this, don't dwell on us. Just live, be happy and be the best person you can be. And help others be the best people they can be._

_Love, Harry and Louis_

Liam sighed as he finished the letter, rubbing the knuckle of his thumb beneath his eye to collect the tears that had settled on his eyelashes. 

“And that's that.” he explained to the silent crowd behind him, folding the note over to slip into his pocket again. A hand rested on his shoulder before he could, a soft voice pleading in his ear.

“Again. Please.” the girl requested, voice choked, a whimper escaping her as she asked. Liam nodded and settled back further against the fence, reaching back to take the girl's hand in his own. He flicked the note back open and began from the beginning again, reading it over several times until the fans had had their fill.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the last chapter. Thank you for reading, thank you for your kudos, thank you for your comments. Thank you for your patience!! It's been a long time writing this, I'm so glad it's done.
> 
> I'd love to have some feed back now that it's all over, if you've got a moment to leave some.

The note for the fans had been photographed and uploaded to Liam's twitter so that the world could see it. Messages both digital and hand written flooded in from around the world in response to their idol's words, each promising to follow the advice that had been given to them; to be themselves, to love and to respect others' love. The best fans in the world, who had used their time to make sure their band won awards by millions of votes, began using their talents and dedication to support and help suicide prevention groups and charities that promoted equal love around the world. The results were staggering. Thousands raised in days by teenage girls holding bake sales, having car washes and creating shirts and accessories demanding that the rest of the world respect love in all it's forms. 

Scrolling through his phone, Niall smiled to himself as he read through tweet after tweet promising to be the best person they could then showing what they'd done to better the world. The dedication and love of their fans had always brought a smile to his face. These days it made his heart hurt less, even on a day like this when he had to go out and share his grief with the world. Two weeks to the day after Harry and Louis had been found, just over a week since their notes had been discovered, the memorial service for his friends was being held. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, the blonde closed his phone messages and looked up to the large framed photo of cheeky pre-teen Louis that sat before him, just waiting to be taken to the front of the church. Niall stood, running his finger along the grin his friend wore in the picture then went to the window to stand with Zayn and Liam, the pair of them arm in arm looking down at the crowds below. 

“Our fans are pretty amazing aren't they?” he asked, pressing in against Liam's side when the older boy's free arm wrapped around his shoulder.

“Always have been.” Zayn murmured, eyes fixed on the streets below lined with people. The general public had not been allowed inside the church for the memorial service but that didn't stop One Direction fans. They filled the streets behind the barricades that had been erected, faces turned towards the large screens that had been set up for them to watch what was going on inside. Like many other celebrity funerals, the day's events were being broadcast on television and over the internet around the world but some people felt the need to be right there. Thousands of people really. All eyes on screens currently presenting a slide show full of pictures of the dearly departed. So many of the pictures were ones that Harry had decided to share over his tumblr account. An account that still hadn't been shut down despite efforts from management. Every day the follower count continued to grow, even if the pictures had stopped about a week after it had debuted.

The three boys stood quietly, watching one of the large screens along with the crowds below them until a knock at the door broke the silent spell. Paul poked his head into the room, giving them a look over with a sad smile.

“Right boys, it's time. Ya going to come?” he asked when three heads turned towards him in sync. There was a moment's hesitation before they started moving. This was their first official appearance since everything had went to hell. Between the devastation of loosing their friends and the deterioration of communications between them and their contract holders, they'd spent the last two weeks being nothing but themselves. Not Liam Payne, Zayn Malik and Niall Horan. They were just Liam, Zain and Niall at this point and they still weren't sure if they wanted that to change. Today, however, was about their friends and that cemented their choice. Liam moved away from the window first, collecting the picture of Harry that sat near the door.

“Let's go lads. Anne and Jay need these pictures before anything can start.” he instructed, holding the frame so the glass side pressed into the fine black wool of his suit jacket. Niall collected the picture of Louis, holding it the same way, leaving Zayn collect the little teddies, freshly washed after being soaked by Liam's ears, that were to sit with the photographs at the front of the church.

They left the room, following their head of security down the stairs to the reception area where the families of their friends had gathered. Sisters mingled together, older fingers helping younger braids sit properly, collars being turned and tags being tucked. Their mothers sat together, hands entwined and holding on for tightly. Squeezing the frame tighter against his chest for a moment, Niall broke away from the other two to deliver his photo.

“Jay?” he spoke softly, biting down on his lower lip when the woman looked up, her dark eyes rimmed in red. He could see Louis in her now. That same vulnerable look he rarely let the world see was sitting there on his mother's face. He sniffed back tears and swallowed the lump that was in his throat. “I have Lou for you.” he explained and offered over the frame. Untangling her hand from Anne's, Jay took her son's photo and cradled it against against her chest for a moment, her eyes slipping closed.

“Thank you Niall.” she murmured, looking down at the picture, her eyes pricking with tears again. “I love this photo of him. My cheeky boy.” she sighed, a small smile tugging at her lips. Anne leant over, putting her chin to her friend's shoulder to look at the photograph as well. 

“Thousands of photos of them in the world and we both picked ones of them before they left home.” she mused. Jay nodded, looking towards Liam as he came up to them, giving Anne her own son's picture. His hair barely had a curl to it but his smile was wide and his cheeks dimpled. There was no doubting it was Harry.

“They're good pictures of them. Their smiles are real. Nothing to hide.” Liam stated, brushing his hand through his hair then resting it against the back of his neck. The mother's nodded then helped each other to stand, both glancing around for their husbands.

“We might as well get this started. Let the world say goodbye to our babies.” Anne decided, offering a small smile as Robin came to her and slipped his arm through her's. Jay nodded and ushered her daughters out in front of her and Dan. Through it all the two women never let go of each other, each of them relying on the other for the strength no one else in the building could understand. Not even the boys' fathers would get it. They'd missed too much of their son's lives, absent and only interested, like much of the rest of the world, when the boys were under the spot light and making millions. For Jay and Anne, these were their babies who were gone, each their only son who the loved and adored, and now they would never get them back. Only a parent who'd lost a child could truly understand it.

The door to the sanctuary opened and the people who already were sitting in the pews swivelled around, heads turning to face the group coming in. 

“God it feels like a wedding.” Zayn murmured, squeezing the bears in his hands tightly as he looked out over the crowd of friends and family. Niall whined softly in the back of his throat as Liam shook his head.

“Don't think about it Z, just don't think like that at all.” he replied in an equally quiet murmur as Louis' youngest sisters took their steps quickly towards the front, sliding into a pew to sit with their father. Lottie took it slow, walking with Gemma, their arms around each other and sitting down in the very front row, unfolding the papers with their speeches on their laps. Their mother's followed after, heading straight to the table a the front to set up the pictures of their sons, smiling faces facing the crowd. There were no coffins; Louis and Harry had already been buried. They were together of course because anyone who had a say in the situation agreed that they should never have to be apart again. The burial itself was a small, private thing in a cemetery halfway between Doncaster and Cheshire. The location was not revealed to the public but the headstone read their names clearly and would be found out eventually. That wasn't a problem. The families had just wanted it themselves for the time being. Today was for the public though, for the friends, the fans, and world to say final goodbyes. Planning the service had been hard, an emotional journey of tears and laughter and stories to rekindle memories of the good times. It was decided that the memorial service would be in the same vein. Stories and memories shared by those who knew them best to those who loved them most. And the three boys they shared so much in such a short time would be the ones conducting it all. 

Once Anne and Jay had seated themselves with their husbands, Liam, Zayn, and Niall made their way to the front together. The younger two went right on to the small platform with the singular microphone while Zayn paused before the photos to put down the bears he held tight. Harry's with Louis' picture and Lou's with his Haz. The bears slumped contently against the frames as if happy to be back where they belonged. Zayn closed his eyes against the tears that threatened and pressed a fist against his mouth to stop a smile. 

'Even their damn toys love the other.' he thought to himself, murmuring a silent prayer for his friends before sliding up on to the platform to join the other two. Liam was already speaking, too many uhh's and umm's for someone who was supposed to be well used to addressing crowds by now.

“We, umm, we want to thank you all for being here. Both in this room with us and, uh, out over the rest of the world via broadcasts. We're sorry if this isn't the best. Lou was always the talker, as you all know. It's...it's strange to be doing this without throwing the mic at him.” he stumbled over his words with a flush on his cheeks, palms rubbing nervously against the expensive fabric of his suit. “We're going to do this service the way we think Harry and Louis would have wanted it. Lots of stories, lots of good memories, lots of, well, lots of them.” a small smile cracked his his lips and he glanced to his left for Niall to take over. The blonde stepped up, taking the mic in his hand and bringing it to his lips just as a shuddering breath left them, knuckles going white as he held too tight. He glanced around the crowd to find a face to focus on, eyes falling on Gemma who gave him a small encouraging nod. He found himself speaking to her, hand relaxing a bit.

“Anne and Jay asked us to do this hosting thing but we won't be the only ones talking. We weren't the only ones to know our boys. They also asked us to sing a bit because that's what Harry and Louis loved. Don't know how we're going to sound without them. Probably crap.” he gave a crooked smile, glancing down at his shoes when Harry's sister returned it. “Won't be until near the end anyway so umm, let's have the people who pulled the long straw to talk first.” he rushed through the rest and spun around, wincing at his knee creaked. He took a seat in between Zayn and Liam just off to the side of the microphone. As they settled into the armless chairs, a large white screen came down from the ceiling. Pictures of the dearly departed began to flash over it while childhood friends came to the front, standing in a patient line with cue cards and folded papers, waiting their turns to talk about the boys who left them several summers before and always returned the same, just with better looking jeans and crazy travel stories. 

Those friends told tales about the years before X-Factor turned lives upside down. Elaborating on the embarrassing antics that had been caught on tape and sharing more tales that hadn't been documented, hadn't been told. They included stories about how their friends had come back from their X-Factor experiences with wide eyes and careful stories about meeting someone amazing during their time there. Stan pulled out a severely out of date cell phone and read the messages he'd received from his best friend from the days he was working his backside off learning to dance and sing in a group. The messages were all about a boy with green eyes and pink lips and how he was glad his bff knew he was kinda gay because this boy he had met, he was head over heels for him. 

“Funny...I always thought I'd be reading these out at their wedding to embarrass the hell out of Lou.” the dark haired boy mused as he shut his phone, tucking it into his pocket. A deep sigh went through the crowd in the church, heads nodding in agreement. Zayn gripped Liam's hand over Niall's lap, the protective Daddy sucking in a deep breath. Too many people were having the same thoughts they'd had standing at the door way of the sanctuary. Niall bit at his lower lip, taking his own deep breath against the clench of his heart.

Their sisters' came next, speaking through tears about how much they loved their brothers. How protective they'd been, how they loved to send home presents as treats, as apologies, for not being there with them. They shared how much they meant to them and how life would never be the same now without them to lean on. Adoring mothers' stood together, next to the photos of their babies. They told everyone that no matter what happen or where on earth they were, their sons always took a minute every day to contact them and tell them how much they loved them. They told the world how they were mummy's boys to the end and that their mummy's would always miss them. They shared how their hearts were broken but they understood. They knew why they had to take their lives, how they knew how much they meant to one another, that not being able to be together was too much. That they always said so, from the day they'd been told to tone it down, that this love wasn't supposed to be. Anne and Jay promised their boys that they would fight for the rest of their own lives for causes that would keep this from ever happening again.

Keylee didn't come, still lost to the wind and when Eleanor stood on the platform, she chose not to speak about her experiences. Instead she held a laundry basket full of envelopes in her arms and tilted it a little to show the contents. 

“These are some of the letters that have come in from around the world. Letters from fans from all walks of life, from all over the world. Some believed in Lou and Harry's relationship from the beginning. Seen right through all the lies that had to be told. Some didn't recognize it until it was given to them. All of them contain the heart ache of loosing an idol, a hero, a friend.” she began and put her basket down, pulling a letter from it. She read it to the audience, then another and another until her voice was shaking a tears streaked her face. “You all loved them so much. They touched so many....” she choked and staggered back to her seat to bury her face in her hands. Her basket sat alone, hundreds of letters still inside. Zayn stood and pulled it towards his seat, tucking it behind but not out of sight.

A few more people spoke, friends that they had made during their rise to fame. They all told similar stories. How Louis and Harry always seemed to be a package deal, how you couldn't have one without the other. Some had been in on the secret, other's not but still knowing that there was just something else there. HarryandLouis were a unit. One tv presenter whom they'd been close with chuckled as he told his tale. How he had told Harry after knowing him only a few days, that if he and Louis weren't a couple then they probably should be. He recalled the knowing smile the teenager wore, remembered the saucy wink he'd given and the truth he'd been told not long after. No one could share a story that didn't have something to do with just one of the boys. A story about Harry always included Louis, no matter what kind of memory they tried to recollect. 

At last, Liam, Niall and Zayn had their turn to speak. Niall, with the sleeves of his suit jacket pushed up, rubbed at the tattoos on his bare wrists. No longer hidden behind bandages they were out for the world to see. Liam stood at the microphone first again, rubbing his hand over the left side of his chest. His heart felt like it was breaking all over again after all the stories and memories that had been shared. All the promises and admissions of adoration. His band mates, his friends, had been so important to so many people. Not just to fans who voted for them and worshipped them from various distances but to the people they encountered every day and had left behind at home. It wasn't just he, Niall, Zayn, and all their fans who'd lost those bright lights in their lives. It was so many more. The speech he'd prepared sat unopened in his pocket as he began to speak. 

“I was going to talk about my first memories of Harry and Louis. How they never stopped flirting and pawing and fawning at each other from the moment they met. It was ridiculous but everyone knows they were ridiculous, in general and about each other. Sitting listening to everyone talk before me however, it made me realize something. Something I can't believe I never noticed these past couple weeks. I suppose I've been too stuck in my own grief but what I realized is that we all lost these two amazing people. It's not just me, Zayn and Niall. It's not just us and all our fans. That's all I’ve been thinking about lately. That we lost these people that we loved so much but so did all of you. You wouldn't be here if they hadn't meant something to you. My heart has these two holes left in it. Two big, silly, brave, shining holes and so do all of you. Holes that will never really go away. We're never going to hear Harry laugh again, that big, huge laugh that he always tried to cover up. Louis was always the cause of those laughs. We're never going to experience Louis' quick wit and sarcastic comments again. He never really had patience for anyone but Harry, not even himself. They worked so perfectly together and I think that's why so few of us can remember a moment with them that didn't somehow connect to the other. We lost the perfect pair...we all lost them. All of us. They're just gone...” his brow furrowed as he spoke, his eyes loosing focus as he went on. Words just tumbled from his lips until Niall rested a hand against his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. He didn't even recognize his tears until he saw them spotting the blue of his friend's jacket an even darker navy. Zayn gently pried the microphone from his fingers and began speaking in his stead.

“We were asked once in an interview that if we could change one thing about how our careers started out, what would it be?” he began, looking over the people seated in the pews, every bench full to the very back. “The answer Harry gave was a bit heart breaking. He said he would never have hid who he was. Obviously it never made it to print. Our handlers vetoed it the moment it was out of his mouth but that's what came back to me once I’d had the chance to sit and reflect on what happened. The interviewer wasn't one of those in the know about the relationship between he and Louis otherwise he would have said he'd never have AGREED to hide. That bothered him a lot, Louis too. Being young and irrational and just wanting to let the world hear them sing, they never thought about hiding what was there from the beginning. I don't think either of them ever considered that it would be an issue until PR made it one. They just wanted to be who they were. Their fans never got to see the people they truly were because they had to conceal such a big part of themselves. The part where they loved each other, that they were each other's be all and end all, each other's sun and moon and every other stupid love cliche there is. I've been in love, felt like my world was all about one person but I don't think I’ll ever find the love that they shared. It's too bad they were never allowed to let the world in on their secret. You would have all seen what true, fated, soul mate, perfect love is.” he sighed and looked to the large screen behind him, smiling at the grey scale photograph of his friends giving cheesy smiles to the camera, arms tight around each other's shoulders. He spoke to the screen as that photo faded away to be replaced by another, just as affectionate, just as silly. “I'll miss you my boys, but I know you're together. I know you're getting what you want. Each other. Just each other.” 

With that, he put the microphone in its stand and looked to Niall. They switched spots, Niall to the front and Liam's broad shoulders fitting their way beneath Zayn's slender arm. The blonde reached behind his chair and pulled out one of the vintage guitars Harry liked to collect and pulled the strap over his head. With the wooden instrument in his hands, he felt calmer, more focused than he had in days. The love of having fingers against string was something he and the curly-haired boy had shared. It made him feel secure, like his friends were there with them some how.

“We're going to sing for you in a minute. Well, we'll sing along. We tried, we really did to sound good without Lou and Haz but it just didn't work. I just want to say a couple things first.” he spoke into the mic while a extended intro began to play over the speakers, calloused fingers strumming along absently. The photos on the screen behind him faded out, replaced with various clips of performance footage. Liam and Zayn unfolded from each other, watching the change in Niall's confidence curiously.

“People keep saying this feels like a wedding. It should have been a wedding. Two weeks ago I lost two of my best mates because no one in this industry can accept that love is love. It doesn't matter what's in your pants. It's what's in your heart. And I don't have my boys anymore because everyone would rather a boy and girl be miserable together than two boys find the happiness everyone deserves. No one should have to live like that. If Harry and Louis' deaths have any impact on the world, I hope it's a change for the better. That no one else feels like death is the only way out. Love is love. It shouldn't be about money, it shouldn't be about fame, it shouldn't be about anything but love.” he shook his head and took a small step back as the lyrics began, Liam singing along with the audio track. One last One Direction performance for old time's sakes.

_Let's dance in style,_  
Let's dance for a while,  
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies,  
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst,  
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not? 

_Let us die young or let us live forever,_  
We don't have the power but we never say never,  
Sitting in a sandpit,  
Life is a short trip,  
The music's for the sad man. 

_Forever young,_  
I wanna be,  
Forever young,  
Do you really want to live forever,  
Forever,  
Forever young. 

_Some are like water, some are like the heat,_  
Some are like the melody of some other beat,  
But sooner or later they all will be gone,  
Why don't they stay young?  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _~ fin ~_
> 
>  
> 
> Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696  
> Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433  
> LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255  
> Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386  
> Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743  
> Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438  
> Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673  
> Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272  
> Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000  
> Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253


End file.
